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19960Tearful Confession

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  • Jym Dyer
    Jan 17, 2013
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      [Transcript from my tell-all interview, which was supposed to be
      aired tonight but was preempted by some danged thing or other.]

      Oprah, it's time for me to come clean. For many years, I have
      used performance-enhancing devices (PEDs) for my daily bike
      commute. Not that this is any excuse, but I was trying to
      compete with others who were using cars.

      My sophisticated operation was why I was never caught. I have
      never tested positive for cars, because I was using the big
      stuff: mostly Rohr Industries, Alstom, Nippon, Bombardiers,
      and sometimes even Bredas and Van Hools. These allowed me to
      keep my bike with me.

      I am hoping that with this confession we can let the healing
      and forgiveness begin, followed by a lucrative book tour.
      Also, let's dedicate some of those lanes on the Bay Bridge
      for bicycles, and remove the deadly scourge of cars from
      this sport that we all love.