Re: [Buddhaviharas] Hindrances to Metta - self-aversion/blame
- Dear Sharon,
Thank you for this gem. I really connected with what
is said here. I am a master of "self-blaming" and it's
something I would like to tame. I blame myself even
when something isn't my fault - somehow I take things
on even then. This isn't remotely self-caring. Thank
you for this awakening of sorts! Metta, Marissa. ---
Sharon <shar_63@...> wrote:
Hindrances to Metta - self-aversion/blame
"How [do we get away from the extreme of] blaming
[Sometimes when] we start checking [up on
situations we say], "Well, what responsibility did I
we're just going to get into blaming ourselves.
"You know, this whole thing about blaming ourselves or
others . . . there is a big difference between blame
responsibility. Okay? Because we tend to think,
'Well, if I don't
blame others, I'll blame myself.' That's the only
That's wrong, because whether we blame others or we
we're not having a realistic look at the situation.
blame is attributing all the fault to one party.
"If we know anything about dependent arising, not all
belongs to one party, does it? Any relationship - any
situation - we
co-create. So we can't blame the other person and say
percent responsible, and we can't blame ourselves and
say we're 100
percent responsible. Because, you know, when we get
so down on
ourselves and blame ourselves for anything it's just
an inverted form
of arrogance. Think about it. You know, 'I'm so
important that I
can make everything go wrong.' That's what it is!
important. The marriage fell apart because of me.
important that I, by myself, alone, can make the
apart. I, by myself, alone, can screw up my kid.'
"It's unrealistic. Things are co-created. We have to
whole notion of blame out the window and forget about
blaming . . . "
~ Thubten Chodron, lecture, "Is Mind the Source of
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