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Re: Attachment vs. Lovingkindness (part 1 of 2)

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  • Philip
    Hi Sharon, and all. I was thinking about this topic yesterday. Attachment and love. When you look at things closely in the light of the Buddha s teaching and
    Message 1 of 3 , Jun 8, 2004
    • 0 Attachment
      Hi Sharon, and all.

      I was thinking about this topic yesterday. Attachment and love.
      When you look at things closely in the light of the Buddha's teaching
      and learn about things like the khandas (five aggregates) you start
      to come to see that in the absolute sense, there are no people. There
      are people, of course, and we love them and care for them, but in the
      absolute sense we are just just a shifting aggregate of physical and
      mental factors. When we die, there is rebirth, but there isn't the
      hope of reunion with our loved ones like in other religions. That can
      be very sad. So we love our life partners, our children, other loved
      ones, knowing that there will come a day of parting forever. Maybe
      knowing that can purify our love, we can let go of the attachment and
      learn to appreciate every moment we have together more.

      Now because of my study of Abhidhamma, there are moments when I
      look at my wife and see nama (mental factors) and rupa (physical
      factors). I know that these factors rise and fall constantly, and
      the person I think is my wife is different from one moment to the
      next. In the absolute sense, "she" doesn't exist. That is right
      understanding of the Buddha's teaching. Then it passes, and there she
      is, and she exists and I love her. That is also right understanding
      of the Buddha's teaching. We have to play with a healthy balance of
      absolute and conventional understanding in order to begin to loosen
      attachment.

      Looking forward to part 2! This topic is always on my mind these
      days.

      Metta,
      Phil




      --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, "Sharon" <sharonwerner@c...>
      wrote:
      > "What we have got to understand here is that giving up attachment
      > does not mean we push other people away. It does not mean we
      isolate
      > ourselves from other people. It means that we give up the
      fantasizing
      > mind that is making stories where there is nothing. That gives us
      the
      > space to really see people for what they are, really become fond of
      > them and have love and compassion for them without this sticky,
      > clingy, wanting mind. It takes some time to do this. It takes years
      > to really differentiate between love and attachment.
      >
      > "In many of our relationships, we might have a lot of love and
      > attachment mixed up together. It might be a ratio of 90:10; it
      might
      > be 60:40; or it might go to different balances at different times.
      It
      > is not a thing of just being able to look at attachment, draw a
      > little line around it, isolate it and think we have everything in
      our
      > relationships figured out. We have to really give ourselves a lot
      of
      > time and energy to understand how attachment works and all of its
      > different aspects."
      >
      > (to be continued)
      >
      > ~ Ven. Thubten Chodron, "The Unsatisfactory Experiences of the Demi-
      > gods and Gods; The Root Afflictions Epart 1 of 5 (lightly edited
      > transcript)Dharma Friendship Foundation, Seattle. 21 Sep 92
      >
      >
      > May this be of benefit
    • marissa weiler
      Hi Phil and everyone here! I spend a great deal of time thinking about whether love absolutely involves attachment and I often get into interesting
      Message 2 of 3 , Jun 9, 2004
      • 0 Attachment
        Hi Phil and everyone here!
        I spend a great deal of time thinking about whether
        love absolutely involves "attachment" and I often get
        into interesting discussions with people who are
        non-Buddhists, because they feel so positive about
        "attachment". It means a greater depth of love in the
        way they are speaking to this topic. Attachment has
        been hard for me in life. For a variety of traumatic
        reasons it is very, very easy to "attach" but what I
        try and watch is clinging. But when I think about it,
        to love someone, we are "attached to them to some
        degree". Do you agree? When we are especially close in
        many ways, there is an attachment at times where we
        become one. Those can be beautiful experiences. I
        haven't had that yet with a partner - I have sadly
        chosen people who are distant and don't want this -
        yet it feels like a beautiful thing to attain. I
        sometimes confuse attachment and clinging and worry
        about attaching and see it as a neurosis or something
        negative but then I think of two people deeply
        interconnected and see how momentarily at times they
        can become one. I hope I am making some degree of
        sense. Then I think and reflect on shifting aggregates
        of mental and physical factors and the whole issue
        changes for me. It takes a long time to take this all
        in. Peace everyone, Marissa. --- Philip
        <plnao@...> wrote:
        ---------------------------------

        Hi Sharon, and all.

        I was thinking about this topic yesterday.
        Attachment and love.
        When you look at things closely in the light of the
        Buddha's teaching
        and learn about things like the khandas (five
        aggregates) you start
        to come to see that in the absolute sense, there are
        no people. There
        are people, of course, and we love them and care for
        them, but in the
        absolute sense we are just just a shifting aggregate
        of physical and
        mental factors. When we die, there is rebirth, but
        there isn't the
        hope of reunion with our loved ones like in other
        religions. That can
        be very sad. So we love our life partners, our
        children, other loved
        ones, knowing that there will come a day of parting
        forever. Maybe
        knowing that can purify our love, we can let go of the
        attachment and
        learn to appreciate every moment we have together
        more.

        Now because of my study of Abhidhamma, there are
        moments when I
        look at my wife and see nama (mental factors) and rupa
        (physical
        factors). I know that these factors rise and fall
        constantly, and
        the person I think is my wife is different from one
        moment to the
        next. In the absolute sense, "she" doesn't exist. That
        is right
        understanding of the Buddha's teaching. Then it
        passes, and there she
        is, and she exists and I love her. That is also right
        understanding
        of the Buddha's teaching. We have to play with a
        healthy balance of
        absolute and conventional understanding in order to
        begin to loosen
        attachment.

        Looking forward to part 2! This topic is always on
        my mind these
        days.

        Metta,
        Phil




        --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, "Sharon"
        <sharonwerner@c...>
        wrote:
        > "What we have got to understand here is that giving
        up attachment
        > does not mean we push other people away. It does not
        mean we
        isolate
        > ourselves from other people. It means that we give
        up the
        fantasizing
        > mind that is making stories where there is nothing.
        That gives us
        the
        > space to really see people for what they are, really
        become fond of
        > them and have love and compassion for them without
        this sticky,
        > clingy, wanting mind. It takes some time to do this.
        It takes years
        > to really differentiate between love and attachment.
        >
        > "In many of our relationships, we might have a lot
        of love and
        > attachment mixed up together. It might be a ratio of
        90:10; it
        might
        > be 60:40; or it might go to different balances at
        different times.
        It
        > is not a thing of just being able to look at
        attachment, draw a
        > little line around it, isolate it and think we have
        everything in
        our
        > relationships figured out. We have to really give
        ourselves a lot
        of
        > time and energy to understand how attachment works
        and all of its
        > different aspects."
        >
        > (to be continued)
        >
        > ~ Ven. Thubten Chodron, "The Unsatisfactory
        Experiences of the Demi-
        > gods and Gods; The Root Afflictions �Epart 1 of 5
        (lightly edited
        > transcript)Dharma Friendship Foundation, Seattle. 21
        Sep 92
        >
        >
        > May this be of benefit


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