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EDIT - K-Way Advance 85 hiking backpack - Jaco-Chris Koorts

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  • richardglyon@att.net
    Jaco-Chris, Almost there. My edits are below, in the standard BGT format: EDIT is a required change, Edit a suggested change or request for clarification, and
    Message 1 of 2 , Jul 17, 2013
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      Jaco-Chris,

      Almost there. My edits are below, in the standard BGT format: EDIT is a required change, Edit a suggested change or request for clarification, and Comment is a comment, with no change required.

      One thing I should have explained earlier, in connection with BGT's rule that a writer may only report on his personal experience. Any use of the second person [you, your] is suspect and should almost always be changed to first person (I, me, my]. I note some of these below, but go through your entire OR for changes.

      As before, after revising you need to do two things. Post the html version of the Report in the Tests/Owner Reviews folder on BackpackGearTest.org, and post the plain text version here, with "Repost," the product name, and your name in the subject line, and with a tinyurl link to the html version in the body of your message.

      Thanks for sticking with this.

      Cheers, Richard

      ************

      ###Adventure-junky, I have been back-packing from around the age of 9 or 10.###
      Edit: Unless the word is commonly hyphenated in South Africa, "backpacking" is usually one word, no hyphen.

      ### URL to website of manufacturer: http://www.capeunionmart.co.za###
      EDIT: This must be a clickable link. I believe there is a key on the Report Writer that allows you to add one.

      ###• K-Way's Air-vantage back system, which promotes a flow of air and prevents
      your back from sweating profusely where the backpack and your back meet###
      EDIT: An example of impermissible (and unnecessary) use of the second person. "and my back meet"

      ###• Water-proof design (material and all of the external zippers).###
      Edit: Waterproof [one word, no hyphen]

      ###This sleek 85 litre backpack is the ideal tool when planning to be out in the
      mountains for at least a week, or to go on that epic backpacking tour that's on
      my bucket list. ###
      Edit: 85-litre [with a hyphen]
      EDIT: Need the Imperial equivalent, in cubic inches.

      ###The pack does not appear to have any external side-pockets. ###
      Edit: side pockets [two words, no hyphen]

      ###However, these are neatly tucked away to form part of the body of the pack, which are useful because in narrow spaces there's nothing sticking out from the sides of the pack, ###
      EDIT: which is useful

      ### The pack is made of durable, water-proof material.###
      Edit: waterproof [as above]

      ### The top pocket is adjustable and accessed by means of a waterproof zipper and underneath the lid is a mesh pocket that is handy for storing items that you want to access quickly, ###
      EDIT: that I want to access

      ###Its enormity, however, also means that you can practically always fit something in there – ###
      EDIT: that I can practically

      ###I have used the pack on a few occasions, ###
      EDIT: You needn't detail every other occasion, but you should give your readers a summary of overall usage, including number of days, temperatures, and weather conditions (particularly any exposure to rain).

      ###The trail brings you into contact with all of these (and some sea otters, if
      you're lucky) ###
      EDIT: brings the hiker into contact; (and some sea otters, if lucky)

      ### a high of around 28 degrees Celsius (80 degrees Fahrenheit) with a low of around 13 degrees Celsius (55 degrees Fahrenheit) at night. ###
      EDIT: 28 C (80 F) and 13 C (55 F). BGT protocols: never use "degrees;" F and C only

      ###The most exciting (and most tricky) part of the route is on the fourth day, when
      you have to cross the mouth of the Bloukrans ###
      EDIT: when the hiker must cross [Or – better – "when I had to cross"

      ###fighting a current that's trying to pull you into the sea, ###
      EDIT: pull me into the sea.

      ### 4. Its durability, although one should be careful when putting it onto your
      back, as putting too much strain on the area where the shoulder straps connect
      to the pack have caused little tears in mine.###
      EDIT: onto his back [if you're politically correct, "his or her back"]
    • richardglyon@att.net
      Jaco-Chris, I sent you an off-list email July 20 about this and have received no reply. In case you missed it I ve copied it below. Cheers, Richard ***********
      Message 2 of 2 , Aug 3, 2013
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        Jaco-Chris, I sent you an off-list email July 20 about this and have received no reply. In case you missed it I've copied it below.

        Cheers, Richard

        ***********

        Jaco-Chris,

        Only one thing that needs further work: You need to add a summary of total use of the pack, probably at the beginning of your Field Use section. As noted in my last set of edits, this can be brief, but it should include length of time you've used the pack, an estimate of days of use, temperature range, and any exposure to rain or snow. Here's an example from one of my ORs (of a hat):

        Since receiving this cap as a Christmas present in 2008, it's been on my head or in my pack in all four seasons. In winter I wear it at around camp, on its own until the temperature dips below about 15 F (-10 C), when I may add a merino wool hoody layer underneath, and when ski touring at rest stops or when cold, wind, and blowing snow call for more protection. In the other three seasons it's generally limited to camp duty in the evenings, when the temperature in the Montana high country gets down near freezing or below.

        From what you've written, maybe something like "I've had this pack since [date] and have used it on [number] of backpacking trips. Temperatures ranged from X to Y and I met with rain on Z days." Doesn't need to be much longer than this. Then pick up your Otter Trail trip.

        To save another round of reposting, just send me your sample paragraph by replying to this email. Once that matter is settled I'll post an approval notice to the Yahoo Group list.

        A few other minor matters that you should also fix:

        ###Capacity: 85 l (5 187.02 cu in)###
        Edit: In two places. I'd round off the conversion to 5200 cu in.

        ###I am not the most organised hiker so the lack of small compartments inside the main bag did not bother me all that much.###
        Edit: I think "most organized packer" more accurately reflects what you are trying to say.

        ###I had to cross the mouth of the Bloukrans (an Afrikaans word for: Blue Cliff) river. ###
        EDIT: River [With a capital R – it's a proper name.]


        Cheers, Richard
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