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Beta Help Please for this one small beginning.

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  • spikdpunch@aol.com
    Sorry for cross posting, and I hope that I m doing this correctly. I m trying to re-write this story that I did a long time ago. I seem to have problems with
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 23, 2002
      Sorry for cross posting, and I hope that I'm doing this correctly. I'm trying to re-write this story  that I did a long time ago. I seem to have problems with tenses, though I do not know why. If anyone could please look at this beginning and tell me if it viable, I would appreciate it. Any mistakes pointed out, or suggestions would also be of great help. Thanks in advance.

      Title: If wishes were Angels
      Author: Lisa O.
      Website:http://www.geocities.com/angelslovechild/index.html, when I get around to putting it up.
      Personal list for fiction:Fever_Dreams@yahoogroups.com
      Rating: N-17
      Archive? Want, take, have.
      Disclaimer: the characters are not mine. They belong to Joss, mutant Enemy, and their affiliates.
      Note: Written in response to a challenge on AngelSlash Yahoo group about 2 years ago? Time does fly. The challenge was to have Puppy and Angelus together in an intimate manner, because of a wish, This is rewrite because it was never finished. I got the prize, so I feel that I should actually finish the fic *G* So, here is it.

         "They took him from me!  Those filthy gypsies bastards!" The vampire sat in the Bronze, talking to a demon whom she only just met while trying to follow her Angel. "I hate them! I hate them all!" Darla took up another shot of whisky, throwing it back with the others and grimacing as it burned its way down. "I wish..I wish," she growled, demon coming to the fore as the vampire prayed with every particle of her being, "I wish that Angelus had never lost his soul."

         And her wish was answered with a turn of a head and a transformation of the woman on the other side of the table. Veins appeared over once smooth skin, and the word she had whispered was honeyed in its glee. Simple and to the point, the vengeance demon said with husky voice of triumph, and it was... "Done."

         A new world was created and things shifted to allow for it's place...and only one person was the wiser.
           "I want him back."  The young blond growled, and then angrily spat out her loss and regret, filled with too much longing and tempered with just a touch of too much beer, "I wish that Angel still had his soul. I need him the way that he..."

            Buffy didn't even finish up her wish before she faced something other than what she'd known of. Why was she here with this person she didn't even know? Why had she spilt out her soul, or given in to the urge to drink when she had known that it could never help to ease the pain? Why? It didn't matter because the words had been said, and then they were answered with passion in kind.


         The shadows shifted once more, dancing lights glittering between as new patterns were made and still, only one person was the wiser
         And then, Cordelia saw Xander kissing Willow, and her heart was filled with pain. Vengeance. A demon, disguised as a girl, came to her and they struck up something called a friendship. "I wish that Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale."  And everyone knows what happened next. The wish was completed, and another world was made...again. The Master rose, and the world of Sunnydale was changed forever. Another Sunnydale that is, with the wisher in it, but not. One was a copy, and one was real, and neither of them knew nor cared about the other. One lived with the truth the wish had brought, and the other went on as though such things had never been spoken. Only one was the wiser.

          Worlds drifted. Some came closer while others moved further apart. Sometimes, some worlds grew so apart from one another that there was no way they would ever meet again...and sometimes, other worlds overlapped and strange things took place between them. Minor things for the most part, but they happened still, and in those time, no one ever knew.

         Someone lost their keys and someone did not. Worlds crossed and mingled and subtle differences were exchanged. What was lost, now was found. What was found, was missing.

         "There they are. I thought I left them there." Keys were grabbed and people got moving as the owner said to his friends," Let's get going so we're not running late." No one was the wiser.

         But then, there was a man named Rupert Giles and he found out something new. He found out about one of the wishes, and he found out that there was another place that was better. And, more importantly than the rest, he found an amulet of power, *and* he also found a spell that would make the necklace work for him. The watcher that never was, read from the book and the demon came because she had to.

         How dare that man call him like that? A man, calling a demon who only righted the wrongs of woman and never of scum such as belonged to the male race. 

        They had a scuffle and he had gotten the amulet away from the demon that has been called. The watcher scrambled to his desk, and laid the stolen artifact down, as he frantically searched for something to smash his hard earned prize. There. Giles picked something up; a marble paper weight which then was brought to bear.

        "You trusting fool! How do you know the other world is any better than this?" Anyanka screeched at him, and the watcher answered back as his hand went down with a leap of faith and the full hope that things would be put the way that they should have been in the first place.

      "Because it has to be."


      The amulet shattered under the anger of the watchers weapon, and the worlds created by that demon, along with the necklace, disappeared into a blinding light of green. And no one would have been the wiser, except for one last thing. Anyanka wasn't the only one who could grant wishes and in a place between *If only, * and *please oh let it be* one last word was spoken...and that word was...



      ((From here, it would go to the main story and hopefully on to fulfill the original challenge. advice? Anyone? Please??*G* ))

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