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AGENT WITH STYLE
is proud to present:
LIFE AFTER DEATH
A "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" novel
based on the movie starring Johnny Depp
Blind, helpless and scared...
These aren't words that CIA Officer Sheldon Jeffrey Sands *ever*
thought would apply to him. Mexico is his beat -- he doesn't just
walk it, he owns it. He sets them up -- he watches them fall. Only
as of November 2nd, he's never going to be able to watch another
thing ever again, and all because he fell into bed with the wrong
woman...but could somebody please explain to him how the CIA missed
that little detail? Sands had a background check run on Ajedrez, and
nowhere was it mentioned that she was the fruit of Armando Barillo's
loom. Barillo isn't that good and the CIA isn't that sloppy. Now,
the only way he's going to make it out of Mexico alive is if he
learns to trust someone, only she's just about as screwed up as he
On November 2nd, my life changed forever.
A woman I used to know (and might have loved, I don't know) once
told me that I had such rotten luck, I must have pissed off a gypsy
in a past life. Some days, I think I must have pissed off the whole
I hadn't done anything to warrant my death, I'd only seen too
much and Barillo was going to make sure *that* never happened again.
But they didn't just take my eyes, they took my life. They took my
confidence. See, I've always prided myself in being able to read
people and I really did *not* see this coming. I thought she'd run
away with me -- not in a forever kinda way, but I schemed schemes
that involved her and I thought we'd spend the next few months
drinking tequila on the beach and screwing. Only she was just using
me. Me. I'm the guy who uses other people, I don't *get* used. No,
I really didn't see it coming, did I? I've never been so wrong about
anything in my whole life, and no mistake has ever cost me so much.
But on November 2nd, I met another woman, and if I'm a devil,
then Beth most assuredly is an angel. She took me in, tended my
wounds and dug a couple of bullets out of my sorry hide; she sat with
me while I was fevered and delirious. She held me when I woke up
screaming in the middle of the night, because let me tell you, I
would be a whole lot happier if my sleeping moments were as black as
my waking moments...but Beth did something else to me, too. She got
to me. She got to that place inside I'd quite happily forgotten
existed -- yes, kiddies, it really did exist once. Sort of. Hey, no
delusions, I am not a nice guy. I was never sappy or romantic and I
do not get all warm and fuzzy over puppy dogs and bunny rabbits.
But she got to me.
Only thing is -- guys like me don't get the girl. There are no
happy endings. All I have to look forward to at the end of my life
is a shallow grave somewhere and I know it. Like I said, no
delusions. Besides, a shallow grave beats what the U.S. Attorney
General has in mind for me, because I will *not* spend the rest of my
life in an orange jumpsuit. That's right, I wasn't just burned on
November 2nd, I was fucking buried alive down here. Only, I never
have been one to simply roll over and die, it's just not in my
nature. I will clear my 'good name,' even if it's the last thing I
And wouldn't you know it, there are a few people out there who
are just bound and determined to ruin my world view and prove to me
that the Universe doesn't suck...at least not as much as I think it
My name is Sheldon Jeffrey Sands. I work for the Central
Intelligence Agency. And I am living la vida loca.
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