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C2CN Newsletter---Listening and Choices

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  • John Agno
    HERE IS YOUR COACH TO COACH NETWORK (C2CN) NEWSLETTER: Coaching Connections The Power of Listening Just Listen Sustainable Income is Good More About Becoming a
    Message 1 of 1 , May 17, 2002
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      Coaching Connections
      The Power of Listening
      Just Listen
      Sustainable Income is Good
      More About Becoming a Conscious Manager
      Sponsor Announcements
      Our Sense of Identity Matters
      A Very Special Game
      This infomediary newsletter is brought to you by the National Association of Business Coaches (www.MyNABC.org), Institute for Life Coach Training (www.LifeCoachTraining.com), Human Synergistics International (www.HumanSyn.com), B-Coach Systems, LLC (www.B-Coach.com) and Therapist Coach Institute (www.TherapistCoach.org). If you enjoy and learn from this newsletter's content, please let these sponsors know that you appreciate their contribution to your success. 
      Is this weekly infomediary newsletter worth $19.95 to your coaching practice? 
      You can contribute to the support of this infomediary newsletter by making a subscription donation via the Amazon Honor System at: 
      Coaching Connections
      The Launch of 247Coaching
      LISTENING - for leaders
      LISTENING - for leaders
      An excellent guide to the importance of listening and how to improve your listening skills. Listening skills, for both coach and coachee, are of paramount importance and this guide will help you enhance all your communications.
      I'm delighted to announce the launch of www.247coaching.com in the UK, USA,
      Canada, Australia and Ireland.  The purpose of the site is to connect coaches and coaching clients regardless of which school the coach may have trained with, and to be a centre of excellence for all things related to coaching.

      Coach members benefit from:

      - Listing in the 247coaching.com global coach directory
      - Free advertising for seminars, courses and other events
      - Free publishing on the site of modules, ebooks etc
      - Interviews with coaching masters and leaders in personal development  (We
      have launched with an exclusive interview with top coach, Laura Berman
      - News stories related to coaching, personal development and success
      - Store offering coaching and personal development related products
      including Amazon plus some exclusive discounts from Printing.com
      - Free monthly newsletters

      There are various levels of membership available. Standard Membership costs
      only £49 / $69 / 79 euros for a lifetime, so it's definitely worth taking a
      look at the site.  Enjoy!

      Karen Gee, Vice President, Karen@...

      Beginning May 20th in Dallas....THE ICF COACHING TOUR
      Greetings ICF Members and Colleagues,
      I am pleased to announce the International Coach Federation's first coaching tour! The ICF and renowned master coach Laura Berman Fortgang invite you to be part of this incredible nine-city program. I encourage you to choose the event in the city nearest you and register today!
      Warmest regards,
      Bobette Reeder, CMC, MCC, President, ICF
      Questions?  email ICF Hqs. icfoffice@...
      I would appreciate your guidance on how to post this inquiry to the Network
      in the spirit of the ground rules on postings.

      As a business coach, I use a variety of exercises with clients to define
      individual values (e.g., learning, achievement).  To date I have been using
      "lite" tools such as spin offs of the Covey funeral speech, card sorts, NLP
      questioning techniques, etc.  Some clients would be more comfortable with a
      more rigorous tool and an official report.  This would not be an assessment,
      per se, of values, ie not something that points to right or wrong values or
      values gaps.  Instead, I would be interested in hearing about a tool that
      helps provide clarity on clients' key values and priorities. 

      Thank you in advance for your support on this request. 

      G Moss, ODOptions, ODOptions@...  
      May 18
      The next meeting of the International Coach Federation-Southeastern Michigan Chapter is Saturday May 18, 2002 beginning at 9AM.   Please let Barry Demp know if you plan on attending:  barry@...
      Location: Walsh College- Troy Campus- 3838 Livernois Road.
      (248-689-8282) www.walshcollege.edu  There will be a charge of $5.00 to pay for the meeting space and the refreshments. 
      I am a graduate student at Georgia State University and am taking a Summer
      course "Coaching in Organizations".  One of my learning objectives is to
      create a survey and solicit feedback from Coaching professionals.  The
      survey will measure the value of the coaching experience for the individual
      client and the organization.  
      If you have a few moments and are willing to assist me, will you please
      let me know if I could email you the survey for your feedback?  I am looking
      for feedback specific to the survey I created, and if you have time,
      specifics on what you look for during your coaching work to indicate success
      of the process with your clients.   
      Thank you for your consideration, Darcey Simmons 253-833-7744 (phone)
      May 27
      Our May presenter is Cynder Niemela. May 27th. 6:00 pm EST. 407-649-8983.
      No need to RSVP. Just phone in.

      Cynder Niemela: The Art of Coaching Virtual Teams
      Key points include:
      * A virtual team defined
      * Initially focusing a team's efforts and keeping them focused
      * Contracting for Performance
      * Letting go of control

      Cynder Niemela, MA, MBA, is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and
      co-author of Leading High Impact Teams: The Coach Approach to Peak
      Performance (October 2001,
      Cynthia Stringer, PCC, CMC, Cynthia@... 
      June 3

      Virtual Community’s Summer Hummer!   A trio of high profile coaches will be our guests at the ICF Virtual Community meetings in June, July and August.  The topic of each presentation will be "Transforming Our Coaching Sessions: Shifting Being and Achieving Results."  The June 3rd meeting will feature Julio Olalla, founder of the Newfield Network, who will address this question from his unique perspective.  Don't miss this program on June 3, 6:30-8:00 pm ET on bridgeline 904-357-8707.

      July 5-7
       "The Spirit of Coaching – The Spirit of Success" is the theme of the first International Coach Federation Australasia Conference to be held at the Star City Hotel, July 5-7, 2002 in beautiful Sydney Australia. Sydney is the gateway city to Australia, home to the world's most beautiful harbour, and the Number One Convention City in the Asia Pacific Region for 2000.
      September 12-14 
      CoachVille Biz/Corp Conference in Toronto:

      Just a note to let you know that over 100 coaches have registered for this conference, all since we opened registration just 2 weeks ago.  This is very good news and virtually assures a full conference (500 maximum).

      Best, Thomas  
      The Power of Listening
      Burbank, California; May 5, 2002; Joan Marques, MBA, Doctoral Student
      jmarques01@...  http://www.joanmarques.com )

      The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be
      understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.
      — Ralph Nichols

      That listening is not the same as hearing is hopefully no news. In fact, you
      can still listen when there’s nothing to be heard…and understand – or
      misunderstand – the communication that the silence in a particular situation
      Merely being listened to is sometimes all that people need to feel
      recognized. If employees have the idea that their suggestions are being
      considered because they are sincerely paid attention to, they will not even
      mind if their suggestions are not always applied into work-processes: it’s
      the listening – the serious attention being given to them – the dedicated
      look – the alertness – the personal touch – the focus of the leader on their
      presence and their contribution – that makes all the difference.
      Great leaders know that. And they work with it.
      Let me present you a powerful explanation of listening by Allison Para Bastien:
      "Listening is noting what, when and how something is being said. Listening is distinguishing what is not being said from what is silence. Listening is not acting like you’re in a hurry, even if you are. Listening is eye contact, a hand placed gently upon an arm.

      "Sometimes, listening is taking careful notes in the person’s own words.
      Listening involves suspension of judgment. It is neither analyzing nor
      racking your brain for labels, diagnoses, or remedies before the person is
      done relating her symptoms. Listening, like labor assisting, creates a safe
      space where whatever needs to happen or be said can come."
      Just Listen by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD
      I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps, the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in.
      Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me a long time to believe in the power of simply saying, "I'm so sorry," when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
      One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them.
      Subtly her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually, she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer talk about the relief of having someone just listen.
      I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days, I used to reach for the tissues, until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
      This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too timid to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned words.


      Sustainable Income is Good

      Are you troubled by not being able to project your 2002 earnings because your month-by-month income has fluctuated?

      To obtain lucrative projects, many coaches and consultants need to promote their services regularly.  Many newcomers underestimate the amount of time they must spend marketing themselves -- time that takes away from their client projects. This is one reason that you, like most entrepreneurs, can become shackled to the demands of running their businesses.

      ''Traditional selling strategies don't work, the brochures and such,''
      said Peter Block, an independent consultant since 1966 and author of
      ''Flawless Consulting: A Guide to Getting Your Expertise Used'' (Jossey-Bass).
      ''You have a product that's hard to describe. You have to differentiate
      yourself from other people.''

      To cope with this often-dreaded aspect of the work, more independent coaches and consultants are banding together, forming working alliances
      on projects and sharing tips about new work, said E. Michael Shays, a
      solo consultant since 1990 who is also chairman of the Institute of
      Management Consultants USA, a 2,250-member professional association.
      An example of this banding together is for subscribers to post their website location on the "Bookmarks" page of our Network website---to allow the public to find your business.  Other options are to advertise on Google, Overture and other pay-for-listing sites...or...post your profile on "referral service" websites where people can find you by using a search engine. 

      Some consultants, who loathe marketing, subcontract with the larger firms to do specialized work. ''That gets me in front of larger clients with more interesting work than I could usually get as an independent consultant,'' said Brenda VanderMeulen, 46, who started River Hills Consulting, a human resources consulting business, in Holland, Mich., after leaving Herman Miller, the furnishings company.
      Now that you have made the decision to engage in work that you are passionate about---no longer spending your professional life doing stuff that you can barely tolerate working for people you don't like--it is time to get on with generating some sustainable income.   To do that you may need to engage a marketing or mentor coach to help you become clear on what you need to do to get new clients and keep a steady flow of client projects. 

      More About Becoming a Conscious Manager
      I have now posted a comprehensive research report on the differences in how individuals deal with workplace conflicts: Perceiving, interpreting and handling workplace conflicts. Identifying the potential for development. I may not be the right person to say this, but I feel this is actually a major contribution to empirical conflict research, in particular regarding our understanding of the frames people use when they encounter conflict in their lives. For those of you who are interested in such matters, this is also a significant contribution to ego development research (in chapter 5 you will find six comprehensive portraits of how individuals at different ego stages handle conflicts).

      The report presents and explains a comprehensive typology describing the elements of a workplace conflicts individuals may be aware and unaware of. This typology has also been given a graphic form, the Conflict Awareness Mandala, which can be used in courses, workshops, coaching and for self-exploration. I feel this instrument is very useful, as it can make visible the potential for increased individual awareness (not only in conflicts).

      Using many  excerpts from the over 80 in-depth interviews we have conducted, we furthermore discuss differences in how images of the other are constructed, in what people find important in their worklife and in how people learn from conflict experiences. One chapter offers six comprehensive portraits of persons who perceive, interpret and handle  workplace conflicts in very different ways. Another chapter is devoted to a case study comprising an entire interview with a person who proved to have an unusually high level of awareness of various aspects of her workplace conflict. In a concluding chapter, a four-level curriculum for conflict competency is sketched.

      The report comprises 140 pages and is available in a pdf format only at this website:

      The direct URL to the pdf file is:

      Please note that the file size is about 830 kB, which means that it might take a few minutes to load if you have a slow Internet connection.

      Of course, I would enjoy receiving feedback if you read the report.

      Best wishes, Thomas Jordan, Ph.D. Thomas.JordonGU@...
      Dept. of Work Science, Göteborg university, Sweden
      Sponsor Announcements
      “It is not the most intelligent of the species that survive the longest, it is the most adaptable.” -- Charles Darwin
      In order to be persistently successful, people and organizations need to adapt continually to their environment. This requires information from the environment. The more active and open the feedback loops, the more effective the adaptation and change can be. Few leaders have truly open and honest feedback within their organizations.
      CEO disease: not seeing the impact a leader’s mood has on the organization. Symptom: when the leader has near-total ignorance about how his or her mood and actions appear to the organization.
      The term “CEO disease” comes from the book Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee (Harvard Business School Press 2002). The term was originally coined in an article in Business Week by John Byrne in 1991.
      As one CEO expressed it, “I can’t put my finger on it, because no one is actually lying to me. But I can sense that people are hiding information, or camouflaging key facts, so I won’t notice…they aren’t telling me everything I need to know.”
      Sometimes there is fear in sharing information due to a leader’s commanding or pacesetting style. People do not want to be shot as the messenger. Many subordinates and peers want to appear upbeat and optimistic and do not want to be the one to rock the boat by delivering negative information. Whatever the motives, the result is a leader who only has partial information about what’s going on around him.
      This may be true for other leaders within the organization, not only for the CEO. There is a natural instinct to please the boss, resulting in a widespread tendency to give positive feedback whenever information flows upward.
      How should leaders seek out the truth then? It is clear that it is up to leaders to actively cultivate feedback if they are to have the information they need to make changes and to adapt to the environment.
      A study of 400 executives shows that the most effective leaders actively seek negative feedback. They let it be known that they are open to receive critiques either of their ideas or their leadership. The least successful executives most often solicit confirming feedback.
      The problem lies in resistance. Most people fear negative feedback and will not actively seek it out. They may feel that they can’t change anyway, that their ways are too ingrained. Research on learning supports the view that the emotional competencies required for successful leadership can be learned. It requires bravery to face the opinions of subordinates, but high achievers do not shrink from tasks simply because they are new or uncomfortable. Receiving feedback is not for sissies.
      Receptivity to feedback is clearly an important gateway to learning and practicing strategies for personal improvement. Staying out of defensive modes is essential to moving on and practicing new behaviors. These strategies are not easy and work best when guided by an experienced coach. Unless leaders get data about the quality and effectiveness of their interactions, they become prisoners of the status quo. 
      If you are interested in knowing how this and other articles can help grow your coaching practice, contact us for a free sample of our customized newsletter, Coaching Matters, at va@... and visit us on the web at www.coachingmatters.com
      Patsi Krakoff, Psy.D., Therapist Coach Institute
      Have you seen the value at 1 Coach PLUS?


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      If you're committed to understanding yourself and finding high-leverage, very efficient methods to develop as a professional, then a self-directed learning agenda is key!


      21 Teleconference Calls for 21 minutes each for 21 days

      Time is 1:30 PM ET and the calls run from Tuesday May 28, 2002 to Saturday June 22, 2002 for 21 minutes.

      • May 28, 29, 30, 31 - Overview and SLOT Analysis

      • June 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 - Developmental Issue & Role Analysis & Selection

      • June 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 - Identity & Purpose

      • June 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 - Purpose & Intention

      • June 8, 15 - Open coaching days

      Click here to pay $199 for this series of teledevelopment classes

      If you can't attend all the classes, the audio series will be included in this fee, if you sign up before May 15, 2002

        Self-directed learning is the most powerful way to overcome barriers to growth

        Most people spend more time planning their vacations than planning their development.

        Professional development has been shown to be the key to su

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