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Re: Thanks Dennis.

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  • Sharon
    Marissa, How are things going these days? Sending Metta your way, Sharon
    Message 1 of 15 , Dec 10, 2003
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      Marissa,

      How are things going these days?

      Sending Metta your way,

      Sharon

      --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler
      <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
      > Dear Dennis,
      > Thank you for the kind comments and support. If you'd
      > ever care to share "your mental health experience"
      > feel free to (on line or off - feel free to write
      > privately) - I have heard many and I am sympathetic.
      > It's a tough job (as a therapist) but some tragic
      > things happen in the name of abuse of power. I have
      > seen it in my job a few times too often and here I
      > have felt it myself. Thanks Dennis - thanks everyone.
      > Metta, Marissa. --- DENNIS PHOENIX
      > <dennis_phoenix_98@y...> wrote: > Hey Marissa,
      > >
      > > Wow, that was so well written and you are so in
      > > touch! Do you really even need them? You are
      > > brilliant!
      > > Maybe I am wrong in replying to your email because
      > > my response is more from a gut perspective than the
      > > buddhist perspective but here goes.
      > >
      > > It seems that you are quite capable and evidently
      > > the reason for you seeing a therapist was for
      > > positive growth reasons and not unbalanced
      > > emotionally disturbed ones. I believe this therapist
      > > must of acted improper. Because of these two
      > > "facts"(1. your high calber 2. violations from a
      > > trusted authority) the mental health system had to
      > > activate a sub system, the good ol' boy network to
      > > prevent a scandal/law suit. It could possibly be why
      > > it "appears" you are being ignored , they are
      > > legally stacking the deck because you are a threat.
      > > Remember too that these guys are behavior experts
      > > and they could be responding in ways that will
      > > dishearten you in pursuing this.
      > >
      > > You know though even though you have been violated (
      > > been wronged ) not pursuing it is the best course.
      > > It ironic but it is. You need to just get away from
      > > these people and move on, that is the healthy thing.
      > > It seems as though you are on a threshold here and
      > > the longer it takes you to let go the harder it will
      > > be. You could even fall into the personal ordeal
      > > pit and where someday you may come out at will be
      > > far away from where you went in at, BEWARE. Have you
      > > ever heard that expression, " First thought, best
      > > thought," or " Don't let things escalate?" This is
      > > wisdom.
      > >
      > > I speak from experience, I have my own story that
      > > involves the system and believe me when I say I am
      > > one the mortally wounded standing on the dangerous
      > > side of the threshold trying to plead with you to
      > > not enter here. Don't destroy yourself p.ut them
      > > out of your life so you won't be subject to all the
      > > torment ahead. I know if I go on and try to
      > > articulate this it will just become the ramblings of
      > > a madman, so just go the other way. You have so much
      > > potential don't waste it.
      > >
      > > Quotes:
      > >
      > > "Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing
      > > you can do about the
      > > wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why
      > > hold on to the very thing
      > > which keeps you from hope and love? "
      > > BUSCAGLIA, LEO
      > >
      > > "When you look at the world through the fog of your
      > > own worries, your
      > > anger, your frustration and impatience, many
      > > valuable things will just
      > > pass you by, completely unnoticed. Imagine driving
      > > through town while
      > > someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you gong
      > > to notice the new
      > > flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your focus
      > > will be on that gun.
      > > Are you holding a gun to your own head, by
      > > constantly focusing on
      > > what's wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed
      > > with your own problems that
      > > you don't see the opportunities all around you? Your
      > > attention can be
      > > effectively focused on only one thing at a time.
      > > Sure you have problems
      > > and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is the
      > > value of agonizing
      > > over them? Pay attention to what's good about your
      > > life. Rather than
      > > worrying about what you don't have, seek to make the
      > > best of all the good
      > > things you do have. There are a lot of things right
      > > with your life.
      > > Give your attention to them and they will grow. "
      > > --RALPH S. MARSTON, JR.
      > >
      > > I do hope my tone wasn't misconstrued and I
      > > extremely hope this will be of benefit.
      > >
      > > Dennis
      > >
      > >
      > > marissa weiler <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
      > > Dear Friends,
      > > I hope it's okay if I share a troubling situation
      > > that
      > > I am learning from, but the learning is acutely
      > > painful, disappointing and wounding. Here goes. I
      > > had
      > > two lousy psychotherapies in a row. The last therapy
      > > resulted in very aggressive behavior from the
      > > psychologist and unfair demands and therapy ended in
      > > September. But in January of 2001 a two and a half
      > > year depth psychotherapy, which has turned extremely
      > > unhealthy and damaging to me, was booted. I finished
      > > it up and walked away really quite traumatized from
      > > some very unethical actions and behavior on the part
      > > of the Ph.D. clinical psychologist I saw. I had
      > > developed a huge trust in her, had faith but
      > > disconcerting things started to happen and a
      > > casualness too over and it became an atmosphere
      > > tained
      > > with unprofessional behavior. I learned a lot - I
      > > learned I can wholly give my trust way too fast and
      > > believe people in such positions are "all good
      > > beings
      > > and so wholesome". I want that badly I guess but
      > > it's
      > > naive. There was inappropriate touch on a number of
      > > occasions, 2 breaches of confidentiality, to which
      > > my
      > > psychologist admitted, she revealed enormous amounts
      > > of personal, very private details about her life
      > > with
      > > her partner and so much more. That she worked out of
      > > her house made ethics blur for her somewhat more
      > > because her life was just so evident and right there
      > > for patients to see. That can be confusing for a
      > > patient at times, depending on how personal it gets.
      > > I
      > > hope you all understand that. So, I'm sorry to take
      > > so
      > > long explaining. It's hard to breeze this off in a
      > > few
      > > sentences. One year after therapy ended, I decided I
      > > had been damaged and wounded and taken advantage of
      > > enough that I was going to file an official
      > > complaint
      > > with the local regulatory body - the College of
      > > Psychologists. I filed a very fairly written
      > > complaint, detailing what happened in a very precise
      > > way, with as many details as possible, so as to give
      > > the context of how the unethical actions/behavior
      > > took
      > > place and how this affected me and also, why it was
      > > hard to see it for what it was. The psychologist did
      > > it all in a very subtle way. It was a hard decision
      > > for me to file the complaint. I hadn't ever before
      > > and
      > > take such matters very seriously. It's taken two
      > > years
      > > for the Inquiry Committee to "investigate the
      > > complaints". I provided the name of a psychologist
      > > who
      > > was witness to my ex-psychologist "breaching my
      > > confidentiality". Of course I fully expected in an
      > > investigation that in having the name and phone
      > > number
      > > and address of the witness to the breaches, that the
      > > Inquiry Committee would obviously get in touch with
      > > her, as doing so would substantiate my allegations.
      > > I
      > > got notice last Thursday that the College of
      > > Psychologists found there was "no basis to proceed
      > > on"
      > > and that the psychologist provided satisfactory
      > > answers to the College to assure them she is
      > > conducting a safe practice. I do not know in all
      > > reasonableness how on earth, given what I alleged
      > > and
      > > given the detailed information I provided, including
      > > a
      > > witness, that they could clear her of the
      > > allegations.
      > > It turns out the College never even wrote or called
      > > to
      > > the witness I gave them. The myriad of feelings I am
      > > having are of extreme anger, disappointment, feeling
      > > let down, feeling quite violated (as I put my trust
      > > in
      > > the College to protect me, as a former patient) and
      > > being appalled that they didn't even bother to
      > > contact
      > > an actual witness. So often in complaints people
      > > don't
      > > even have witnesses and here I gave them a very
      > > credible person and they didn't even bother getting
      > > in
      > > touch. In short, there is no way they did a
      > > "thorough
      > > investigation". I have an opportunity to "appeal"
      > > within 14 days but I am very sceptical and my
      > > thoughts
      > > are anything but wholesome about the entire College.
      > > To boot, I called the Registrar to voice my distress
      > > and hurt and what this means to me and she blew the
      > > call off and didn't even call back. The dilemma for
      > > me
      > > is that I believe in compassion and metta. I want to
      > > show loving-kindness and forgiveness but I feel
      > > enormously wronged in this. How do I take a
      > > healthier
      > >
      > === message truncated ===
      >
      >
      ______________________________________________________________________

      > Post your free ad now! http://personals.yahoo.ca
    • marissa weiler
      Dear Sharon, It is so kind of you to write. I am practicing taking one day at a time and I am trying not to let fear and anxiety and concern and major
      Message 2 of 15 , Dec 10, 2003
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        Dear Sharon,
        It is so kind of you to write. I am "practicing"
        taking one day at a time and I am trying not to let
        fear and anxiety and concern and major depression not
        propel me forward to the point where I get massively
        and severely overwhelmed. I am going through a very
        painful situation with a previous psychologist (I know
        - I have no luck with psychologists) and it's
        stressful and worrying. I should say I am in the care
        of a psychologist now who is excellent and knows about
        ethics and boundaries. A previous psychologist has
        taken an action that is really, really harsh. I
        panicked in the last session we had, called her on the
        phone a few times afterwards asking "what to do" in a
        really upset, worried and depressed state because no
        care had been set up by her to replace hers and that
        irritated her enormously. I made a mistake doing that
        but was I in good shape? No, not at all. Still, I own
        it annoyed her and she felt harrassed by it - 5 calls
        over two weeks just saying "I really am not making it,
        what should I do, can you suggest who to go to"? In
        short I take full responsibility. She ended therapy
        badly, said "no calls" and that was that. I should
        have listened and not called, I did and she is angry
        and made a complaint. So, I have learned a lesson. Did
        she have to actually make a complaint? Well, my
        psychologist thinks it's appalling and my doctor who
        prescribes the antidepressants thinks it's horrible
        but she did, I respect that and have to deal with it.
        No means no, no matter what the issue is and I believe
        that and screwed up. So, in short, I am in trouble as
        a result. I am just glad to be with someone
        responsible, ethical, of excellent quality as a
        psychologist and someone who can handle the rigours of
        a "depressed patient with suidical ideation at times"
        and severe anxiety. I must sound like a total loser -
        what with all the debacles with the two past shrinks I
        have seen. Trust me please, I am a gentle, caring
        person, normally enormously grounded, but the past
        year has been very tough, full of loss and I loss
        ground. Now, I have to face an angry psychologist
        angry I didn't listen to her and she actually has
        taken action against me for it. Well, I know I just
        have to own I shouldn't have called at all after
        therapy ended. Depression, anxiety and whatever
        doesn't allow us to do something someone doesn't want.
        So, a "harrassment" complaint is now something I have
        to deal with and please know how ashamed and
        embarrassed I am to admit that here. I just think
        sometimes it's good to "say what's truthfully
        happening", own it, and go on and do better from here
        on forward. I hope no one judges me for it. It takes a
        lot of courage to say this has happened. It was a
        shock - therapy has been over since Sept. 5th and I
        just found out about her complaint two weeks ago.
        Whoa, I was caught off guard. Okay, now I am freaked
        someone will judge. I hope not. Thanks everyone -
        honestly, I am not a bad person but yup, I own my
        mistake. Unfortunately her action has repercussions
        too - and is sure scary and exacerbates the
        depression/fear/anxiety - A LOT. Somehow she
        personalized everything too much - I guess major
        countertransference happened. I know now that just
        because someone says they are a loving-compassionate
        Buddhist psychologist, it doesn't mean they have
        "their" issue together and it doesn't mean they are
        actually loving and compassionate. Actually she was
        very angry, a lot, in therapy and I think she is just
        an angry person. Having said that, I wish her well -
        clearly she doesn't feel the same about me. So, please
        don't judge, okay?! I am in major stress mode and damn
        scared and monumentally depressed but with support
        such as yours and your kind note, it really helps.
        Much metta and peace, Marissa. --- Sharon
        <shar_63@...> wrote:
        ---------------------------------
        Marissa,

        How are things going these days?

        Sending Metta your way,

        Sharon

        --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler
        <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
        > Dear Dennis,
        > Thank you for the kind comments and support. If
        you'd
        > ever care to share "your mental health experience"
        > feel free to (on line or off - feel free to write
        > privately) - I have heard many and I am sympathetic.
        > It's a tough job (as a therapist) but some tragic
        > things happen in the name of abuse of power. I have
        > seen it in my job a few times too often and here I
        > have felt it myself. Thanks Dennis - thanks
        everyone.
        > Metta, Marissa. --- DENNIS PHOENIX
        > <dennis_phoenix_98@y...> wrote: > Hey Marissa,
        > >
        > > Wow, that was so well written and you are so in
        > > touch! Do you really even need them? You are
        > > brilliant!
        > > Maybe I am wrong in replying to your email because
        > > my response is more from a gut perspective than
        the
        > > buddhist perspective but here goes.
        > >
        > > It seems that you are quite capable and evidently
        > > the reason for you seeing a therapist was for
        > > positive growth reasons and not unbalanced
        > > emotionally disturbed ones. I believe this
        therapist
        > > must of acted improper. Because of these two
        > > "facts"(1. your high calber 2. violations from a
        > > trusted authority) the mental health system had to
        > > activate a sub system, the good ol' boy network to
        > > prevent a scandal/law suit. It could possibly be
        why
        > > it "appears" you are being ignored , they are
        > > legally stacking the deck because you are a
        threat.
        > > Remember too that these guys are behavior experts
        > > and they could be responding in ways that will
        > > dishearten you in pursuing this.
        > >
        > > You know though even though you have been violated
        (
        > > been wronged ) not pursuing it is the best course.
        > > It ironic but it is. You need to just get away
        from
        > > these people and move on, that is the healthy
        thing.
        > > It seems as though you are on a threshold here and
        > > the longer it takes you to let go the harder it
        will
        > > be. You could even fall into the personal ordeal
        > > pit and where someday you may come out at will be
        > > far away from where you went in at, BEWARE. Have
        you
        > > ever heard that expression, " First thought, best
        > > thought," or " Don't let things escalate?" This is
        > > wisdom.
        > >
        > > I speak from experience, I have my own story that
        > > involves the system and believe me when I say I am
        > > one the mortally wounded standing on the dangerous
        > > side of the threshold trying to plead with you to
        > > not enter here. Don't destroy yourself p.ut them
        > > out of your life so you won't be subject to all
        the
        > > torment ahead. I know if I go on and try to
        > > articulate this it will just become the ramblings
        of
        > > a madman, so just go the other way. You have so
        much
        > > potential don't waste it.
        > >
        > > Quotes:
        > >
        > > "Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is
        nothing
        > > you can do about the
        > > wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why
        > > hold on to the very thing
        > > which keeps you from hope and love? "
        > > BUSCAGLIA, LEO
        > >
        > > "When you look at the world through the fog of
        your
        > > own worries, your
        > > anger, your frustration and impatience, many
        > > valuable things will just
        > > pass you by, completely unnoticed. Imagine driving
        > > through town while
        > > someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you
        gong
        > > to notice the new
        > > flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your
        focus
        > > will be on that gun.
        > > Are you holding a gun to your own head, by
        > > constantly focusing on
        > > what's wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed
        > > with your own problems that
        > > you don't see the opportunities all around you?
        Your
        > > attention can be
        > > effectively focused on only one thing at a time.
        > > Sure you have problems
        > > and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is
        the
        > > value of agonizing
        > > over them? Pay attention to what's good about your
        > > life. Rather than
        > > worrying about what you don't have, seek to make
        the
        > > best of all the good
        > > things you do have. There are a lot of things
        right
        > > with your life.
        > > Give your attention to them and they will grow. "
        > > --RALPH S. MARSTON, JR.
        > >
        > > I do hope my tone wasn't misconstrued and I
        > > extremely hope this will be of benefit.
        > >
        > > Dennis
        > >
        > >
        > > marissa weiler <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
        > > Dear Friends,
        > > I hope it's okay if I share a troubling situation
        > > that
        > > I am learning from, but the learning is acutely
        > > painful, disappointing and wounding. Here goes. I
        > > had
        > > two lousy psychotherapies in a row. The last
        therapy
        > > resulted in very aggressive behavior from the
        > > psychologist and unfair demands and therapy ended
        in
        > > September. But in January of 2001 a two and a half
        > > year depth psychotherapy, which has turned
        extremely
        > > unhealthy and damaging to me, was booted. I
        finished
        > > it up and walked away really quite traumatized
        from
        > > some very unethical actions and behavior on the
        part
        > > of the Ph.D. clinical psychologist I saw. I had
        > > developed a huge trust in her, had faith but
        > > disconcerting things started to happen and a
        > > casualness too over and it became an atmosphere
        > > tained
        > > with unprofessional behavior. I learned a lot - I
        > > learned I can wholly give my trust way too fast
        and
        > > believe people in such positions are "all good
        > > beings
        > > and so wholesome". I want that badly I guess but
        > > it's
        > > naive. There was inappropriate touch on a number
        of
        > > occasions, 2 breaches of confidentiality, to which
        > > my
        > > psychologist admitted, she revealed enormous
        amounts
        > > of personal, very private details about her life
        > > with
        > > her partner and so much more. That she worked out
        of
        > > her house made ethics blur for her somewhat more
        > > because her life was just so evident and right
        there
        > > for patients to see. That can be confusing for a
        > > patient at times, depending on how personal it
        gets.
        > > I
        > > hope you all understand that. So, I'm sorry to
        take
        > > so
        > > long explaining. It's hard to breeze this off in a
        > > few
        > > sentences. One year after therapy ended, I decided
        I
        > > had been damaged and wounded and taken advantage
        of
        > > enough that I was going to file an official
        > > complaint
        > > with the local regulatory body - the College of
        > > Psychologists. I filed a very fairly written
        > > complaint, detailing what happened in a very
        precise
        > > way, with as many details as possible, so as to
        give
        > > the context of how the unethical actions/behavior
        > > took
        > > place and how this affected me and also, why it
        was
        > > hard to see it for what it was. The psychologist
        did
        > > it all in a very subtle way. It was a hard
        decision
        > > for me to file the complaint. I hadn't ever before
        > > and
        > > take such matters very seriously. It's taken two
        > > years
        > > for the Inquiry Committee to "investigate the
        > > complaints". I provided the name of a psychologist
        > > who
        > > was witness to my ex-psychologist "breaching my
        > > confidentiality". Of course I fully expected in an
        > > investigation that in having the name and phone
        > > number
        > > and address of the witness to the breaches, that
        the
        > > Inquiry Committee would obviously get in touch
        with
        > > her, as doing so would substantiate my
        allegations.
        > > I
        > > got notice last Thursday that the College of
        > > Psychologists found there was "no basis to proceed
        > > on"
        > > and that the psychologist provided satisfactory
        > > answers to the College to assure them she is
        > > conducting a safe practice. I do not know in all
        > > reasonableness how on earth, given what I alleged
        > > and
        > > given the detailed information I provided,
        including
        > > a
        > > witness, that they could clear her of the
        > > allegations.
        > > It turns out the College never even wrote or
        called
        > > to
        > > the witness I gave them. The myriad of feelings I
        am
        > > having are of extreme anger, disappointment,
        feeling
        > > let down, feeling quite violated (as I put my
        trust
        > > in
        > > the College to protect me, as a former patient)
        and
        > > being appalled that they didn't even bother to
        > > contact
        > > an actual witness. So often in complaints people
        > > don't
        > > even have witnesses and here I gave them a very
        > > credible person and they didn't even bother
        getting
        > > in
        > > touch. In short, there is no way they did a
        > > "thorough
        > > investigation". I have an opportunity to "appeal"
        > > within 14 days but I am very sceptical and my
        > > thoughts
        > > are anything but wholesome about the entire
        College.
        > > To boot, I called the Registrar to voice my
        distress
        > > and hurt and what this means to me and she blew
        the
        > > call off and didn't even call back. The dilemma
        for
        > > me
        > > is that I believe in compassion and metta. I want
        to
        > > show loving-kindness and forgiveness but I feel
        > > enormously wronged in this. How do I take a
        > > healthier
        > >
        > === message truncated ===
        >
        >
        ______________________________________________________________________

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      • c b
        Dear Marissa, That your former psychologist flipped out about some distress calls after therapy ended says more about her that you . Please try and
        Message 3 of 15 , Dec 10, 2003
        • 0 Attachment
          Dear Marissa,
          That your former psychologist flipped out about some
          "distress" calls after therapy ended says more about
          "her" that "you". Please try and remember this okay?
          You were her patient and termination is a painful
          issue even in a therapy that is successful and which
          has gone well. If your former psychologist doesn't
          know that she shouldn't be practicing. Wow, are there
          ever "countertransference" issues, here. May I ask how
          long she has been practicing? I am getting a sense she
          isn't overly experienced but she sounds like she has
          one hell of an "attitude" and ego. This is really a
          low blow Marissa for you and it's not fair. You
          shouldn't have to be dealing with any further issues
          with this person and I hope things resolve very
          peacefully. If she had a shred of decency and ethics
          she would not be pursuing any action against you
          because of some phone calls after therapy "essentially
          crying out for help". Also, she should have made sure
          she had you set up with another psychologist before
          cutting you loose. It could have been very serious had
          you harmed yourself in the aftermath and trauma of a
          therapy ending. This woman sounds like her boundaries
          are screwed up and now she is blaming the patient. I
          looked back at your messages on this matter and I am
          relieved to know you are now with an "ethical, very
          good psychologist". I am pretty much in this area for
          work, Marissa and I have seen people "in the helping
          professions" really wound patients and that is so
          counterproductive and harmful. Take a deep breath and
          remember something that might sound trite at this
          point - "this too shall pass". Meditate, do relaxation
          yoga and realize this woman is not entirely together
          and you are better off with someone who is. You
          deserve that Marissa. When we don't love ourselves we
          walk into negative, counterproductive, crappy
          relationships and let people treat us shabbily because
          we don't think we deserve more. We take on all the
          blame, feel horrible and in the end, walk away worse
          than when we went to see someone like this. There are
          some outstanding psychologists/therapists and it
          sounds like you now have one. I am so sorry this
          previous psychologist sounds like she has
          "anger/aversion" issues. It sounds like she is
          "projecting" plenty of her own crap on to you - don't
          let her dump - hang in dear buddha friend. I'm
          thinking of you. Your in the Dharma, Chris. ---
          marissa weiler <marissa_weiler@...> wrote:
          ---------------------------------
          Dear Sharon,
          It is so kind of you to write. I am "practicing"
          taking one day at a time and I am trying not to let
          fear and anxiety and concern and major depression not
          propel me forward to the point where I get massively
          and severely overwhelmed. I am going through a very
          painful situation with a previous psychologist (I know
          - I have no luck with psychologists) and it's
          stressful and worrying. I should say I am in the care
          of a psychologist now who is excellent and knows about
          ethics and boundaries. A previous psychologist has
          taken an action that is really, really harsh. I
          panicked in the last session we had, called her on the
          phone a few times afterwards asking "what to do" in a
          really upset, worried and depressed state because no
          care had been set up by her to replace hers and that
          irritated her enormously. I made a mistake doing that
          but was I in good shape? No, not at all. Still, I own
          it annoyed her and she felt harrassed by it - 5 calls
          over two weeks just saying "I really am not making it,
          what should I do, can you suggest who to go to"? In
          short I take full responsibility. She ended therapy
          badly, said "no calls" and that was that. I should
          have listened and not called, I did and she is angry
          and made a complaint. So, I have learned a lesson. Did
          she have to actually make a complaint? Well, my
          psychologist thinks it's appalling and my doctor who
          prescribes the antidepressants thinks it's horrible
          but she did, I respect that and have to deal with it.
          No means no, no matter what the issue is and I believe
          that and screwed up. So, in short, I am in trouble as
          a result. I am just glad to be with someone
          responsible, ethical, of excellent quality as a
          psychologist and someone who can handle the rigours of
          a "depressed patient with suidical ideation at times"
          and severe anxiety. I must sound like a total loser -
          what with all the debacles with the two past shrinks I
          have seen. Trust me please, I am a gentle, caring
          person, normally enormously grounded, but the past
          year has been very tough, full of loss and I loss
          ground. Now, I have to face an angry psychologist
          angry I didn't listen to her and she actually has
          taken action against me for it. Well, I know I just
          have to own I shouldn't have called at all after
          therapy ended. Depression, anxiety and whatever
          doesn't allow us to do something someone doesn't want.
          So, a "harrassment" complaint is now something I have
          to deal with and please know how ashamed and
          embarrassed I am to admit that here. I just think
          sometimes it's good to "say what's truthfully
          happening", own it, and go on and do better from here
          on forward. I hope no one judges me for it. It takes a
          lot of courage to say this has happened. It was a
          shock - therapy has been over since Sept. 5th and I
          just found out about her complaint two weeks ago.
          Whoa, I was caught off guard. Okay, now I am freaked
          someone will judge. I hope not. Thanks everyone -
          honestly, I am not a bad person but yup, I own my
          mistake. Unfortunately her action has repercussions
          too - and is sure scary and exacerbates the
          depression/fear/anxiety - A LOT. Somehow she
          personalized everything too much - I guess major
          countertransference happened. I know now that just
          because someone says they are a loving-compassionate
          Buddhist psychologist, it doesn't mean they have
          "their" issue together and it doesn't mean they are
          actually loving and compassionate. Actually she was
          very angry, a lot, in therapy and I think she is just
          an angry person. Having said that, I wish her well -
          clearly she doesn't feel the same about me. So, please
          don't judge, okay?! I am in major stress mode and damn
          scared and monumentally depressed but with support
          such as yours and your kind note, it really helps.
          Much metta and peace, Marissa. --- Sharon
          <shar_63@...> wrote:
          ---------------------------------
          Marissa,

          How are things going these days?

          Sending Metta your way,

          Sharon

          --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler
          <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
          > Dear Dennis,
          > Thank you for the kind comments and support. If
          you'd
          > ever care to share "your mental health experience"
          > feel free to (on line or off - feel free to write
          > privately) - I have heard many and I am sympathetic.
          > It's a tough job (as a therapist) but some tragic
          > things happen in the name of abuse of power. I have
          > seen it in my job a few times too often and here I
          > have felt it myself. Thanks Dennis - thanks
          everyone.
          > Metta, Marissa. --- DENNIS PHOENIX
          > <dennis_phoenix_98@y...> wrote: > Hey Marissa,
          > >
          > > Wow, that was so well written and you are so in
          > > touch! Do you really even need them? You are
          > > brilliant!
          > > Maybe I am wrong in replying to your email because
          > > my response is more from a gut perspective than
          the
          > > buddhist perspective but here goes.
          > >
          > > It seems that you are quite capable and evidently
          > > the reason for you seeing a therapist was for
          > > positive growth reasons and not unbalanced
          > > emotionally disturbed ones. I believe this
          therapist
          > > must of acted improper. Because of these two
          > > "facts"(1. your high calber 2. violations from a
          > > trusted authority) the mental health system had to
          > > activate a sub system, the good ol' boy network to
          > > prevent a scandal/law suit. It could possibly be
          why
          > > it "appears" you are being ignored , they are
          > > legally stacking the deck because you are a
          threat.
          > > Remember too that these guys are behavior experts
          > > and they could be responding in ways that will
          > > dishearten you in pursuing this.
          > >
          > > You know though even though you have been violated
          (
          > > been wronged ) not pursuing it is the best course.
          > > It ironic but it is. You need to just get away
          from
          > > these people and move on, that is the healthy
          thing.
          > > It seems as though you are on a threshold here and
          > > the longer it takes you to let go the harder it
          will
          > > be. You could even fall into the personal ordeal
          > > pit and where someday you may come out at will be
          > > far away from where you went in at, BEWARE. Have
          you
          > > ever heard that expression, " First thought, best
          > > thought," or " Don't let things escalate?" This is
          > > wisdom.
          > >
          > > I speak from experience, I have my own story that
          > > involves the system and believe me when I say I am
          > > one the mortally wounded standing on the dangerous
          > > side of the threshold trying to plead with you to
          > > not enter here. Don't destroy yourself p.ut them
          > > out of your life so you won't be subject to all
          the
          > > torment ahead. I know if I go on and try to
          > > articulate this it will just become the ramblings
          of
          > > a madman, so just go the other way. You have so
          much
          > > potential don't waste it.
          > >
          > > Quotes:
          > >
          > > "Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is
          nothing
          > > you can do about the
          > > wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why
          > > hold on to the very thing
          > > which keeps you from hope and love? "
          > > BUSCAGLIA, LEO
          > >
          > > "When you look at the world through the fog of
          your
          > > own worries, your
          > > anger, your frustration and impatience, many
          > > valuable things will just
          > > pass you by, completely unnoticed. Imagine driving
          > > through town while
          > > someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you
          gong
          > > to notice the new
          > > flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your
          focus
          > > will be on that gun.
          > > Are you holding a gun to your own head, by
          > > constantly focusing on
          > > what's wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed
          > > with your own problems that
          > > you don't see the opportunities all around you?
          Your
          > > attention can be
          > > effectively focused on only one thing at a time.
          > > Sure you have problems
          > > and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is
          the
          > > value of agonizing
          > > over them? Pay attention to what's good about your
          > > life. Rather than
          > > worrying about what you don't have, seek to make
          the
          > > best of all the good
          > > things you do have. There are a lot of things
          right
          > > with your life.
          > > Give your attention to them and they will grow. "
          > > --RALPH S. MARSTON, JR.
          > >
          > > I do hope my tone wasn't misconstrued and I
          > > extremely hope this will be of benefit.
          > >
          > > Dennis
          > >
          > >
          > > marissa weiler <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
          > > Dear Friends,
          > > I hope it's okay if I share a troubling situation
          > > that
          > > I am learning from, but the learning is acutely
          > > painful, disappointing and wounding. Here goes. I
          > > had
          > > two lousy psychotherapies in a row. The last
          therapy
          > > resulted in very aggressive behavior from the
          > > psychologist and unfair demands and therapy ended
          in
          > > September. But in January of 2001 a two and a half
          > > year depth psychotherapy, which has turned
          extremely
          > > unhealthy and damaging to me, was booted. I
          finished
          > > it up and walked away really quite traumatized
          from
          > > some very unethical actions and behavior on the
          part
          > > of the Ph.D. clinical psychologist I saw. I had
          > > developed a huge trust in her, had faith but
          > > disconcerting things started to happen and a
          > > casualness too over and it became an atmosphere
          > > tained
          > > with unprofessional behavior. I learned a lot - I
          > > learned I can wholly give my trust way too fast
          and
          > > believe people in such positions are "all good
          > > beings
          > > and so wholesome". I want that badly I guess but
          > > it's
          > > naive. There was inappropriate touch on a number
          of
          > > occasions, 2 breaches of confidentiality, to which
          > > my
          > > psychologist admitted, she revealed enormous
          amounts
          > > of personal, very private details about her life
          > > with
          > > her partner and so much more. That she worked out
          of
          > > her house made ethics blur for her somewhat more
          > > because her life was just so evident and right
          there
          > > for patients to see. That can be confusing for a
          > > patient at times, depending on how personal it
          gets.
          > > I
          > > hope you all understand that. So, I'm sorry to
          take
          > > so
          > > long explaining. It's hard to breeze this off in a
          > > few
          > > sentences. One year after therapy ended, I decided
          I
          > > had been damaged and wounded and taken advantage
          of
          > > enough that I was going to file an official
          > > complaint
          > > with the local regulatory body - the College of
          > > Psychologists. I filed a very fairly written
          > > complaint, detailing what happened in a very
          precise
          > > way, with as many details as possible, so as to
          give
          > > the context of how the unethical actions/behavior
          > > took
          > > place and how this affected me and also, why it
          was
          > > hard to see it for what it was. The psychologist
          did
          > > it all in a very subtle way. It was a hard
          decision
          > > for me to file the complaint. I hadn't ever before
          > > and
          > > take such matters very seriously. It's taken two
          > > years
          > > for the Inquiry Committee to "investigate the
          > > complaints". I provided the name of a psychologist
          > > who
          > > was witness to my ex-psychologist "breaching my
          > > confidentiality". Of course I fully expected in an
          > > investigation that in having the name and phone
          > > number
          > > and address of the witness to the breaches, that
          the
          > > Inquiry Committee would obviously get in touch
          with
          > > her, as doing so would substantiate my
          allegations.
          > > I
          > > got notice last Thursday that the College of
          > > Psychologists found there was "no basis to proceed
          > > on"
          > > and that the psychologist provided satisfactory
          > > answers to the College to assure them she is
          > > conducting a safe practice. I do not know in all
          > > reasonableness how on earth, given what I alleged
          > > and
          > > given the detailed information I provided,
          including
          > > a
          > > witness, that they could clear her of the
          > > allegations.
          > > It turns out the College never even wrote or
          called
          > > to
          > > the witness I gave them. The myriad of feelings I
          am
          > > having are of extreme anger, disappointment,
          feeling
          > > let down, feeling quite violated (as I put my
          trust
          > > in
          > > the College to protect me, as a former patient)
          and
          > > being appalled that they didn't even bother to
          > > contact
          > > an actual witness. So often in complaints people
          > > don't
          > > even have witnesses and here I gave them a very
          > > credible person and they didn't even bother
          getting
          > > in
          > > touch. In short, there is no way they did a
          > > "thorough
          > > investigation". I have an opportunity to "appeal"
          > > within 14 days but I am very sceptical and my
          > > thoughts
          > > are anything but wholesome about the entire
          College.
          > > To boot, I called the Registrar to voice my
          distress
          > > and hurt and what this means to me and she blew
          the
          > > call off and didn't even call back. The dilemma
          for
          > > me
          > > is that I believe in compassion and metta. I want
          to
          > > show loving-kindness and forgiveness but I feel
          > > enormously wronged in this. How do I take a
          > > healthier
          > >
          > === message truncated ===
          >
          >
          ______________________________________________________________________

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        • philofillet
          We re with you, Marissa. Please keep practicing letting go of your anger towards that person. The Buddha said that holding on to anger is like holding on to
          Message 4 of 15 , Dec 10, 2003
          • 0 Attachment
            We're with you, Marissa. Please keep practicing letting go of your
            anger towards that person. The Buddha said that holding on to anger
            is like holding on to excrement, or red hot iron. How about red hot
            excrement! Ouch yuck ouch yuck!
            Lots of metta to you. Don't wait to post to us about your feelings
            until one of us asks. We're here for you any time. (You can also
            write to me directly at plnao@... if you'd like.)

            With metta,

            Philip

            --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler
            <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
            > Dear Sharon,
            > It is so kind of you to write. I am "practicing"
            > taking one day at a time and I am trying not to let
            > fear and anxiety and concern and major depression not
            > propel me forward to the point where I get massively
            > and severely overwhelmed. I am going through a very
            > painful situation with a previous psychologist (I know
            > - I have no luck with psychologists) and it's
            > stressful and worrying. I should say I am in the care
            > of a psychologist now who is excellent and knows about
            > ethics and boundaries. A previous psychologist has
            > taken an action that is really, really harsh. I
            > panicked in the last session we had, called her on the
            > phone a few times afterwards asking "what to do" in a
            > really upset, worried and depressed state because no
            > care had been set up by her to replace hers and that
            > irritated her enormously. I made a mistake doing that
            > but was I in good shape? No, not at all. Still, I own
            > it annoyed her and she felt harrassed by it - 5 calls
            > over two weeks just saying "I really am not making it,
            > what should I do, can you suggest who to go to"? In
            > short I take full responsibility. She ended therapy
            > badly, said "no calls" and that was that. I should
            > have listened and not called, I did and she is angry
            > and made a complaint. So, I have learned a lesson. Did
            > she have to actually make a complaint? Well, my
            > psychologist thinks it's appalling and my doctor who
            > prescribes the antidepressants thinks it's horrible
            > but she did, I respect that and have to deal with it.
            > No means no, no matter what the issue is and I believe
            > that and screwed up. So, in short, I am in trouble as
            > a result. I am just glad to be with someone
            > responsible, ethical, of excellent quality as a
            > psychologist and someone who can handle the rigours of
            > a "depressed patient with suidical ideation at times"
            > and severe anxiety. I must sound like a total loser -
            > what with all the debacles with the two past shrinks I
            > have seen. Trust me please, I am a gentle, caring
            > person, normally enormously grounded, but the past
            > year has been very tough, full of loss and I loss
            > ground. Now, I have to face an angry psychologist
            > angry I didn't listen to her and she actually has
            > taken action against me for it. Well, I know I just
            > have to own I shouldn't have called at all after
            > therapy ended. Depression, anxiety and whatever
            > doesn't allow us to do something someone doesn't want.
            > So, a "harrassment" complaint is now something I have
            > to deal with and please know how ashamed and
            > embarrassed I am to admit that here. I just think
            > sometimes it's good to "say what's truthfully
            > happening", own it, and go on and do better from here
            > on forward. I hope no one judges me for it. It takes a
            > lot of courage to say this has happened. It was a
            > shock - therapy has been over since Sept. 5th and I
            > just found out about her complaint two weeks ago.
            > Whoa, I was caught off guard. Okay, now I am freaked
            > someone will judge. I hope not. Thanks everyone -
            > honestly, I am not a bad person but yup, I own my
            > mistake. Unfortunately her action has repercussions
            > too - and is sure scary and exacerbates the
            > depression/fear/anxiety - A LOT. Somehow she
            > personalized everything too much - I guess major
            > countertransference happened. I know now that just
            > because someone says they are a loving-compassionate
            > Buddhist psychologist, it doesn't mean they have
            > "their" issue together and it doesn't mean they are
            > actually loving and compassionate. Actually she was
            > very angry, a lot, in therapy and I think she is just
            > an angry person. Having said that, I wish her well -
            > clearly she doesn't feel the same about me. So, please
            > don't judge, okay?! I am in major stress mode and damn
            > scared and monumentally depressed but with support
            > such as yours and your kind note, it really helps.
            > Much metta and peace, Marissa. --- Sharon
            > <shar_63@h...> wrote:
            > ---------------------------------
            > Marissa,
            >
            > How are things going these days?
            >
            > Sending Metta your way,
            >
            > Sharon
            >
            > --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler
            > <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
            > > Dear Dennis,
            > > Thank you for the kind comments and support. If
            > you'd
            > > ever care to share "your mental health experience"
            > > feel free to (on line or off - feel free to write
            > > privately) - I have heard many and I am sympathetic.
            > > It's a tough job (as a therapist) but some tragic
            > > things happen in the name of abuse of power. I have
            > > seen it in my job a few times too often and here I
            > > have felt it myself. Thanks Dennis - thanks
            > everyone.
            > > Metta, Marissa. --- DENNIS PHOENIX
            > > <dennis_phoenix_98@y...> wrote: > Hey Marissa,
            > > >
            > > > Wow, that was so well written and you are so in
            > > > touch! Do you really even need them? You are
            > > > brilliant!
            > > > Maybe I am wrong in replying to your email because
            > > > my response is more from a gut perspective than
            > the
            > > > buddhist perspective but here goes.
            > > >
            > > > It seems that you are quite capable and evidently
            > > > the reason for you seeing a therapist was for
            > > > positive growth reasons and not unbalanced
            > > > emotionally disturbed ones. I believe this
            > therapist
            > > > must of acted improper. Because of these two
            > > > "facts"(1. your high calber 2. violations from a
            > > > trusted authority) the mental health system had to
            > > > activate a sub system, the good ol' boy network to
            > > > prevent a scandal/law suit. It could possibly be
            > why
            > > > it "appears" you are being ignored , they are
            > > > legally stacking the deck because you are a
            > threat.
            > > > Remember too that these guys are behavior experts
            > > > and they could be responding in ways that will
            > > > dishearten you in pursuing this.
            > > >
            > > > You know though even though you have been violated
            > (
            > > > been wronged ) not pursuing it is the best course.
            > > > It ironic but it is. You need to just get away
            > from
            > > > these people and move on, that is the healthy
            > thing.
            > > > It seems as though you are on a threshold here and
            > > > the longer it takes you to let go the harder it
            > will
            > > > be. You could even fall into the personal ordeal
            > > > pit and where someday you may come out at will be
            > > > far away from where you went in at, BEWARE. Have
            > you
            > > > ever heard that expression, " First thought, best
            > > > thought," or " Don't let things escalate?" This is
            > > > wisdom.
            > > >
            > > > I speak from experience, I have my own story that
            > > > involves the system and believe me when I say I am
            > > > one the mortally wounded standing on the dangerous
            > > > side of the threshold trying to plead with you to
            > > > not enter here. Don't destroy yourself p.ut them
            > > > out of your life so you won't be subject to all
            > the
            > > > torment ahead. I know if I go on and try to
            > > > articulate this it will just become the ramblings
            > of
            > > > a madman, so just go the other way. You have so
            > much
            > > > potential don't waste it.
            > > >
            > > > Quotes:
            > > >
            > > > "Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is
            > nothing
            > > > you can do about the
            > > > wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why
            > > > hold on to the very thing
            > > > which keeps you from hope and love? "
            > > > BUSCAGLIA, LEO
            > > >
            > > > "When you look at the world through the fog of
            > your
            > > > own worries, your
            > > > anger, your frustration and impatience, many
            > > > valuable things will just
            > > > pass you by, completely unnoticed. Imagine driving
            > > > through town while
            > > > someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you
            > gong
            > > > to notice the new
            > > > flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your
            > focus
            > > > will be on that gun.
            > > > Are you holding a gun to your own head, by
            > > > constantly focusing on
            > > > what's wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed
            > > > with your own problems that
            > > > you don't see the opportunities all around you?
            > Your
            > > > attention can be
            > > > effectively focused on only one thing at a time.
            > > > Sure you have problems
            > > > and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is
            > the
            > > > value of agonizing
            > > > over them? Pay attention to what's good about your
            > > > life. Rather than
            > > > worrying about what you don't have, seek to make
            > the
            > > > best of all the good
            > > > things you do have. There are a lot of things
            > right
            > > > with your life.
            > > > Give your attention to them and they will grow. "
            > > > --RALPH S. MARSTON, JR.
            > > >
            > > > I do hope my tone wasn't misconstrued and I
            > > > extremely hope this will be of benefit.
            > > >
            > > > Dennis
            > > >
            > > >
            > > > marissa weiler <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
            > > > Dear Friends,
            > > > I hope it's okay if I share a troubling situation
            > > > that
            > > > I am learning from, but the learning is acutely
            > > > painful, disappointing and wounding. Here goes. I
            > > > had
            > > > two lousy psychotherapies in a row. The last
            > therapy
            > > > resulted in very aggressive behavior from the
            > > > psychologist and unfair demands and therapy ended
            > in
            > > > September. But in January of 2001 a two and a half
            > > > year depth psychotherapy, which has turned
            > extremely
            > > > unhealthy and damaging to me, was booted. I
            > finished
            > > > it up and walked away really quite traumatized
            > from
            > > > some very unethical actions and behavior on the
            > part
            > > > of the Ph.D. clinical psychologist I saw. I had
            > > > developed a huge trust in her, had faith but
            > > > disconcerting things started to happen and a
            > > > casualness too over and it became an atmosphere
            > > > tained
            > > > with unprofessional behavior. I learned a lot - I
            > > > learned I can wholly give my trust way too fast
            > and
            > > > believe people in such positions are "all good
            > > > beings
            > > > and so wholesome". I want that badly I guess but
            > > > it's
            > > > naive. There was inappropriate touch on a number
            > of
            > > > occasions, 2 breaches of confidentiality, to which
            > > > my
            > > > psychologist admitted, she revealed enormous
            > amounts
            > > > of personal, very private details about her life
            > > > with
            > > > her partner and so much more. That she worked out
            > of
            > > > her house made ethics blur for her somewhat more
            > > > because her life was just so evident and right
            > there
            > > > for patients to see. That can be confusing for a
            > > > patient at times, depending on how personal it
            > gets.
            > > > I
            > > > hope you all understand that. So, I'm sorry to
            > take
            > > > so
            > > > long explaining. It's hard to breeze this off in a
            > > > few
            > > > sentences. One year after therapy ended, I decided
            > I
            > > > had been damaged and wounded and taken advantage
            > of
            > > > enough that I was going to file an official
            > > > complaint
            > > > with the local regulatory body - the College of
            > > > Psychologists. I filed a very fairly written
            > > > complaint, detailing what happened in a very
            > precise
            > > > way, with as many details as possible, so as to
            > give
            > > > the context of how the unethical actions/behavior
            > > > took
            > > > place and how this affected me and also, why it
            > was
            > > > hard to see it for what it was. The psychologist
            > did
            > > > it all in a very subtle way. It was a hard
            > decision
            > > > for me to file the complaint. I hadn't ever before
            > > > and
            > > > take such matters very seriously. It's taken two
            > > > years
            > > > for the Inquiry Committee to "investigate the
            > > > complaints". I provided the name of a psychologist
            > > > who
            > > > was witness to my ex-psychologist "breaching my
            > > > confidentiality". Of course I fully expected in an
            > > > investigation that in having the name and phone
            > > > number
            > > > and address of the witness to the breaches, that
            > the
            > > > Inquiry Committee would obviously get in touch
            > with
            > > > her, as doing so would substantiate my
            > allegations.
            > > > I
            > > > got notice last Thursday that the College of
            > > > Psychologists found there was "no basis to proceed
            > > > on"
            > > > and that the psychologist provided satisfactory
            > > > answers to the College to assure them she is
            > > > conducting a safe practice. I do not know in all
            > > > reasonableness how on earth, given what I alleged
            > > > and
            > > > given the detailed information I provided,
            > including
            > > > a
            > > > witness, that they could clear her of the
            > > > allegations.
            > > > It turns out the College never even wrote or
            > called
            > > > to
            > > > the witness I gave them. The myriad of feelings I
            > am
            > > > having are of extreme anger, disappointment,
            > feeling
            > > > let down, feeling quite violated (as I put my
            > trust
            > > > in
            > > > the College to protect me, as a former patient)
            > and
            > > > being appalled that they didn't even bother to
            > > > contact
            > > > an actual witness. So often in complaints people
            > > > don't
            > > > even have witnesses and here I gave them a very
            > > > credible person and they didn't even bother
            > getting
            > > > in
            > > > touch. In short, there is no way they did a
            > > > "thorough
            > > > investigation". I have an opportunity to "appeal"
            > > > within 14 days but I am very sceptical and my
            > > > thoughts
            > > > are anything but wholesome about the entire
            > College.
            > > > To boot, I called the Registrar to voice my
            > distress
            > > > and hurt and what this means to me and she blew
            > the
            > > > call off and didn't even call back. The dilemma
            > for
            > > > me
            > > > is that I believe in compassion and metta. I want
            > to
            > > > show loving-kindness and forgiveness but I feel
            > > > enormously wronged in this. How do I take a
            > > > healthier
            > > >
            > > === message truncated ===
            > >
            > >
            >
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          • c b
            Dear Philip, Thank you so much for reaching out. I really mean that and appreciate it a great deal. I promise I am working on letting go of the anger towards
            Message 5 of 15 , Dec 10, 2003
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              Dear Philip,
              Thank you so much for reaching out. I really mean that
              and appreciate it a great deal. I promise I am working
              on letting go of the anger towards this person. I
              thought I was a little further ahead and boom,
              something else came up with her but I very much want
              to let go of the anger because not only do I want it
              directed at her - but also, I don't want to have that
              hurt and red hold excrement in my hand - OUCH IS RIGHT
              :) This isn't about "keeping score". Yes, I know she
              is obviously angry with me and for that I feel bad and
              sad but I can't change her feelings and hopefully they
              will mellow. I don't know if I am oversensitive as a
              person (I have been sensitive since I was little) but
              when someone really is angry I feel bad and want to
              make everything okay and sometimes I guess we can't.
              But in my heart I don't want to feel "anger" either
              towards Cheryl. Thank you Philip. Much metta and
              peace, Marissa. --- philofillet
              <bunnyboo@...> wrote:
              ---------------------------------

              We're with you, Marissa. Please keep practicing
              letting go of your
              anger towards that person. The Buddha said that
              holding on to anger
              is like holding on to excrement, or red hot iron. How
              about red hot
              excrement! Ouch yuck ouch yuck!
              Lots of metta to you. Don't wait to post to us about
              your feelings
              until one of us asks. We're here for you any time.
              (You can also
              write to me directly at plnao@... if you'd
              like.)

              With metta,

              Philip

              --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler
              <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
              > Dear Sharon,
              > It is so kind of you to write. I am "practicing"
              > taking one day at a time and I am trying not to let
              > fear and anxiety and concern and major depression
              not
              > propel me forward to the point where I get massively
              > and severely overwhelmed. I am going through a very
              > painful situation with a previous psychologist (I
              know
              > - I have no luck with psychologists) and it's
              > stressful and worrying. I should say I am in the
              care
              > of a psychologist now who is excellent and knows
              about
              > ethics and boundaries. A previous psychologist has
              > taken an action that is really, really harsh. I
              > panicked in the last session we had, called her on
              the
              > phone a few times afterwards asking "what to do" in
              a
              > really upset, worried and depressed state because no
              > care had been set up by her to replace hers and that
              > irritated her enormously. I made a mistake doing
              that
              > but was I in good shape? No, not at all. Still, I
              own
              > it annoyed her and she felt harrassed by it - 5
              calls
              > over two weeks just saying "I really am not making
              it,
              > what should I do, can you suggest who to go to"? In
              > short I take full responsibility. She ended therapy
              > badly, said "no calls" and that was that. I should
              > have listened and not called, I did and she is angry
              > and made a complaint. So, I have learned a lesson.
              Did
              > she have to actually make a complaint? Well, my
              > psychologist thinks it's appalling and my doctor who
              > prescribes the antidepressants thinks it's horrible
              > but she did, I respect that and have to deal with
              it.
              > No means no, no matter what the issue is and I
              believe
              > that and screwed up. So, in short, I am in trouble
              as
              > a result. I am just glad to be with someone
              > responsible, ethical, of excellent quality as a
              > psychologist and someone who can handle the rigours
              of
              > a "depressed patient with suidical ideation at
              times"
              > and severe anxiety. I must sound like a total loser
              -
              > what with all the debacles with the two past shrinks
              I
              > have seen. Trust me please, I am a gentle, caring
              > person, normally enormously grounded, but the past
              > year has been very tough, full of loss and I loss
              > ground. Now, I have to face an angry psychologist
              > angry I didn't listen to her and she actually has
              > taken action against me for it. Well, I know I just
              > have to own I shouldn't have called at all after
              > therapy ended. Depression, anxiety and whatever
              > doesn't allow us to do something someone doesn't
              want.
              > So, a "harrassment" complaint is now something I
              have
              > to deal with and please know how ashamed and
              > embarrassed I am to admit that here. I just think
              > sometimes it's good to "say what's truthfully
              > happening", own it, and go on and do better from
              here
              > on forward. I hope no one judges me for it. It takes
              a
              > lot of courage to say this has happened. It was a
              > shock - therapy has been over since Sept. 5th and I
              > just found out about her complaint two weeks ago.
              > Whoa, I was caught off guard. Okay, now I am freaked
              > someone will judge. I hope not. Thanks everyone -
              > honestly, I am not a bad person but yup, I own my
              > mistake. Unfortunately her action has repercussions
              > too - and is sure scary and exacerbates the
              > depression/fear/anxiety - A LOT. Somehow she
              > personalized everything too much - I guess major
              > countertransference happened. I know now that just
              > because someone says they are a loving-compassionate
              > Buddhist psychologist, it doesn't mean they have
              > "their" issue together and it doesn't mean they are
              > actually loving and compassionate. Actually she was
              > very angry, a lot, in therapy and I think she is
              just
              > an angry person. Having said that, I wish her well -
              > clearly she doesn't feel the same about me. So,
              please
              > don't judge, okay?! I am in major stress mode and
              damn
              > scared and monumentally depressed but with support
              > such as yours and your kind note, it really helps.
              > Much metta and peace, Marissa. --- Sharon
              > <shar_63@h...> wrote:
              > ---------------------------------
              > Marissa,
              >
              > How are things going these days?
              >
              > Sending Metta your way,
              >
              > Sharon
              >
              > --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler

              > <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
              > > Dear Dennis,
              > > Thank you for the kind comments and support. If
              > you'd
              > > ever care to share "your mental health experience"
              > > feel free to (on line or off - feel free to write
              > > privately) - I have heard many and I am
              sympathetic.
              > > It's a tough job (as a therapist) but some tragic
              > > things happen in the name of abuse of power. I
              have
              > > seen it in my job a few times too often and here I
              > > have felt it myself. Thanks Dennis - thanks
              > everyone.
              > > Metta, Marissa. --- DENNIS PHOENIX
              > > <dennis_phoenix_98@y...> wrote: > Hey Marissa,
              > > >
              > > > Wow, that was so well written and you are so in
              > > > touch! Do you really even need them? You are
              > > > brilliant!
              > > > Maybe I am wrong in replying to your email
              because
              > > > my response is more from a gut perspective than
              > the
              > > > buddhist perspective but here goes.
              > > >
              > > > It seems that you are quite capable and
              evidently
              > > > the reason for you seeing a therapist was for
              > > > positive growth reasons and not unbalanced
              > > > emotionally disturbed ones. I believe this
              > therapist
              > > > must of acted improper. Because of these two
              > > > "facts"(1. your high calber 2. violations from a
              > > > trusted authority) the mental health system had
              to
              > > > activate a sub system, the good ol' boy network
              to
              > > > prevent a scandal/law suit. It could possibly be
              > why
              > > > it "appears" you are being ignored , they are
              > > > legally stacking the deck because you are a
              > threat.
              > > > Remember too that these guys are behavior
              experts
              > > > and they could be responding in ways that will
              > > > dishearten you in pursuing this.
              > > >
              > > > You know though even though you have been
              violated
              > (
              > > > been wronged ) not pursuing it is the best
              course.
              > > > It ironic but it is. You need to just get away
              > from
              > > > these people and move on, that is the healthy
              > thing.
              > > > It seems as though you are on a threshold here
              and
              > > > the longer it takes you to let go the harder it
              > will
              > > > be. You could even fall into the personal
              ordeal
              > > > pit and where someday you may come out at will
              be
              > > > far away from where you went in at, BEWARE. Have
              > you
              > > > ever heard that expression, " First thought,
              best
              > > > thought," or " Don't let things escalate?" This
              is
              > > > wisdom.
              > > >
              > > > I speak from experience, I have my own story
              that
              > > > involves the system and believe me when I say I
              am
              > > > one the mortally wounded standing on the
              dangerous
              > > > side of the threshold trying to plead with you
              to
              > > > not enter here. Don't destroy yourself p.ut
              them
              > > > out of your life so you won't be subject to all
              > the
              > > > torment ahead. I know if I go on and try to
              > > > articulate this it will just become the
              ramblings
              > of
              > > > a madman, so just go the other way. You have so
              > much
              > > > potential don't waste it.
              > > >
              > > > Quotes:
              > > >
              > > > "Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is
              > nothing
              > > > you can do about the
              > > > wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge.
              Why
              > > > hold on to the very thing
              > > > which keeps you from hope and love? "
              > > > BUSCAGLIA, LEO
              > > >
              > > > "When you look at the world through the fog of
              > your
              > > > own worries, your
              > > > anger, your frustration and impatience, many
              > > > valuable things will just
              > > > pass you by, completely unnoticed. Imagine
              driving
              > > > through town while
              > > > someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you
              > gong
              > > > to notice the new
              > > > flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your
              > focus
              > > > will be on that gun.
              > > > Are you holding a gun to your own head, by
              > > > constantly focusing on
              > > > what's wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed
              > > > with your own problems that
              > > > you don't see the opportunities all around you?
              > Your
              > > > attention can be
              > > > effectively focused on only one thing at a time.

              > > > Sure you have problems
              > > > and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is
              > the
              > > > value of agonizing
              > > > over them? Pay attention to what's good about
              your
              > > > life. Rather than
              > > > worrying about what you don't have, seek to make
              > the
              > > > best of all the good
              > > > things you do have. There are a lot of things
              > right
              > > > with your life.
              > > > Give your attention to them and they will grow.
              "
              > > > --RALPH S. MARSTON, JR.
              > > >
              > > > I do hope my tone wasn't misconstrued and I
              > > > extremely hope this will be of benefit.
              > > >
              > > > Dennis
              > > >
              > > >
              > > > marissa weiler <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
              > > > Dear Friends,
              > > > I hope it's okay if I share a troubling
              situation
              > > > that
              > > > I am learning from, but the learning is acutely
              > > > painful, disappointing and wounding. Here goes.
              I
              > > > had
              > > > two lousy psychotherapies in a row. The last
              > therapy
              > > > resulted in very aggressive behavior from the
              > > > psychologist and unfair demands and therapy
              ended
              > in
              > > > September. But in January of 2001 a two and a
              half
              > > > year depth psychotherapy, which has turned
              > extremely
              > > > unhealthy and damaging to me, was booted. I
              > finished
              > > > it up and walked away really quite traumatized
              > from
              > > > some very unethical actions and behavior on the
              > part
              > > > of the Ph.D. clinical psychologist I saw. I had
              > > > developed a huge trust in her, had faith but
              > > > disconcerting things started to happen and a
              > > > casualness too over and it became an atmosphere
              > > > tained
              > > > with unprofessional behavior. I learned a lot -
              I
              > > > learned I can wholly give my trust way too fast
              > and
              > > > believe people in such positions are "all good
              > > > beings
              > > > and so wholesome". I want that badly I guess but
              > > > it's
              > > > naive. There was inappropriate touch on a number
              > of
              > > > occasions, 2 breaches of confidentiality, to
              which
              > > > my
              > > > psychologist admitted, she revealed enormous
              > amounts
              > > > of personal, very private details about her life
              > > > with
              > > > her partner and so much more. That she worked
              out
              > of
              > > > her house made ethics blur for her somewhat more
              > > > because her life was just so evident and right
              > there
              > > > for patients to see. That can be confusing for a
              > > > patient at times, depending on how personal it
              > gets.
              > > > I
              > > > hope you all understand that. So, I'm sorry to
              > take
              > > > so
              > > > long explaining. It's hard to breeze this off in
              a
              > > > few
              > > > sentences. One year after therapy ended, I
              decided
              > I
              > > > had been damaged and wounded and taken advantage
              > of
              > > > enough that I was going to file an official
              > > > complaint
              > > > with the local regulatory body - the College of
              > > > Psychologists. I filed a very fairly written
              > > > complaint, detailing what happened in a very
              > precise
              > > > way, with as many details as possible, so as to
              > give
              > > > the context of how the unethical
              actions/behavior
              > > > took
              > > > place and how this affected me and also, why it
              > was
              > > > hard to see it for what it was. The psychologist
              > did
              > > > it all in a very subtle way. It was a hard
              > decision
              > > > for me to file the complaint. I hadn't ever
              before
              > > > and
              > > > take such matters very seriously. It's taken two
              > > > years
              > > > for the Inquiry Committee to "investigate the
              > > > complaints". I provided the name of a
              psychologist
              > > > who
              > > > was witness to my ex-psychologist "breaching my
              > > > confidentiality". Of course I fully expected in
              an
              > > > investigation that in having the name and phone
              > > > number
              > > > and address of the witness to the breaches, that
              > the
              > > > Inquiry Committee would obviously get in touch
              > with
              > > > her, as doing so would substantiate my
              > allegations.
              > > > I
              > > > got notice last Thursday that the College of
              > > > Psychologists found there was "no basis to
              proceed
              > > > on"
              > > > and that the psychologist provided satisfactory
              > > > answers to the College to assure them she is
              > > > conducting a safe practice. I do not know in all
              > > > reasonableness how on earth, given what I
              alleged
              > > > and
              > > > given the detailed information I provided,
              > including
              > > > a
              > > > witness, that they could clear her of the
              > > > allegations.
              > > > It turns out the College never even wrote or
              > called
              > > > to
              > > > the witness I gave them. The myriad of feelings
              I
              > am
              > > > having are of extreme anger, disappointment,
              > feeling
              > > > let down, feeling quite violated (as I put my
              > trust
              > > > in
              > > > the College to protect me, as a former patient)
              > and
              > > > being appalled that they didn't even bother to
              > > > contact
              > > > an actual witness. So often in complaints people
              > > > don't
              > > > even have witnesses and here I gave them a very
              > > > credible person and they didn't even bother
              > getting
              > > > in
              > > > touch. In short, there is no way they did a
              > > > "thorough
              > > > investigation". I have an opportunity to
              "appeal"
              > > > within 14 days but I am very sceptical and my
              > > > thoughts
              > > > are anything but wholesome about the entire
              > College.
              > > > To boot, I called the Registrar to voice my
              > distress
              > > > and hurt and what this means to me and she blew
              > the
              > > > call off and didn't even call back. The dilemma
              > for
              > > > me
              > > > is that I believe in compassion and metta. I
              want
              > to
              > > > show loving-kindness and forgiveness but I feel
              > > > enormously wronged in this. How do I take a
              > > > healthier
              > > >
              > > === message truncated ===
              > >
              > >
              >
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            • Sharon
              ... Been there, done that! :o( I am in 100% agreement with this statement, and I think it is really crucial for those of us in this position to work first
              Message 6 of 15 , Dec 11, 2003
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                --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, c b <dharma_depth@y...> wrote:

                >When we don't love ourselves we
                > walk into negative, counterproductive, crappy
                > relationships and let people treat us shabbily because
                > we don't think we deserve more. We take on all the
                > blame, feel horrible and in the end, walk away worse
                > than when we went to see someone like this.

                Been there, done that! :o( I am in 100% agreement with this
                statement, and I think it is really crucial for those of us in this
                position to work first and foremost on befriending and loving
                ourselves. (The Buddha was very wise . . . starting Metta
                meditations with generating love and friendliness to ourselves.)

                When we've befriended ourselves I think it is easier, too, to be
                friendly towards everyone *around us* in a more balanced way, too.

                In lovingkindness,

                Sharon
              • Sharon
                Philip, Red hot excrement! Oh no! :o) I really like this image . . .it s so darn true . . . ouch and yuck is right! In lovingkindness, Sharon ... your ...
                Message 7 of 15 , Dec 11, 2003
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                  Philip,

                  Red hot excrement! Oh no! :o) I really like this image . . .it's
                  so darn true . . . ouch and yuck is right!

                  In lovingkindness,

                  Sharon

                  --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, "philofillet" <bunnyboo@j...>
                  wrote:
                  >
                  > We're with you, Marissa. Please keep practicing letting go of
                  your
                  > anger towards that person. The Buddha said that holding on to anger
                  > is like holding on to excrement, or red hot iron. How about red hot
                  > excrement! Ouch yuck ouch yuck!
                  > Lots of metta to you. Don't wait to post to us about your
                  feelings
                  > until one of us asks. We're here for you any time. (You can also
                  > write to me directly at plnao@j... if you'd like.)
                  >
                  > With metta,
                  >
                  > Philip
                  >
                  > --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler
                  > <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
                  > > Dear Sharon,
                  > > It is so kind of you to write. I am "practicing"
                  > > taking one day at a time and I am trying not to let
                  > > fear and anxiety and concern and major depression not
                  > > propel me forward to the point where I get massively
                  > > and severely overwhelmed. I am going through a very
                  > > painful situation with a previous psychologist (I know
                  > > - I have no luck with psychologists) and it's
                  > > stressful and worrying. I should say I am in the care
                  > > of a psychologist now who is excellent and knows about
                  > > ethics and boundaries. A previous psychologist has
                  > > taken an action that is really, really harsh. I
                  > > panicked in the last session we had, called her on the
                  > > phone a few times afterwards asking "what to do" in a
                  > > really upset, worried and depressed state because no
                  > > care had been set up by her to replace hers and that
                  > > irritated her enormously. I made a mistake doing that
                  > > but was I in good shape? No, not at all. Still, I own
                  > > it annoyed her and she felt harrassed by it - 5 calls
                  > > over two weeks just saying "I really am not making it,
                  > > what should I do, can you suggest who to go to"? In
                  > > short I take full responsibility. She ended therapy
                  > > badly, said "no calls" and that was that. I should
                  > > have listened and not called, I did and she is angry
                  > > and made a complaint. So, I have learned a lesson. Did
                  > > she have to actually make a complaint? Well, my
                  > > psychologist thinks it's appalling and my doctor who
                  > > prescribes the antidepressants thinks it's horrible
                  > > but she did, I respect that and have to deal with it.
                  > > No means no, no matter what the issue is and I believe
                  > > that and screwed up. So, in short, I am in trouble as
                  > > a result. I am just glad to be with someone
                  > > responsible, ethical, of excellent quality as a
                  > > psychologist and someone who can handle the rigours of
                  > > a "depressed patient with suidical ideation at times"
                  > > and severe anxiety. I must sound like a total loser -
                  > > what with all the debacles with the two past shrinks I
                  > > have seen. Trust me please, I am a gentle, caring
                  > > person, normally enormously grounded, but the past
                  > > year has been very tough, full of loss and I loss
                  > > ground. Now, I have to face an angry psychologist
                  > > angry I didn't listen to her and she actually has
                  > > taken action against me for it. Well, I know I just
                  > > have to own I shouldn't have called at all after
                  > > therapy ended. Depression, anxiety and whatever
                  > > doesn't allow us to do something someone doesn't want.
                  > > So, a "harrassment" complaint is now something I have
                  > > to deal with and please know how ashamed and
                  > > embarrassed I am to admit that here. I just think
                  > > sometimes it's good to "say what's truthfully
                  > > happening", own it, and go on and do better from here
                  > > on forward. I hope no one judges me for it. It takes a
                  > > lot of courage to say this has happened. It was a
                  > > shock - therapy has been over since Sept. 5th and I
                  > > just found out about her complaint two weeks ago.
                  > > Whoa, I was caught off guard. Okay, now I am freaked
                  > > someone will judge. I hope not. Thanks everyone -
                  > > honestly, I am not a bad person but yup, I own my
                  > > mistake. Unfortunately her action has repercussions
                  > > too - and is sure scary and exacerbates the
                  > > depression/fear/anxiety - A LOT. Somehow she
                  > > personalized everything too much - I guess major
                  > > countertransference happened. I know now that just
                  > > because someone says they are a loving-compassionate
                  > > Buddhist psychologist, it doesn't mean they have
                  > > "their" issue together and it doesn't mean they are
                  > > actually loving and compassionate. Actually she was
                  > > very angry, a lot, in therapy and I think she is just
                  > > an angry person. Having said that, I wish her well -
                  > > clearly she doesn't feel the same about me. So, please
                  > > don't judge, okay?! I am in major stress mode and damn
                  > > scared and monumentally depressed but with support
                  > > such as yours and your kind note, it really helps.
                  > > Much metta and peace, Marissa. --- Sharon
                  > > <shar_63@h...> wrote:
                  > > ---------------------------------
                  > > Marissa,
                  > >
                  > > How are things going these days?
                  > >
                  > > Sending Metta your way,
                  > >
                  > > Sharon
                  > >
                  > > --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler
                  > > <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
                  > > > Dear Dennis,
                  > > > Thank you for the kind comments and support. If
                  > > you'd
                  > > > ever care to share "your mental health experience"
                  > > > feel free to (on line or off - feel free to write
                  > > > privately) - I have heard many and I am sympathetic.
                  > > > It's a tough job (as a therapist) but some tragic
                  > > > things happen in the name of abuse of power. I have
                  > > > seen it in my job a few times too often and here I
                  > > > have felt it myself. Thanks Dennis - thanks
                  > > everyone.
                  > > > Metta, Marissa. --- DENNIS PHOENIX
                  > > > <dennis_phoenix_98@y...> wrote: > Hey Marissa,
                  > > > >
                  > > > > Wow, that was so well written and you are so in
                  > > > > touch! Do you really even need them? You are
                  > > > > brilliant!
                  > > > > Maybe I am wrong in replying to your email because
                  > > > > my response is more from a gut perspective than
                  > > the
                  > > > > buddhist perspective but here goes.
                  > > > >
                  > > > > It seems that you are quite capable and evidently
                  > > > > the reason for you seeing a therapist was for
                  > > > > positive growth reasons and not unbalanced
                  > > > > emotionally disturbed ones. I believe this
                  > > therapist
                  > > > > must of acted improper. Because of these two
                  > > > > "facts"(1. your high calber 2. violations from a
                  > > > > trusted authority) the mental health system had to
                  > > > > activate a sub system, the good ol' boy network to
                  > > > > prevent a scandal/law suit. It could possibly be
                  > > why
                  > > > > it "appears" you are being ignored , they are
                  > > > > legally stacking the deck because you are a
                  > > threat.
                  > > > > Remember too that these guys are behavior experts
                  > > > > and they could be responding in ways that will
                  > > > > dishearten you in pursuing this.
                  > > > >
                  > > > > You know though even though you have been violated
                  > > (
                  > > > > been wronged ) not pursuing it is the best course.
                  > > > > It ironic but it is. You need to just get away
                  > > from
                  > > > > these people and move on, that is the healthy
                  > > thing.
                  > > > > It seems as though you are on a threshold here and
                  > > > > the longer it takes you to let go the harder it
                  > > will
                  > > > > be. You could even fall into the personal ordeal
                  > > > > pit and where someday you may come out at will be
                  > > > > far away from where you went in at, BEWARE. Have
                  > > you
                  > > > > ever heard that expression, " First thought, best
                  > > > > thought," or " Don't let things escalate?" This is
                  > > > > wisdom.
                  > > > >
                  > > > > I speak from experience, I have my own story that
                  > > > > involves the system and believe me when I say I am
                  > > > > one the mortally wounded standing on the dangerous
                  > > > > side of the threshold trying to plead with you to
                  > > > > not enter here. Don't destroy yourself p.ut them
                  > > > > out of your life so you won't be subject to all
                  > > the
                  > > > > torment ahead. I know if I go on and try to
                  > > > > articulate this it will just become the ramblings
                  > > of
                  > > > > a madman, so just go the other way. You have so
                  > > much
                  > > > > potential don't waste it.
                  > > > >
                  > > > > Quotes:
                  > > > >
                  > > > > "Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is
                  > > nothing
                  > > > > you can do about the
                  > > > > wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why
                  > > > > hold on to the very thing
                  > > > > which keeps you from hope and love? "
                  > > > > BUSCAGLIA, LEO
                  > > > >
                  > > > > "When you look at the world through the fog of
                  > > your
                  > > > > own worries, your
                  > > > > anger, your frustration and impatience, many
                  > > > > valuable things will just
                  > > > > pass you by, completely unnoticed. Imagine driving
                  > > > > through town while
                  > > > > someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you
                  > > gong
                  > > > > to notice the new
                  > > > > flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your
                  > > focus
                  > > > > will be on that gun.
                  > > > > Are you holding a gun to your own head, by
                  > > > > constantly focusing on
                  > > > > what's wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed
                  > > > > with your own problems that
                  > > > > you don't see the opportunities all around you?
                  > > Your
                  > > > > attention can be
                  > > > > effectively focused on only one thing at a time.
                  > > > > Sure you have problems
                  > > > > and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is
                  > > the
                  > > > > value of agonizing
                  > > > > over them? Pay attention to what's good about your
                  > > > > life. Rather than
                  > > > > worrying about what you don't have, seek to make
                  > > the
                  > > > > best of all the good
                  > > > > things you do have. There are a lot of things
                  > > right
                  > > > > with your life.
                  > > > > Give your attention to them and they will grow. "
                  > > > > --RALPH S. MARSTON, JR.
                  > > > >
                  > > > > I do hope my tone wasn't misconstrued and I
                  > > > > extremely hope this will be of benefit.
                  > > > >
                  > > > > Dennis
                  > > > >
                  > > > >
                  > > > > marissa weiler <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
                  > > > > Dear Friends,
                  > > > > I hope it's okay if I share a troubling situation
                  > > > > that
                  > > > > I am learning from, but the learning is acutely
                  > > > > painful, disappointing and wounding. Here goes. I
                  > > > > had
                  > > > > two lousy psychotherapies in a row. The last
                  > > therapy
                  > > > > resulted in very aggressive behavior from the
                  > > > > psychologist and unfair demands and therapy ended
                  > > in
                  > > > > September. But in January of 2001 a two and a half
                  > > > > year depth psychotherapy, which has turned
                  > > extremely
                  > > > > unhealthy and damaging to me, was booted. I
                  > > finished
                  > > > > it up and walked away really quite traumatized
                  > > from
                  > > > > some very unethical actions and behavior on the
                  > > part
                  > > > > of the Ph.D. clinical psychologist I saw. I had
                  > > > > developed a huge trust in her, had faith but
                  > > > > disconcerting things started to happen and a
                  > > > > casualness too over and it became an atmosphere
                  > > > > tained
                  > > > > with unprofessional behavior. I learned a lot - I
                  > > > > learned I can wholly give my trust way too fast
                  > > and
                  > > > > believe people in such positions are "all good
                  > > > > beings
                  > > > > and so wholesome". I want that badly I guess but
                  > > > > it's
                  > > > > naive. There was inappropriate touch on a number
                  > > of
                  > > > > occasions, 2 breaches of confidentiality, to which
                  > > > > my
                  > > > > psychologist admitted, she revealed enormous
                  > > amounts
                  > > > > of personal, very private details about her life
                  > > > > with
                  > > > > her partner and so much more. That she worked out
                  > > of
                  > > > > her house made ethics blur for her somewhat more
                  > > > > because her life was just so evident and right
                  > > there
                  > > > > for patients to see. That can be confusing for a
                  > > > > patient at times, depending on how personal it
                  > > gets.
                  > > > > I
                  > > > > hope you all understand that. So, I'm sorry to
                  > > take
                  > > > > so
                  > > > > long explaining. It's hard to breeze this off in a
                  > > > > few
                  > > > > sentences. One year after therapy ended, I decided
                  > > I
                  > > > > had been damaged and wounded and taken advantage
                  > > of
                  > > > > enough that I was going to file an official
                  > > > > complaint
                  > > > > with the local regulatory body - the College of
                  > > > > Psychologists. I filed a very fairly written
                  > > > > complaint, detailing what happened in a very
                  > > precise
                  > > > > way, with as many details as possible, so as to
                  > > give
                  > > > > the context of how the unethical actions/behavior
                  > > > > took
                  > > > > place and how this affected me and also, why it
                  > > was
                  > > > > hard to see it for what it was. The psychologist
                  > > did
                  > > > > it all in a very subtle way. It was a hard
                  > > decision
                  > > > > for me to file the complaint. I hadn't ever before
                  > > > > and
                  > > > > take such matters very seriously. It's taken two
                  > > > > years
                  > > > > for the Inquiry Committee to "investigate the
                  > > > > complaints". I provided the name of a psychologist
                  > > > > who
                  > > > > was witness to my ex-psychologist "breaching my
                  > > > > confidentiality". Of course I fully expected in an
                  > > > > investigation that in having the name and phone
                  > > > > number
                  > > > > and address of the witness to the breaches, that
                  > > the
                  > > > > Inquiry Committee would obviously get in touch
                  > > with
                  > > > > her, as doing so would substantiate my
                  > > allegations.
                  > > > > I
                  > > > > got notice last Thursday that the College of
                  > > > > Psychologists found there was "no basis to proceed
                  > > > > on"
                  > > > > and that the psychologist provided satisfactory
                  > > > > answers to the College to assure them she is
                  > > > > conducting a safe practice. I do not know in all
                  > > > > reasonableness how on earth, given what I alleged
                  > > > > and
                  > > > > given the detailed information I provided,
                  > > including
                  > > > > a
                  > > > > witness, that they could clear her of the
                  > > > > allegations.
                  > > > > It turns out the College never even wrote or
                  > > called
                  > > > > to
                  > > > > the witness I gave them. The myriad of feelings I
                  > > am
                  > > > > having are of extreme anger, disappointment,
                  > > feeling
                  > > > > let down, feeling quite violated (as I put my
                  > > trust
                  > > > > in
                  > > > > the College to protect me, as a former patient)
                  > > and
                  > > > > being appalled that they didn't even bother to
                  > > > > contact
                  > > > > an actual witness. So often in complaints people
                  > > > > don't
                  > > > > even have witnesses and here I gave them a very
                  > > > > credible person and they didn't even bother
                  > > getting
                  > > > > in
                  > > > > touch. In short, there is no way they did a
                  > > > > "thorough
                  > > > > investigation". I have an opportunity to "appeal"
                  > > > > within 14 days but I am very sceptical and my
                  > > > > thoughts
                  > > > > are anything but wholesome about the entire
                  > > College.
                  > > > > To boot, I called the Registrar to voice my
                  > > distress
                  > > > > and hurt and what this means to me and she blew
                  > > the
                  > > > > call off and didn't even call back. The dilemma
                  > > for
                  > > > > me
                  > > > > is that I believe in compassion and metta. I want
                  > > to
                  > > > > show loving-kindness and forgiveness but I feel
                  > > > > enormously wronged in this. How do I take a
                  > > > > healthier
                  > > > >
                  > > > === message truncated ===
                  > > >
                  > > >
                  > >
                  >
                  ______________________________________________________________________
                  > >
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                  > >
                  > >
                  > > Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ADVERTISEMENT
                  > >
                  > > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
                  > > Buddhaviharas-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
                  > >
                  > >
                  > >
                  > > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
                  > > Terms of Service.
                  > >
                  > >
                  >
                  ______________________________________________________________________
                  >
                  > > Post your free ad now! http://personals.yahoo.ca
                • marissa weiler
                  Dear Philip, This image has really stayed with me since I read it last night - the excrement thrown in is excellent because it crystallizes how awful and ugly
                  Message 8 of 15 , Dec 11, 2003
                  • 0 Attachment
                    Dear Philip,
                    This image has really stayed with me since I read it
                    last night - the excrement thrown in is excellent
                    because it crystallizes how awful and ugly "hatred and
                    anger can be". Wow, we sure learn from each other.
                    Thanks Philip, hugs, peace and care, Marissa. ---
                    Sharon <shar_63@...> wrote:
                    ---------------------------------
                    Philip,

                    Red hot excrement! Oh no! :o) I really like this
                    image . . .it's
                    so darn true . . . ouch and yuck is right!

                    In lovingkindness,

                    Sharon

                    --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, "philofillet"
                    <bunnyboo@j...>
                    wrote:
                    >
                    > We're with you, Marissa. Please keep practicing
                    letting go of
                    your
                    > anger towards that person. The Buddha said that
                    holding on to anger
                    > is like holding on to excrement, or red hot iron.
                    How about red hot
                    > excrement! Ouch yuck ouch yuck!
                    > Lots of metta to you. Don't wait to post to us
                    about your
                    feelings
                    > until one of us asks. We're here for you any time.
                    (You can also
                    > write to me directly at plnao@j... if you'd like.)
                    >
                    > With metta,
                    >
                    > Philip
                    >
                    > --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa weiler

                    > <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
                    > > Dear Sharon,
                    > > It is so kind of you to write. I am "practicing"
                    > > taking one day at a time and I am trying not to
                    let
                    > > fear and anxiety and concern and major depression
                    not
                    > > propel me forward to the point where I get
                    massively
                    > > and severely overwhelmed. I am going through a
                    very
                    > > painful situation with a previous psychologist (I
                    know
                    > > - I have no luck with psychologists) and it's
                    > > stressful and worrying. I should say I am in the
                    care
                    > > of a psychologist now who is excellent and knows
                    about
                    > > ethics and boundaries. A previous psychologist has
                    > > taken an action that is really, really harsh. I
                    > > panicked in the last session we had, called her on
                    the
                    > > phone a few times afterwards asking "what to do"
                    in a
                    > > really upset, worried and depressed state because
                    no
                    > > care had been set up by her to replace hers and
                    that
                    > > irritated her enormously. I made a mistake doing
                    that
                    > > but was I in good shape? No, not at all. Still, I
                    own
                    > > it annoyed her and she felt harrassed by it - 5
                    calls
                    > > over two weeks just saying "I really am not making
                    it,
                    > > what should I do, can you suggest who to go to"?
                    In
                    > > short I take full responsibility. She ended
                    therapy
                    > > badly, said "no calls" and that was that. I should
                    > > have listened and not called, I did and she is
                    angry
                    > > and made a complaint. So, I have learned a lesson.
                    Did
                    > > she have to actually make a complaint? Well, my
                    > > psychologist thinks it's appalling and my doctor
                    who
                    > > prescribes the antidepressants thinks it's
                    horrible
                    > > but she did, I respect that and have to deal with
                    it.
                    > > No means no, no matter what the issue is and I
                    believe
                    > > that and screwed up. So, in short, I am in trouble
                    as
                    > > a result. I am just glad to be with someone
                    > > responsible, ethical, of excellent quality as a
                    > > psychologist and someone who can handle the
                    rigours of
                    > > a "depressed patient with suidical ideation at
                    times"
                    > > and severe anxiety. I must sound like a total
                    loser -
                    > > what with all the debacles with the two past
                    shrinks I
                    > > have seen. Trust me please, I am a gentle, caring
                    > > person, normally enormously grounded, but the past
                    > > year has been very tough, full of loss and I loss
                    > > ground. Now, I have to face an angry psychologist
                    > > angry I didn't listen to her and she actually has
                    > > taken action against me for it. Well, I know I
                    just
                    > > have to own I shouldn't have called at all after
                    > > therapy ended. Depression, anxiety and whatever
                    > > doesn't allow us to do something someone doesn't
                    want.
                    > > So, a "harrassment" complaint is now something I
                    have
                    > > to deal with and please know how ashamed and
                    > > embarrassed I am to admit that here. I just think
                    > > sometimes it's good to "say what's truthfully
                    > > happening", own it, and go on and do better from
                    here
                    > > on forward. I hope no one judges me for it. It
                    takes a
                    > > lot of courage to say this has happened. It was a
                    > > shock - therapy has been over since Sept. 5th and
                    I
                    > > just found out about her complaint two weeks ago.
                    > > Whoa, I was caught off guard. Okay, now I am
                    freaked
                    > > someone will judge. I hope not. Thanks everyone -
                    > > honestly, I am not a bad person but yup, I own my
                    > > mistake. Unfortunately her action has
                    repercussions
                    > > too - and is sure scary and exacerbates the
                    > > depression/fear/anxiety - A LOT. Somehow she
                    > > personalized everything too much - I guess major
                    > > countertransference happened. I know now that just
                    > > because someone says they are a
                    loving-compassionate
                    > > Buddhist psychologist, it doesn't mean they have
                    > > "their" issue together and it doesn't mean they
                    are
                    > > actually loving and compassionate. Actually she
                    was
                    > > very angry, a lot, in therapy and I think she is
                    just
                    > > an angry person. Having said that, I wish her well
                    -
                    > > clearly she doesn't feel the same about me. So,
                    please
                    > > don't judge, okay?! I am in major stress mode and
                    damn
                    > > scared and monumentally depressed but with support
                    > > such as yours and your kind note, it really helps.
                    > > Much metta and peace, Marissa. --- Sharon
                    > > <shar_63@h...> wrote:
                    > > ---------------------------------
                    > > Marissa,
                    > >
                    > > How are things going these days?
                    > >
                    > > Sending Metta your way,
                    > >
                    > > Sharon
                    > >
                    > > --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, marissa
                    weiler
                    > > <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
                    > > > Dear Dennis,
                    > > > Thank you for the kind comments and support. If
                    > > you'd
                    > > > ever care to share "your mental health
                    experience"
                    > > > feel free to (on line or off - feel free to
                    write
                    > > > privately) - I have heard many and I am
                    sympathetic.
                    > > > It's a tough job (as a therapist) but some
                    tragic
                    > > > things happen in the name of abuse of power. I
                    have
                    > > > seen it in my job a few times too often and here
                    I
                    > > > have felt it myself. Thanks Dennis - thanks
                    > > everyone.
                    > > > Metta, Marissa. --- DENNIS PHOENIX
                    > > > <dennis_phoenix_98@y...> wrote: > Hey Marissa,
                    > > > >
                    > > > > Wow, that was so well written and you are so
                    in
                    > > > > touch! Do you really even need them? You are
                    > > > > brilliant!
                    > > > > Maybe I am wrong in replying to your email
                    because
                    > > > > my response is more from a gut perspective
                    than
                    > > the
                    > > > > buddhist perspective but here goes.
                    > > > >
                    > > > > It seems that you are quite capable and
                    evidently
                    > > > > the reason for you seeing a therapist was for
                    > > > > positive growth reasons and not unbalanced
                    > > > > emotionally disturbed ones. I believe this
                    > > therapist
                    > > > > must of acted improper. Because of these two
                    > > > > "facts"(1. your high calber 2. violations from
                    a
                    > > > > trusted authority) the mental health system
                    had to
                    > > > > activate a sub system, the good ol' boy
                    network to
                    > > > > prevent a scandal/law suit. It could possibly
                    be
                    > > why
                    > > > > it "appears" you are being ignored , they are
                    > > > > legally stacking the deck because you are a
                    > > threat.
                    > > > > Remember too that these guys are behavior
                    experts
                    > > > > and they could be responding in ways that will
                    > > > > dishearten you in pursuing this.
                    > > > >
                    > > > > You know though even though you have been
                    violated
                    > > (
                    > > > > been wronged ) not pursuing it is the best
                    course.
                    > > > > It ironic but it is. You need to just get away
                    > > from
                    > > > > these people and move on, that is the healthy
                    > > thing.
                    > > > > It seems as though you are on a threshold here
                    and
                    > > > > the longer it takes you to let go the harder
                    it
                    > > will
                    > > > > be. You could even fall into the personal
                    ordeal
                    > > > > pit and where someday you may come out at will
                    be
                    > > > > far away from where you went in at, BEWARE.
                    Have
                    > > you
                    > > > > ever heard that expression, " First thought,
                    best
                    > > > > thought," or " Don't let things escalate?"
                    This is
                    > > > > wisdom.
                    > > > >
                    > > > > I speak from experience, I have my own story
                    that
                    > > > > involves the system and believe me when I say
                    I am
                    > > > > one the mortally wounded standing on the
                    dangerous
                    > > > > side of the threshold trying to plead with you
                    to
                    > > > > not enter here. Don't destroy yourself p.ut
                    them
                    > > > > out of your life so you won't be subject to
                    all
                    > > the
                    > > > > torment ahead. I know if I go on and try to
                    > > > > articulate this it will just become the
                    ramblings
                    > > of
                    > > > > a madman, so just go the other way. You have
                    so
                    > > much
                    > > > > potential don't waste it.
                    > > > >
                    > > > > Quotes:
                    > > > >
                    > > > > "Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is
                    > > nothing
                    > > > > you can do about the
                    > > > > wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge.
                    Why
                    > > > > hold on to the very thing
                    > > > > which keeps you from hope and love? "
                    > > > > BUSCAGLIA, LEO
                    > > > >
                    > > > > "When you look at the world through the fog of
                    > > your
                    > > > > own worries, your
                    > > > > anger, your frustration and impatience, many
                    > > > > valuable things will just
                    > > > > pass you by, completely unnoticed. Imagine
                    driving
                    > > > > through town while
                    > > > > someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you
                    > > gong
                    > > > > to notice the new
                    > > > > flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your
                    > > focus
                    > > > > will be on that gun.
                    > > > > Are you holding a gun to your own head, by
                    > > > > constantly focusing on
                    > > > > what's wrong with your life? Are you so
                    obsessed
                    > > > > with your own problems that
                    > > > > you don't see the opportunities all around
                    you?
                    > > Your
                    > > > > attention can be
                    > > > > effectively focused on only one thing at a
                    time.
                    > > > > Sure you have problems
                    > > > > and challenges. Yet what is the point, what
                    is
                    > > the
                    > > > > value of agonizing
                    > > > > over them? Pay attention to what's good about
                    your
                    > > > > life. Rather than
                    > > > > worrying about what you don't have, seek to
                    make
                    > > the
                    > > > > best of all the good
                    > > > > things you do have. There are a lot of things
                    > > right
                    > > > > with your life.
                    > > > > Give your attention to them and they will
                    grow. "
                    > > > > --RALPH S. MARSTON, JR.
                    > > > >
                    > > > > I do hope my tone wasn't misconstrued and I
                    > > > > extremely hope this will be of benefit.
                    > > > >
                    > > > > Dennis
                    > > > >
                    > > > >
                    > > > > marissa weiler <marissa_weiler@y...> wrote:
                    > > > > Dear Friends,
                    > > > > I hope it's okay if I share a troubling
                    situation
                    > > > > that
                    > > > > I am learning from, but the learning is
                    acutely
                    > > > > painful, disappointing and wounding. Here
                    goes. I
                    > > > > had
                    > > > > two lousy psychotherapies in a row. The last
                    > > therapy
                    > > > > resulted in very aggressive behavior from the
                    > > > > psychologist and unfair demands and therapy
                    ended
                    > > in
                    > > > > September. But in January of 2001 a two and a
                    half
                    > > > > year depth psychotherapy, which has turned
                    > > extremely
                    > > > > unhealthy and damaging to me, was booted. I
                    > > finished
                    > > > > it up and walked away really quite traumatized
                    > > from
                    > > > > some very unethical actions and behavior on
                    the
                    > > part
                    > > > > of the Ph.D. clinical psychologist I saw. I
                    had
                    > > > > developed a huge trust in her, had faith but
                    > > > > disconcerting things started to happen and a
                    > > > > casualness too over and it became an
                    atmosphere
                    > > > > tained
                    > > > > with unprofessional behavior. I learned a lot
                    - I
                    > > > > learned I can wholly give my trust way too
                    fast
                    > > and
                    > > > > believe people in such positions are "all good
                    > > > > beings
                    > > > > and so wholesome". I want that badly I guess
                    but
                    > > > > it's
                    > > > > naive. There was inappropriate touch on a
                    number
                    > > of
                    > > > > occasions, 2 breaches of confidentiality, to
                    which
                    > > > > my
                    > > > > psychologist admitted, she revealed enormous
                    > > amounts
                    > > > > of personal, very private details about her
                    life
                    > > > > with
                    > > > > her partner and so much more. That she worked
                    out
                    > > of
                    > > > > her house made ethics blur for her somewhat
                    more
                    > > > > because her life was just so evident and right
                    > > there
                    > > > > for patients to see. That can be confusing for
                    a
                    > > > > patient at times, depending on how personal it
                    > > gets.
                    > > > > I
                    > > > > hope you all understand that. So, I'm sorry to
                    > > take
                    > > > > so
                    > > > > long explaining. It's hard to breeze this off
                    in a
                    > > > > few
                    > > > > sentences. One year after therapy ended, I
                    decided
                    > > I
                    > > > > had been damaged and wounded and taken
                    advantage
                    > > of
                    > > > > enough that I was going to file an official
                    > > > > complaint
                    > > > > with the local regulatory body - the College
                    of
                    > > > > Psychologists. I filed a very fairly written
                    > > > > complaint, detailing what happened in a very
                    > > precise
                    > > > > way, with as many details as possible, so as
                    to
                    > > give
                    > > > > the context of how the unethical
                    actions/behavior
                    > > > > took
                    > > > > place and how this affected me and also, why
                    it
                    > > was
                    > > > > hard to see it for what it was. The
                    psychologist
                    > > did
                    > > > > it all in a very subtle way. It was a hard
                    > > decision
                    > > > > for me to file the complaint. I hadn't ever
                    before
                    > > > > and
                    > > > > take such matters very seriously. It's taken
                    two
                    > > > > years
                    > > > > for the Inquiry Committee to "investigate the
                    > > > > complaints". I provided the name of a
                    psychologist
                    > > > > who
                    > > > > was witness to my ex-psychologist "breaching
                    my
                    > > > > confidentiality". Of course I fully expected
                    in an
                    > > > > investigation that in having the name and
                    phone
                    > > > > number
                    > > > > and address of the witness to the breaches,
                    that
                    > > the
                    > > > > Inquiry Committee would obviously get in touch
                    > > with
                    > > > > her, as doing so would substantiate my
                    > > allegations.
                    > > > > I
                    > > > > got notice last Thursday that the College of
                    > > > > Psychologists found there was "no basis to
                    proceed
                    > > > > on"
                    > > > > and that the psychologist provided
                    satisfactory
                    > > > > answers to the College to assure them she is
                    > > > > conducting a safe practice. I do not know in
                    all
                    > > > > reasonableness how on earth, given what I
                    alleged
                    > > > > and
                    > > > > given the detailed information I provided,
                    > > including
                    > > > > a
                    > > > > witness, that they could clear her of the
                    > > > > allegations.
                    > > > > It turns out the College never even wrote or
                    > > called
                    > > > > to
                    > > > > the witness I gave them. The myriad of
                    feelings I
                    > > am
                    > > > > having are of extreme anger, disappointment,
                    > > feeling
                    > > > > let down, feeling quite violated (as I put my
                    > > trust
                    > > > > in
                    > > > > the College to protect me, as a former
                    patient)
                    > > and
                    > > > > being appalled that they didn't even bother to
                    > > > > contact
                    > > > > an actual witness. So often in complaints
                    people
                    > > > > don't
                    > > > > even have witnesses and here I gave them a
                    very
                    > > > > credible person and they didn't even bother
                    > > getting
                    > > > > in
                    > > > > touch. In short, there is no way they did a
                    > > > > "thorough
                    > > > > investigation". I have an opportunity to
                    "appeal"
                    > > > > within 14 days but I am very sceptical and my
                    > > > > thoughts
                    > > > > are anything but wholesome about the entire
                    > > College.
                    > > > > To boot, I called the Registrar to voice my
                    > > distress
                    > > > > and hurt and what this means to me and she
                    blew
                    > > the
                    > > > > call off and didn't even call back. The
                    dilemma
                    > > for
                    > > > > me
                    > > > > is that I believe in compassion and metta. I
                    want
                    > > to
                    > > > > show loving-kindness and forgiveness but I
                    feel
                    > > > > enormously wronged in this. How do I take a
                    > > > > healthier
                    > > > >
                    > > > === message truncated ===
                    > > >
                    > > >
                    > >
                    >
                    ______________________________________________________________________
                    > >
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                    > >
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                    >
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                    >
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                  • marissa weiler
                    Dear Sharon - you mean I m not the only one who does this?! Thank you for sharing - for we have a shared experience and it s precious to share - we learn so
                    Message 9 of 15 , Dec 11, 2003
                    • 0 Attachment
                      Dear Sharon - you mean I'm not the only one who does
                      this?! Thank you for sharing - for we have a shared
                      experience and it's precious to share - we learn so
                      much from each other and it warms my heart enormously
                      when someone cares enough to "share". It's a gift.
                      I get a daily note each day on my e-mail and I thought
                      I'd share it with you all.

                      HAVING KILLED ANGER
                      YOU SLEEP IN EASE.
                      HAVING KILLED ANGER
                      YOU DO NOT GRIEVE.
                      THE NOBLE ONES
                      PRAISE THE SLAYING
                      OF ANGER
                      - WITH ITS HONEYED CREST AND POISONED ROOT -
                      FOR HAVING KILLED
                      IT YOU DO NOT GRIEVE.

                      - SUMYUTTA NIKAYA, II, 70.

                      Have a precious day everyone, Marissa.--- Sharon
                      <shar_63@...> wrote:
                      ---------------------------------
                      --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, c b
                      <dharma_depth@y...> wrote:

                      >When we don't love ourselves we
                      > walk into negative, counterproductive, crappy
                      > relationships and let people treat us shabbily
                      because
                      > we don't think we deserve more. We take on all the
                      > blame, feel horrible and in the end, walk away worse
                      > than when we went to see someone like this.

                      Been there, done that! :o( I am in 100% agreement
                      with this
                      statement, and I think it is really crucial for those
                      of us in this
                      position to work first and foremost on befriending and
                      loving
                      ourselves. (The Buddha was very wise . . . starting
                      Metta
                      meditations with generating love and friendliness to
                      ourselves.)

                      When we've befriended ourselves I think it is easier,
                      too, to be
                      friendly towards everyone *around us* in a more
                      balanced way, too.

                      In lovingkindness,

                      Sharon


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