Just after a first reading: The content is great. It catches you up and keeps you reading.
It reads as if he's becoming a dementor? What a twist that would be. I'm not certain of having the young woman die though, that would be completely unexcusable to the others when it's discovered and takes Harry too far out of the heroic role.
I think Hermione's gift of the book is almost to blunt of a foreshadowning right before he changes, but it's a good way to get it into his hands for later. What if she sent him several books, say four or five, and you could slip the title of the important book into the middle of the others so that it still hints at what's going on, but doesn't shout it distractingly. Similar to the way that Rowling introduced the Monster Book of Monsters in the Prisoner of Azkaban. Despite it's cute monsterish qualities, you don't see it's importance for almost another (long) chapter or two later.
On 6/22/05, dehc <dianehc@...> wrote:
Okay, I've just picked them up. I'll see if I can't get them turned around to you shortly.
On 6/22/05, kmdupree@... <
Hi this is Mallory and you responded to my call for Beta-ing my Harry Potter fic. Thank you I much appreciate it. I have 3 chapter written so far and I am working on number four. I am attaching the files. If you have any question don't hesitate to email and once again I appreciate you taking your time to read my work.
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