Re: The Love Belongs To The One Who Loves!
- So very true. When we carry deep friendliness in our hearts, towards ourselves and others, it is much easier to create the karmic cause for happiness and cooperation in those around us.
--- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, "antony272b2" <antony272b@...> wrote:
> Adding to this Feb/Mar 2009 thread:
> Some Ayya Khema quotes:
> "We all have the loving quality within us. There's no doubt about it. Nobody is exempt. But we've done all sorts of things to it. I've mentioned a few already. We were disappointed that the one we picked out didn't love us back, so we decided we're not going love anybody. Or, somebody that we thought was trustworthy betrayed that trust, so we decide we're not going to love. That decision is made in the mind; it's not made in the heart -- all decisions are made in the mind. But when that decision is made in the mind, we are able to close up our heart, and when we do that, we're only half alive. Why do that to ourselves? We're making ourselves dependent again on the good will and the lovingness of other people. There's only one thing to depend on: upon our own goodness and our own lovingness. We've got enough work to do to get that going, never mind what others do. We're constantly -- through our reactions -- buying into the actions and thoughts and deeds of other people. What for? There's no need for that; we've got enough to do with ourselves."
> "...what we're mostly looking for is somebody who loves us, and that's the most absurd thing in the world to do, because that love belongs to the other person."
> "If we stop looking for somebody to love us, we can immediately turn that around and just start looking for people to love. And since there are so many people everywhere, there's no shortage at all; they're constantly available. Every one of us has constant daily contact with other people. This is our constant daily learning situation."
> "The more we have this loving feeling for ourselves of contentment and satisfaction about all our endeavors in our own heart, the easier it is to love others. The love has to come from our heart. So if there is no love for ourselves, no understanding for our own difficulties, how can we love another? We always think we do, but it is the kind of love that demands something. It wants something back. Maybe it doesn't even want love back, but it wants something back. It wants the right kind of attitude from the other person, the right kind of behavior, the right kind of being together -- there's some demand being made. As long as we're demanding something -- be it ever so subtle -- so long our love cannot be pure."
> From: Metta: a talk by Ven. Ayya Khema
> Santa Fe, New Mexico April, 1992
> Transcribed by Brian Kelley
> Edited by Leigh Brasington
> Antony: I believe it is true that when we want happiness and practical assistance from others the only thing we can ultimately depend on is to create karmic causes by focusing on our loving ourselves and others. Equanimity also helps one transform unrequited love, which is projecting our own lovingness onto the other person, into unstoppable metta. I found this quote:
> "Love can go anywhere.
> Nothing can obstruct it.
> "I am That", a book of dialogues with Nisargadatta Maharaj,
> includes an exchange between Nisargadatta
> and a man who complained a great deal about his mother.
> The man felt that she had not been a very good mother
> and was not a good person.
> At one point, Nisargadatta advised him to love his mother.
> The man replied "She wouldn't let me."
> Nisargadatta responded, "She couldn't stop you."
> No external condition can prevent love;
> no one and no thing can stop it."
> (from p23 "Lovingkindness" by Sharon Salzberg, Shambhala 1995)
> With metta / Antony.