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Re: [Buddhaviharas] Hindrances to Metta - self-aversion/blame

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  • marissa weiler
    Dear Sharon, Thank you for this gem. I really connected with what is said here. I am a master of self-blaming and it s something I would like to tame. I
    Message 1 of 2 , Sep 30, 2003
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      Dear Sharon,
      Thank you for this gem. I really connected with what
      is said here. I am a master of "self-blaming" and it's
      something I would like to tame. I blame myself even
      when something isn't my fault - somehow I take things
      on even then. This isn't remotely self-caring. Thank
      you for this awakening of sorts! Metta, Marissa. ---
      Sharon <shar_63@...> wrote:
      ---------------------------------
      Hindrances to Metta - self-aversion/blame

      "How [do we get away from the extreme of] blaming
      ourselves?
      [Sometimes when] we start checking [up on
      responsibility for
      situations we say], "Well, what responsibility did I
      have?" then
      we're just going to get into blaming ourselves.

      "You know, this whole thing about blaming ourselves or
      blaming
      others . . . there is a big difference between blame
      and
      responsibility. Okay? Because we tend to think,
      'Well, if I don't
      blame others, I'll blame myself.' That's the only
      other choice.
      That's wrong, because whether we blame others or we
      blame ourselves,
      we're not having a realistic look at the situation.
      Okay? Because
      blame is attributing all the fault to one party.

      "If we know anything about dependent arising, not all
      the fault
      belongs to one party, does it? Any relationship - any
      situation - we
      co-create. So we can't blame the other person and say
      they're 100
      percent responsible, and we can't blame ourselves and
      say we're 100
      percent responsible. Because, you know, when we get
      so down on
      ourselves and blame ourselves for anything it's just
      an inverted form
      of arrogance. Think about it. You know, 'I'm so
      important that I
      can make everything go wrong.' That's what it is!
      'I'm so
      important. The marriage fell apart because of me.
      I'm that
      important that I, by myself, alone, can make the
      marriage fall
      apart. I, by myself, alone, can screw up my kid.'

      "It's unrealistic. Things are co-created. We have to
      throw the
      whole notion of blame out the window and forget about
      blaming . . . "

      ~ Thubten Chodron, lecture, "Is Mind the Source of
      Happiness and
      Suffering www.Dharmafriendship.org



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