RE: Edit/Approval - Casio 500PAW - Bob Dorenfeld
- View Source
Thanks for your kind commments Richard! I work hard at style as well as content.
OR is posted in Electronic Devices > Watches https://tinyurl.com/meqkcga
All suggestions implemented, couple of comments on them:
- Since I started writing the review, Casio made changes in their website and the search for the watch takes a couple more clicks than previously, so I updated my review to "...Casio's website by searching on PAW500 in their Product Archive section"; same for the reference to the manual. I don't want to give a hard link since that could change anytime.
- added a photo showing how I configured a custom cord and clip in place of the original wristband
- fixed sp for "accidentally" that I caught just before posting
- is New Yorker style acceptable? I almost had used the diaeresis (umlaut) for "reexposed" but per your suggestion went with the mainstream hyphen instead.
---In BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com, <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:Bob,
Excellent review, I really like your writing style. Just a few edits in the standard EDIT/Edit/Comment format below. After revising you may upload to https://tinyurl.com/lx9c8hl
Don't forget to delete your Tests/OR folder copy.
###There are many more features available (see Product Information above, and Casio's website) ###
EDIT/Edit: Is it still on Casio's website? I couldn't find it. If not, drop the clause; if so, give your readers a hint on how to find it.
###(For a complete rundown of how to see and change all options, see Casio's instruction manual available with the watch, or at their website.) ###
EDIT/Edit: Same as preceding edit.
### When in either of these modes additional options can also be set. Some of these options include 12 or 24 hour time display, English or Metric measurement,###
EDIT: Imperial [with an initial cap] or metric [no initial cap] measurement
###As I mentioned in the Overview, the first thing I did to my new watch was to remove the wrist band and thread a small cord through the wristband pin slot, attach a small clip to the cord, and clip the watch to my hiking pants waistband or belt. ###
Edit/Comment: Nothing needs to be changed, but a photograph here would really help.
### The display backlight is a subtle blue and also easy to read in the dark (I have more to say about the backlight below). ###
Edit: Add a period after "dark" and put the period after "below" inside the parenthesis. This is standard writing style when the parentheses enclose a complete sentence as you do in the following paragraph and above - see second Edit.
###So I'll just remember add about 7 to whatever number I see###
Edit: When referring to single-digit numbers in text, writing them out (seven, not 7) aids readability.
###* Power Save feature puts the watch in low-power mode whenever it's in the dark for extended periods of time, blanking the display until reexposed to light ###
Edit: re-exposed [with a hyphen]