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Edit-Hammock Gear 20*F Incubator - Steve Kidd

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  • richardglyon@att.net
    Steve, On your way to several brownie points, I see. Here are your edits, in the standard format. As I m asking for a couple of re-writes, please repost after
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 25, 2012
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      On your way to several brownie points, I see. Here are your edits, in the standard format. As I'm asking for a couple of re-writes, please repost after revising.

      Cheers, Richard

      EDIT: Delete the brackets – product name should be exactly as the manufacturer has it.

      <<I generally go on one or two night outings that cover between 5 to 20 mi (8 32 km) distances. I try to keep my pack under 20 lb (9 kg) even in the winter.>>
      EDIT: Add a dash or "to" between "8" and "32."
      Edit: Is your pack weight with or without food and water?

      <<Measurements: 77x45 in (196 x 114 cm)
      Quilt Loft: 3.5 in (9 cm)>>
      EDIT: You need to include both listed and measured figures for both, as you did with weight.

      <<The Hammock Gear Incubator is a full-length under quilt, or (UQ) that is
      designed to attach underneath a camping hammock>>
      Edit: The parentheses are unnecessary, and a comma after UQ would make things clearer.

      <<However, as a cottage industry they customize nearly every quilt they produce.>>
      EDIT: To me "customize" means made-to-order; it's not the same as choosing options from a drop-down menu. Maybe Hammock Gear offers both, but you need to clarify this.

      << My Incubator is the base 20 F (-7 C) but it is filled with 900+ fill down, >>
      EDIT: 20*F

      << My main critique, which I felt necessary to place in the Product Information section isn't truly with the product itself, but with some of the confusing language on the company website. >>
      Edit: A comma after "section" would aid readability.

      << Rather, they have kept the following names: the [0 F], the [20 F] and [40 F]. >>
      EDIT: 0*F, 20*F, 40*F

      <<In summary of their website, Hammock Gear has removed the 800 fill information from the specifications grid for their other down filled products, >>
      Edit: down-filled [with a hyphen]

      << Adam suggested that if an end user that wanted an item built custom to their individual needs,>>
      Edit: who wanted [people are "who," things "that" or "which"]
      Edit: he should review [or if you are politically correct, he or she should review]

      <<This isn't generally a problem with a person sleeping on the ground, as the ground dweller generally has a sleeping pad that insulates them.>>
      Edit: insulates him [or "him or her."]
      EDIT: Here, and in the next EDIT, you need to revise to reflect that it's not just the under quilt that provides insulation. You need something on top too. I think your point – a good one – is that an under quilt eliminates a common cause of chilling hammockers; you just need to revise accordingly.

      << By suspending a quilt snugly below the hammock and allowing the insulation to
      loft, I then stay warm as I sleep.>>
      EDIT: Same as prior EDIT.

      <<Hammock gear suggests their UQ features tapered ends and a dual differential cut
      radial baffles. >>
      EDIT: Hammock Gear
      Edit: They don't "suggest," they "say"

      <<The Incubator is designed this way to minimize air gaps between the hammocker's body and the quilt as they roll around or change sleeping positions during rest. >>
      Edit: he [or "he or she"] rolls around

      << The shell material is a down-proof lightweight Ripstop nylon with a DWR coating>>
      Edit: No need to capitalize "ripstop"

      <<To restate, my quilt is more of a stock version, but the company offers more technical fabrics as well.>>
      Edit/EDIT: As above, see if you can determine what's "custom" and what's an option. It does appear that other fabrics are available.

      <<The Hammock Gear Incubator UQ has been the only bottom insulation I've used in hammock camping when the temperatures have been below 50 F (10 C) since the
      winter of 2011. >>
      Edit: I'd move "since the winter of 2011" to the beginning of the sentence.

      <<whereas in warmer conditions my setup is changed as to allow air-flow around me as I sleep. >>
      Edit: In the preceding sentence you use "airflow," one word. Consistency is good!

      << but as I mentioned the subjective earlier, I tend to be a 'warm' sleeper.>>
      EDIT: the subject

      <<If the under quilt doesn't snugly and properly fit beneath the hammock and an
      air gap is created I can experience cool spots, known as "Cold Butt Syndrome" on
      cold nights. >>
      Edit: I'd add a comma after "Syndrome"

      <<I've only once or twice had minimal cool spots at periods during the night and
      was able to quickly adjust the quilt by sliding it or reaching underneath the
      hammock and realigning a bit of the down loft to another spot. >>
      Edit: If you were always able to do this without leaving the hammock, I'd mention that fact.

      <<When I first began hammock camping I used self-inflating pads, closed cell pads
      or a reflective bubble type material to provide insulation. >>
      EDIT: Same as above – provide insulation underneath.

      << In warm summer months I still use a lightweight pad at times, but
      this is only if I expect low temperatures of 65 F (18 C).>>
      Edit: 65 F (18 C) or above [Which is what I think you mean]

      <<The image next to the volley ball shows the stuffed size when placed in the sack>>
      Edit: volleyball [one word]
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