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EDIT/APPROVAL - RIBZWEAR Front Pack - Erin Hedden

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  • richardglyon@att.net
    Erin, Thanks for the revisions, and the extra photos really improve your OR. A few edits below, in the standard format. After revising please upload to the
    Message 1 of 2 , Jun 3, 2012
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      Erin,

      Thanks for the revisions, and the extra photos really improve your OR. A few edits below, in the standard format. After revising please upload to the folder with the original RIBZ pack.

      Cheers, Richard

      <<The RIBZ Front Pack boasts 800+ cu. in. (13 L) of space, unfortunately I have no way of measuring this claim to confirm or deny this claim made by the manufacturers, >>
      EDIT: by the manufacturer. [Singular and a period not a comma.]

      <<The newer version of RIBZWEAR Front Packs now have two sizes. The 500 ci (8 L), and the 700 ci (11 L) models that come in Alpine Green, Stealth Black and Camo.>>
      EDIT: has two sizes ["version" takes a singular verb]
      Edit: Change the period after "two sizes" to a colon.

      <<The shoulder rear waist strap is black and they are adjustable. >>
      EDIT: Either "straps are black" or "it is adjustable." [Both singular or both plural.]

      <<I have worn the RIBZ Front Pack on countless hikes throughout the fall of 2011, the winter of 2011-2012 and into the spring of 2012 both alone by itself >>
      Edit: I'd delete either "alone" or "by itself." Redundant with both.

      <<I wear the Ribz Front Pack when I go fishing, hiking, camping, hunting and even biking. >>
      EDIT: RIBZ Front Pack

      <<This outing was the first time I have been able to get out and use the RIBZ Front Pack in the real heat of spring and summer.>>
      EDIT: I had been able (or "was able") [Need to agree tense within the sentence.]

      <<along with a small waterproof tackle box that contained my most used lures for that area >>
      Edit: most-used [with a hyphen]

      <<There is a smaller, pocket below that which opens from the side and goes back all the way to the end of the pack itself >>
      Edit: The comma is unnecessary.

      <<I like the 5 pocket set up so everything is stored in an organized way >>
      Edit: 5-pocket [with a hyphen]
      Edit: setup [one word]
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