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  • Philip C. Mason
    ... From: ashley mason To: ; ; ;
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 28, 2005
    • 0 Attachment
      ----- Original Message -----
      From: "ashley mason" <ashley_mason122@...>
      To: <Marissa@...>; <Angelo.Ferrazzano@...>;
      <erin@...>; <jondavis@...>; <angeladishman@...>;
      <kelleyholder@...>; <Kerri_Smith@...>; <kefolkman@...>;
      <Mario_Lozano@...>; <dragonscale365@...>;
      <Willson.Ng@...>; <elyeo@...>
      Sent: Wednesday, September 28, 2005 11:54 AM

      > Dear Friends and Family Members,
      > I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to
      > send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank
      > you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for
      > making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
      > Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it
      > can remove toilet stains.
      > I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
      > the rat feces and urine.
      > I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
      > I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
      > pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
      > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
      > water buffalo on a hot day
      > I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being
      > plastic.
      > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
      > perfume sample and rob me.
      > I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
      > actually
      > Al Qaeda in disguise.
      > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
      > stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
      > Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
      > I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
      > mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
      > I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys
      > and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
      > I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
      > their recipe.
      > I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
      > out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
      > Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
      > forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
      > minutes.
      > (Geez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
      > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
      > about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
      > I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
      > receive
      > the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
      > participating in their special e-mail program.
      > Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for
      > me!
      > I will now return the favor.
      > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
      > seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM this
      > afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I
      > know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend
      > of
      > a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my next door
      > neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's
      > ex-wife's mother's beautician! Have a wonderful day!!!!!
      > _________________________________________________________________
      > Express yourself instantly with MSN Messenger! Download today - it's FREE!
      > http://messenger.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200471ave/direct/01/
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