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Opinion as much as beta needed Thanks!

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  • Lucinda Collins
    Thanks loads Franne. I owe you for this big time. I m just so unsure about this whole bit piece. Well here it goes... Soft green, blue eyes turned up to
    Message 1 of 2 , Oct 11, 2002
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      Thanks loads Franne. I owe you for this big time. I'm just so unsure about this whole bit piece. Well here it goes...
       

      Soft green, blue eyes turned up to Verithe, a beautiful pale silk, golden face nuzzled in her lap. The tiny queen knowing with perfect equanimity who she needed, considering no-one else as she had waltzed delicately across the hot sands. Taking the time to shake out her blonde sails and preen for the crowd. After all, they were here to see her; weren�t they? Surely she should give a good show, shouldn�t she?

      But she never glanced at another candidate. There was only ever one worth looking at. 

      Verithe didn�t so much as blink when she knelt to the small creature; eyes whirling so sea green. That was how it should be. Would she have bothered share a glance with a girl possessing any less that the nerves of steel to match her own? This girl was worth dropping her head to. She would have been wasted on a silly little green clutch mate. Probably they would have been frightened by the black mist this girl moved in. Here was a mind expansive enough to be lost in. And under the dark haze was a clarity worth craving, seeking. She was worth embracing.

       

      {Viewexith. And you�re my Verithe; girl with black velvet behind her eyes.}


      Not my usual impression story at all. It was supposed to be written from the dragons point of view. And what I really need to know, is can you tell that? Or does it just seem the girl is sschizoprenic?

      Thanks again, Lucia.

      Two rights don't make a wrong, but three will get you back on the freeway.
      >From: "Franne Golan"
      >Reply-To: Beta_Unlimited@yahoogroups.com
      >To:
      >Subject: Re: [Beta_Unlimited] Opinion as much as beta needed
      >Date: Thu, 10 Oct 2002 20:44:21 +0200
      >
      >I muchly love Anne McCaffrey. Feel free to send it for a once over. I read,
      >correct and critique better than I type.
      >Franne, of the purple
      > ----- Original Message -----
      > From: Lucinda Collins
      > To: Beta_Unlimited@yahoogroups.com
      > Sent: Thursday, October 10, 2002 6:35 PM
      > Subject: [Beta_Unlimited] Opinion as much as beta needed
      >
      >
      > This is only the shortest fic, believe me at 203 words. It doesn't
      > need beta so much as just telling whether its garbled or not. Weird
      > as this sounds. I can't paste it in here, because its Ann McCaffrey
      > and she has copyright rules with lawyers. Having asked about;
      > sending it and getting it straight back is fine, it just can't be
      > dispayed. So if anyone is willing to read this over, just to tell
      > the author whether this is complete doggy piddle or not, drop me a
      > line will ya? Thing is, it's totally different for me from my usual
      > syle, and I'm sending it in to someone I really need to give
      > something decent to, so I'm nervy about this, and just want feedback
      > before I ship it to the big place. Don't be afraid to say it needs
      > axe throught the heading. I suspect that. Why I need help:)
      >
      > lucia.
      >
      >
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    • Franne Golan
      Lucia, this most certainly does convey the impressing from the dragon spov. I do wonder id someone who is not famliar with the books would get any of it. I
      Message 2 of 2 , Oct 12, 2002
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        Lucia,
        this most certainly does convey the impressing from the dragon'spov. I do wonder id someone who is not famliar with the books would get any of it. I found 2 typos. No biggies, just corrected them. Is there more to this? I'd love to see more.
        I actually have almost all of Anne McCaffrey's books. I think I'm missing one or two from the Pern series. I do like her very much. Thanks for letting me go over this. The girl does not seem at all schizo, but I certainly want to know more. Very nice. You got me hooked right way.
        Sorry if this is a bit disjointed, but my mind is a bit more fragmented today than usual!
        Franne, of the purple
        ----- Original Message -----
        Sent: Friday, October 11, 2002 5:29 PM
        Subject: [Beta_Unlimited] Opinion as much as beta needed Thanks!



        Thanks loads Franne. I owe you for this big time. I'm just so unsure about this whole bit piece. Well here it goes...
         

        Soft green, blue eyes turned up to Verithe, a beautiful pale silk, golden face nuzzled in her lap. The tiny queen knowing with perfect equanimity who she needed, considering no-one else as she had waltzed delicately across the hot sands. Taking the time to shake out her blonde sails and preen for the crowd. After all, they were here to see her; weren’t they? Surely she should give a good show, shouldn’t she?

        But she never glanced at another candidate. There was only ever one worth looking at. 

        Verithe didn’t so much as blink when she knelt to the small creature; eyes whirling so sea green. That was how it should be. Would she have bothered to share a glance with a girl possessing any less than the nerves of steel to match her own? This girl was worth dropping her head to. She would have been wasted on a silly little green clutch mate. Probably they would have been frightened by the black mist this girl moved in. Here was a mind expansive enough to be lost in. And under the dark haze was a clarity worth craving, seeking. She was worth embracing.

         

        {Viewexith. And you’re my Verithe; girl with black velvet behind her eyes.}


        Not my usual impression story at all. It was supposed to be written from the dragons point of view. And what I really need to know, is can you tell that? Or does it just seem the girl is sschizoprenic?

        Thanks again, Lucia.

        Two rights don't make a wrong, but three will get you back on the freeway.
        >From: "Franne Golan"
        >Reply-To: Beta_Unlimited@yahoogroups.com
        >To:
        >Subject: Re: [Beta_Unlimited] Opinion as much as beta needed
        >Date: Thu, 10 Oct 2002 20:44:21 +0200
        >
        >I muchly love Anne McCaffrey. Feel free to send it for a once over. I read,
        >correct and critique better than I type.
        >Franne, of the purple
        > ----- Original Message -----
        > From: Lucinda Collins
        > To: Beta_Unlimited@yahoogroups.com
        > Sent: Thursday, October 10, 2002 6:35 PM
        > Subject: [Beta_Unlimited] Opinion as much as beta needed
        >
        >
        > This is only the shortest fic, believe me at 203 words. It doesn't
        > need beta so much as just telling whether its garbled or not. Weird
        > as this sounds. I can't paste it in here, because its Ann McCaffrey
        > and she has copyright rules with lawyers. Having asked about;
        > sending it and getting it straight back is fine, it just can't be
        > dispayed. So if anyone is willing to read this over, just to tell
        > the author whether this is complete doggy piddle or not, drop me a
        > line will ya? Thing is, it's totally different for me from my usual
        > syle, and I'm sending it in to someone I really need to give
        > something decent to, so I'm nervy about this, and just want feedback
        > before I ship it to the big place. Don't be afraid to say it needs
        > axe throught the heading. I suspect that. Why I need help:)
        >
        > lucia.
        >
        >
        > Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
        > ADVERTISEMENT
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > Fanfiction. A haven for you when reality sucks!
        >
        > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
        >


        Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: Click Here


        Fanfiction. A haven for you when reality sucks!

        Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
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