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Re: Question

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  • cnm_divers
    Kind regards, Not an answer, but, if you haven t read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz it may be of help. Although not buddhist, the Toltec had/have
    Message 1 of 23 , Dec 9, 2009
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      Kind regards,
      Not an answer, but, if you haven't read 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz it may be of help. Although not buddhist, the Toltec had/have some interesting insights. The book itself is very easy to read. I recommend because you wrote you are not buddhist per sey. This may be another path to explore.

      --- In Buddhism_101@yahoogroups.com, "alialinoakoko" <hgalinato@...> wrote:
      >
      > I don't follow the buddhist path per se, but I think I might be able to get an answer here.
      >
      > So my question is about ego flattery. I work with a person who is very ego centered and i find that being around her will drain energy, as it were. I posted on another forum for suggestions on how to deal with this. I got the reply of compassion, which works, but this person also said perhaps I should tell her I appreciate her more. I could have taken it the wrong way, but it seemed to me they were suggesting that I basically stroke her ego in a way.
      >
      > Im wondering what the teaching on this would be? It would seem to me that this is counter intuitive if you are being a living example. Not that i'm all that good of being a living example of enlightenment. I have my moments of "forgetting" and I do that a lot.
      >
      > I hope I was able to word this correctly. I struggled with how to write this so that it made sense.
      >
    • Wan Wai
      Hi, I can only comment from a Buddhist perspective and that is , why do you happen to meet a person like that ? Is it really a coincidence? For high level
      Message 2 of 23 , Dec 10, 2009
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        Hi,
        I can only comment from a Buddhist perspective and that is , why do you happen to meet a person like that ? Is it really a coincidence?

        For high level practitioners , people who can potentially disturb their minds are precious objects of practice or precious jewels , and even when we say prayers, we visualize our mothers to our left , fathers to our right , our friends and relatives behind us and the people who bug the hell out of us in front of us.

        Not to make us more angry but as a reminder for us to overcome our enemies.Not by destroying them , but when we understand reality more, there are no friends or enemies, we understand its all labeling.

        From buddhist perspective the enemy you see hasn't always been an enemy , as we had countless lifetimes , if we had countless lifetimes we would have met each other before. Hence the enemy u see now could even been a LOVED one that you could not bear to part with for one second in a previous existence. Even in this life , one enemy can turn into fren , and one's fren can turn into enemy.

        Does that help to give a different perspective into things?

        Best Wishes
        --- In Buddhism_101@yahoogroups.com, John Pellecchia <pellejf@...> wrote:
        >
        > Good evening Alialinoakoko.
        >
        > Certainly not an easy situation -- to deal with someone with whom there are issues on a regular basis. You could practice avoidance to situations where you deal with the person you feel is sapping your energy. But that certainly is not practical if you have to work closely with this co-worker. The frequent response in Buddhism may be to try to view her as your teacher.
        >
        > But there is also a deeper consideration and I don’t mean this to be sarcastic. You need to realize the issue is more within your than her. Think about it; she’s most likely happy with herself but you’re not since you find her irritating. I'm sure that each time you see her you begin to feel anxious, wondering what she'll do today that will irritate you. You anticipate and that gives you angst. If you try to eliminate your perceptions of her, you may find a more compassionate attitude toward her (and a greater calmness within yourself) without actually telling her that you “...appreciate her more” (I can certainly understand how that statement could be misconstrued). Actions and demeanor -- positive or negative -- have more effect than mere words. Easy? Certainly not but you are not alone. We all have to realize that we are not “... all that good of being a living example of enlightenment.” We each have these “moments of
        > ‘forgetting’....” and we all do that a lot. That may be why Buddhism is rightly termed a practice.
        >
        > Hope this helps.
        >
        > May all be at peace.
        >
        > John
        >
        > One truly is the protector of oneself;
        > who else could the protector be?
        > With oneself fully controlled,
        > one gains a mastery that is hard to gain.
        > (Dhammapada 160)
        >
      • colourshimmer
        Dear alialinoakoko, In Buddhism we try to look inwards to our own attitudes and judgements in order to try to solve our problems of communication with others -
        Message 3 of 23 , Dec 12, 2009
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          Dear alialinoakoko,

          In Buddhism we try to look inwards to our own attitudes and judgements in order to try to solve our problems of communication with others - so the teachings on this are related to practising loving kindness and compassion, and patience.
          If we practice Loving Kindness Meditation, (metta) it can help a lot. Here is a link to the practice:

          http://www.buddhanet.net/metta.htm

          I hope that helps.

          Kind wishes,

          CS
          from http://www.buddhismwithoutboundaries.com




          --- In Buddhism_101@yahoogroups.com, "alialinoakoko" <hgalinato@...> wrote:
          >
          > I don't follow the buddhist path per se, but I think I might be able to get an answer here.
          >
          > So my question is about ego flattery. I work with a person who is very ego centered and i find that being around her will drain energy, as it were. I posted on another forum for suggestions on how to deal with this. I got the reply of compassion, which works, but this person also said perhaps I should tell her I appreciate her more. I could have taken it the wrong way, but it seemed to me they were suggesting that I basically stroke her ego in a way.
          >
          > Im wondering what the teaching on this would be? It would seem to me that this is counter intuitive if you are being a living example. Not that i'm all that good of being a living example of enlightenment. I have my moments of "forgetting" and I do that a lot.
          >
          > I hope I was able to word this correctly. I struggled with how to write this so that it made sense.
          >
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