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Edit - Kelty Grand Mesa 2 - David Willoby

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  • richardglyon@att.net
    David, Excellent work! The photos are particularly informative. All we need do now is conform to a few BGT conventions and fix a few minor things. As this is
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 5, 2012
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      Excellent work! The photos are particularly informative. All we need do now is conform to a few BGT conventions and fix a few minor things. As this is your first Owner Review, I'm going to ask you to Repost again. As before, repost here with REPOST, the product name, and your name in the subject line, and repost the HTML version in the OR/Tests folder on BGT's website. On this site, please make it a new post rather than a reply. I'm confident that I'll approve your OR for posting to a folder at that point.

      As before:

      EDIT (all caps) – required change
      Edit (initial cap) – suggested change or request for clarification
      Comment – just that, no change required

      Cheers, Richard

      <<MSRP: $139.95>>
      <<The footprint is sold separately (MSRP $34.95) and adds 7 oz (198 g) to the total weight of the shelter.>>

      EDIT: $139.95 US and $34.95 US
      [A BGT convention. Other countries, including Australia and Canada, use their own dollars as currency.]

      << All of the seams are factory taped, and the floor is bathtup-style>>
      EDIT: bathtub [spelling]

      <<The fly is the same gray and a light moss-green.>>
      Edit: moss green [The hyphen is unnecessary.]

      <<It has two cross-poles that are placed in grommets at the corners of the tent floor.>>
      Edit: This is a style issue, and so, as your meaning is clear, up to you. It's never a good idea to begin a paragraph with a pronoun, as it sends the reader hunting for its antecedent. "The tent has" or "The Grand Mesa has" reads better.

      <<Elevation was about 1300'. >>
      Edit: 1300 ft [Not necessary to change but reads better.]
      EDIT: Need the metric equivalent. By the way, as you've used an approximation for the Imperial, round off the metric too.

      <<Coupled with my Exped Synmat 7 sleeping pad and North Face Aleutian 20 bag,>>
      Edit: At times this might be an EDIT, but here I'm leaving it up to you. BGT's standard practice is not to include any product name other than the product under review. That's partly for legal reasons but mostly because the reader may not be familiar with the other products. An exception is if you have posted an Owner Review or Test Report on the other product, in which case you should refer to the applicable OR/Test Report. So: "Coupled with a synthetic-filled sleeping pad and a down bag rated to 20 F (-7 C)" or something like that that describes these products' characteristics.

      <<About half of the tent was over vegetation from the previous year, about 300 feet from a large stream. >>
      EDIT: Please add the metric equivalent.

      <<I used the tent again in July in the Smoky Mountains, this time with my 8 year old son. >>
      Edit: 8-year old son [with a hyphen]

      <<Elevation was about 3060', overnight temperature was around 60 degrees F (15.56 degrees C.)>>
      Edit: As above, "ft" or "feet" reads better than the apostrophe.
      EDIT: Please add the metric equivalent.
      EDIT: 60 F (16 C) [Another BGT convention – temperatures should be without "degrees" (or the symbol). As 60 F is approximate, you should round off the Celsius.]
      EDIT: The period at the end of the sentence should follow the parenthesis.

      <<Elevation was about 3200', overnight temperature was around 50 degrees F (10 degrees C.)>>
      EDIT: As above – need metric for elevation, and 50 F (10 C).
      Edit: As above, "ft" or "feet" instead of the apostrophe.

      <<Through the wind, the tent remained stable, and there were no worries about it's ability to hold up.>>
      EDIT: its ability [No apostrophe; possessive pronoun instead of contraction for "it is"]

      << I had all of the guy lines run out,>>
      Edit: all the guy lines

      <<I replaced the included guy lines with Kelty's Triptease Light line ($15.95 for 50 ft (15.24 m),) a 3mm reflective nylon cord to improve visibility in low light. >>
      Edit: A comma after "nylon cord" would aid readability. By the way, here referring to the other product is OK as it's from the same manufacturer.

      <<I ran these guy lines out every night, which is essential to avoiding condensation.>>
      EDIT: which I found essential [As written, this is projection; you must confine your reporting to your own impressions and opinions. Another BGT rule, and one that's very easy to break – I did so very recently in a Test Report.]

      <<It's light weight without having to worry about tearing the material.>>
      Edit: lightweight [As an adjective "lightweight" is one word.]

      <<It's pretty snug to be considered a two-person tent. >>
      Comment: You will find that to be true of many shelters listed as two-person tents.
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