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Attachment vs. Lovingkindness (part 1 of 2)

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  • Sharon
    What we have got to understand here is that giving up attachment does not mean we push other people away. It does not mean we isolate ourselves from other
    Message 1 of 3 , Jun 8, 2004
    • 0 Attachment
      "What we have got to understand here is that giving up attachment
      does not mean we push other people away. It does not mean we isolate
      ourselves from other people. It means that we give up the fantasizing
      mind that is making stories where there is nothing. That gives us the
      space to really see people for what they are, really become fond of
      them and have love and compassion for them without this sticky,
      clingy, wanting mind. It takes some time to do this. It takes years
      to really differentiate between love and attachment.

      "In many of our relationships, we might have a lot of love and
      attachment mixed up together. It might be a ratio of 90:10; it might
      be 60:40; or it might go to different balances at different times. It
      is not a thing of just being able to look at attachment, draw a
      little line around it, isolate it and think we have everything in our
      relationships figured out. We have to really give ourselves a lot of
      time and energy to understand how attachment works and all of its
      different aspects."

      (to be continued)

      ~ Ven. Thubten Chodron, "The Unsatisfactory Experiences of the Demi-
      gods and Gods; The Root Afflictions – part 1 of 5 (lightly edited
      transcript)Dharma Friendship Foundation, Seattle. 21 Sep 92


      May this be of benefit
    • Philip
      Hi Sharon, and all. I was thinking about this topic yesterday. Attachment and love. When you look at things closely in the light of the Buddha s teaching and
      Message 2 of 3 , Jun 8, 2004
      • 0 Attachment
        Hi Sharon, and all.

        I was thinking about this topic yesterday. Attachment and love.
        When you look at things closely in the light of the Buddha's teaching
        and learn about things like the khandas (five aggregates) you start
        to come to see that in the absolute sense, there are no people. There
        are people, of course, and we love them and care for them, but in the
        absolute sense we are just just a shifting aggregate of physical and
        mental factors. When we die, there is rebirth, but there isn't the
        hope of reunion with our loved ones like in other religions. That can
        be very sad. So we love our life partners, our children, other loved
        ones, knowing that there will come a day of parting forever. Maybe
        knowing that can purify our love, we can let go of the attachment and
        learn to appreciate every moment we have together more.

        Now because of my study of Abhidhamma, there are moments when I
        look at my wife and see nama (mental factors) and rupa (physical
        factors). I know that these factors rise and fall constantly, and
        the person I think is my wife is different from one moment to the
        next. In the absolute sense, "she" doesn't exist. That is right
        understanding of the Buddha's teaching. Then it passes, and there she
        is, and she exists and I love her. That is also right understanding
        of the Buddha's teaching. We have to play with a healthy balance of
        absolute and conventional understanding in order to begin to loosen
        attachment.

        Looking forward to part 2! This topic is always on my mind these
        days.

        Metta,
        Phil




        --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, "Sharon" <sharonwerner@c...>
        wrote:
        > "What we have got to understand here is that giving up attachment
        > does not mean we push other people away. It does not mean we
        isolate
        > ourselves from other people. It means that we give up the
        fantasizing
        > mind that is making stories where there is nothing. That gives us
        the
        > space to really see people for what they are, really become fond of
        > them and have love and compassion for them without this sticky,
        > clingy, wanting mind. It takes some time to do this. It takes years
        > to really differentiate between love and attachment.
        >
        > "In many of our relationships, we might have a lot of love and
        > attachment mixed up together. It might be a ratio of 90:10; it
        might
        > be 60:40; or it might go to different balances at different times.
        It
        > is not a thing of just being able to look at attachment, draw a
        > little line around it, isolate it and think we have everything in
        our
        > relationships figured out. We have to really give ourselves a lot
        of
        > time and energy to understand how attachment works and all of its
        > different aspects."
        >
        > (to be continued)
        >
        > ~ Ven. Thubten Chodron, "The Unsatisfactory Experiences of the Demi-
        > gods and Gods; The Root Afflictions Epart 1 of 5 (lightly edited
        > transcript)Dharma Friendship Foundation, Seattle. 21 Sep 92
        >
        >
        > May this be of benefit
      • marissa weiler
        Hi Phil and everyone here! I spend a great deal of time thinking about whether love absolutely involves attachment and I often get into interesting
        Message 3 of 3 , Jun 9, 2004
        • 0 Attachment
          Hi Phil and everyone here!
          I spend a great deal of time thinking about whether
          love absolutely involves "attachment" and I often get
          into interesting discussions with people who are
          non-Buddhists, because they feel so positive about
          "attachment". It means a greater depth of love in the
          way they are speaking to this topic. Attachment has
          been hard for me in life. For a variety of traumatic
          reasons it is very, very easy to "attach" but what I
          try and watch is clinging. But when I think about it,
          to love someone, we are "attached to them to some
          degree". Do you agree? When we are especially close in
          many ways, there is an attachment at times where we
          become one. Those can be beautiful experiences. I
          haven't had that yet with a partner - I have sadly
          chosen people who are distant and don't want this -
          yet it feels like a beautiful thing to attain. I
          sometimes confuse attachment and clinging and worry
          about attaching and see it as a neurosis or something
          negative but then I think of two people deeply
          interconnected and see how momentarily at times they
          can become one. I hope I am making some degree of
          sense. Then I think and reflect on shifting aggregates
          of mental and physical factors and the whole issue
          changes for me. It takes a long time to take this all
          in. Peace everyone, Marissa. --- Philip
          <plnao@...> wrote:
          ---------------------------------

          Hi Sharon, and all.

          I was thinking about this topic yesterday.
          Attachment and love.
          When you look at things closely in the light of the
          Buddha's teaching
          and learn about things like the khandas (five
          aggregates) you start
          to come to see that in the absolute sense, there are
          no people. There
          are people, of course, and we love them and care for
          them, but in the
          absolute sense we are just just a shifting aggregate
          of physical and
          mental factors. When we die, there is rebirth, but
          there isn't the
          hope of reunion with our loved ones like in other
          religions. That can
          be very sad. So we love our life partners, our
          children, other loved
          ones, knowing that there will come a day of parting
          forever. Maybe
          knowing that can purify our love, we can let go of the
          attachment and
          learn to appreciate every moment we have together
          more.

          Now because of my study of Abhidhamma, there are
          moments when I
          look at my wife and see nama (mental factors) and rupa
          (physical
          factors). I know that these factors rise and fall
          constantly, and
          the person I think is my wife is different from one
          moment to the
          next. In the absolute sense, "she" doesn't exist. That
          is right
          understanding of the Buddha's teaching. Then it
          passes, and there she
          is, and she exists and I love her. That is also right
          understanding
          of the Buddha's teaching. We have to play with a
          healthy balance of
          absolute and conventional understanding in order to
          begin to loosen
          attachment.

          Looking forward to part 2! This topic is always on
          my mind these
          days.

          Metta,
          Phil




          --- In Buddhaviharas@yahoogroups.com, "Sharon"
          <sharonwerner@c...>
          wrote:
          > "What we have got to understand here is that giving
          up attachment
          > does not mean we push other people away. It does not
          mean we
          isolate
          > ourselves from other people. It means that we give
          up the
          fantasizing
          > mind that is making stories where there is nothing.
          That gives us
          the
          > space to really see people for what they are, really
          become fond of
          > them and have love and compassion for them without
          this sticky,
          > clingy, wanting mind. It takes some time to do this.
          It takes years
          > to really differentiate between love and attachment.
          >
          > "In many of our relationships, we might have a lot
          of love and
          > attachment mixed up together. It might be a ratio of
          90:10; it
          might
          > be 60:40; or it might go to different balances at
          different times.
          It
          > is not a thing of just being able to look at
          attachment, draw a
          > little line around it, isolate it and think we have
          everything in
          our
          > relationships figured out. We have to really give
          ourselves a lot
          of
          > time and energy to understand how attachment works
          and all of its
          > different aspects."
          >
          > (to be continued)
          >
          > ~ Ven. Thubten Chodron, "The Unsatisfactory
          Experiences of the Demi-
          > gods and Gods; The Root Afflictions �Epart 1 of 5
          (lightly edited
          > transcript)Dharma Friendship Foundation, Seattle. 21
          Sep 92
          >
          >
          > May this be of benefit


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