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Edit/Approval - Casio 500PAW - Bob Dorenfeld

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  • richardglyon@att.net
    Bob, Excellent review, I really like your writing style. Just a few edits in the standard EDIT/Edit/Comment format below. After revising you may upload to
    Message 1 of 3 , Sep 24, 2013
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      Bob,

      Excellent review, I really like your writing style. Just a few edits in the standard EDIT/Edit/Comment format below. After revising you may upload to https://tinyurl.com/lx9c8hl

      Don't forget to delete your Tests/OR folder copy.

      Cheers, Richard

      ###There are many more features available (see Product Information above, and Casio's website) ###
      EDIT/Edit: Is it still on Casio's website? I couldn't find it. If not, drop the clause; if so, give your readers a hint on how to find it.

      ###(For a complete rundown of how to see and change all options, see Casio's instruction manual available with the watch, or at their website.) ###
      EDIT/Edit: Same as preceding edit.

      ### When in either of these modes additional options can also be set. Some of these options include 12 or 24 hour time display, English or Metric measurement,###
      EDIT: Imperial [with an initial cap] or metric [no initial cap] measurement

      ###As I mentioned in the Overview, the first thing I did to my new watch was to remove the wrist band and thread a small cord through the wristband pin slot, attach a small clip to the cord, and clip the watch to my hiking pants waistband or belt. ###
      Edit/Comment: Nothing needs to be changed, but a photograph here would really help.

      ### The display backlight is a subtle blue and also easy to read in the dark (I have more to say about the backlight below). ###
      Edit: Add a period after "dark" and put the period after "below" inside the parenthesis. This is standard writing style when the parentheses enclose a complete sentence – as you do in the following paragraph and above - see second Edit.

      ###So I'll just remember add about 7 to whatever number I see###
      Edit: When referring to single-digit numbers in text, writing them out (seven, not 7) aids readability.

      ###* Power Save feature puts the watch in low-power mode whenever it's in the dark for extended periods of time, blanking the display until reexposed to light ###
      Edit: re-exposed [with a hyphen]
    • geartest7000
      Thanks for your kind commments Richard! I work hard at style as well as content. OR is posted in Electronic Devices Watches https://tinyurl.com/meqkcga All
      Message 2 of 3 , Sep 26, 2013
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        Thanks for your kind commments Richard!  I work hard at style as well as content. 

        OR is posted in Electronic Devices > Watches  https://tinyurl.com/meqkcga


        All suggestions implemented, couple of comments on them:

        - Since I started writing the review, Casio made changes in their website and the search for the watch takes a couple more clicks than previously, so I updated my review to "...Casio's website by searching on PAW500 in their Product Archive section"; same for the reference to the manual.  I don't want to give a hard link since that could change anytime.


        - added a photo showing how I configured a custom cord and clip in place of the original wristband


        - fixed sp for "accidentally" that I caught just before posting


        - is New Yorker style acceptable?  I almost had used the diaeresis (umlaut) for "reexposed" but per your suggestion went with the mainstream hyphen instead. 


        ~Bob



        ---In BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com, <backpackgeartest@yahoogroups.com> wrote:

        Bob,

        Excellent review, I really like your writing style. Just a few edits in the standard EDIT/Edit/Comment format below. After revising you may upload to https://tinyurl.com/lx9c8hl

        Don't forget to delete your Tests/OR folder copy.

        Cheers, Richard

        ###There are many more features available (see Product Information above, and Casio's website) ###
        EDIT/Edit: Is it still on Casio's website? I couldn't find it. If not, drop the clause; if so, give your readers a hint on how to find it.

        ###(For a complete rundown of how to see and change all options, see Casio's instruction manual available with the watch, or at their website.) ###
        EDIT/Edit: Same as preceding edit.

        ### When in either of these modes additional options can also be set. Some of these options include 12 or 24 hour time display, English or Metric measurement,###
        EDIT: Imperial [with an initial cap] or metric [no initial cap] measurement

        ###As I mentioned in the Overview, the first thing I did to my new watch was to remove the wrist band and thread a small cord through the wristband pin slot, attach a small clip to the cord, and clip the watch to my hiking pants waistband or belt. ###
        Edit/Comment: Nothing needs to be changed, but a photograph here would really help.

        ### The display backlight is a subtle blue and also easy to read in the dark (I have more to say about the backlight below). ###
        Edit: Add a period after "dark" and put the period after "below" inside the parenthesis. This is standard writing style when the parentheses enclose a complete sentence – as you do in the following paragraph and above - see second Edit.

        ###So I'll just remember add about 7 to whatever number I see###
        Edit: When referring to single-digit numbers in text, writing them out (seven, not 7) aids readability.

        ###* Power Save feature puts the watch in low-power mode whenever it's in the dark for extended periods of time, blanking the display until reexposed to light ###
        Edit: re-exposed [with a hyphen]
      • richardglyon@att.net
        Bob, You re welcome. And I think the photo really helps show how you use this watch. Chers, Richard
        Message 3 of 3 , Sep 27, 2013
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          Bob,

          You're welcome. And I think the photo really helps show how you use this watch.

          Chers,

          Richard
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