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EDIT: OR: Sierra Designs Utopia 15 sleeping bag - Denver Allen

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  • Ben Mansfield
    Hello Denver, Thanks for your Owner Review!  This is a great job for your first review. Your initial edits will be below, and I use a similar format as most
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 15, 2011
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      Hello Denver,

      Thanks for your Owner Review!  This is a great job for your first review.

      Your initial edits will be below, and I use a similar format as most
      other editors here on BGT:

      EDIT: marks something that must be changed
      Edit: marks something that should be changed, but is ultimately left
      to your discretion
      Comment: is just that - a comment.

      When you have made the changes, please repost your report here with
      REPOST added to the subject line.

      If you haven't already read it, Some very helpful information may be
      found here: http://www.backpackgeartest.org/lesson.php?lesson=BecomeTester&page=1

      Please notice the form that the review should take in the “Examples”,
      you may also wish to browse the reviews of other experienced members
      for examples of the proper form.

      Another helpful tool is our Mentor program, which teams new reviews
      with experienced testers in order to help you get through your first
      reviews. If you'd like more assistance or guidance then you can
      request a mentor by emailing the mentor coordinator at
      mentor@....

      Your edits follow:
      _______________________________________________

      ### My husband has been backpacking for his whole life...
      ### EDIT: Your biography is slightly over our 100-word limit. Please
      revise it down to 100 words or less. Remember that the goal is to let
      readers know what kind of backpacker you are as it sets the context
      for the rest of your report. The link I posted above has some good
      examples and further details to help.

      ### Listed Weight: 3 lb. 9 oz. / 1.6 kg
      ### EDIT: no period required after "lb" and "oz"

      ### Measured Weight: 3 lb. 9 oz. / 1.6 kg
      ### EDIT: no period required after "lb" and "oz"

      ### Other details: Heatsync insulation stuffing with 30D polyester
      lining and Micro-Ripstop shell. The hole baffle has Flex technology
      to provide maximum comfort.
      ### EDIT: Sentence fragments
      ### EDIT: Normally at this point in the review we have a good
      description of the product, written in your words. What you have
      above is a start, but you need to try to describe the sleeping bag and
      its features. If you were trying to describe it to someone who
      backpacks but has never seen this particular model, what would you
      tell them? Is it a mummy or rectangular? 3-season or 4? Does it
      have a hood, draft collar, etc.? Any pockets? What kind of
      insulation? What kind of shell? What is its temperature rating? You
      get the idea, right?

      ### I have taken this bag camping in many situations I've owned the
      bag for about a year and It's been my sleeping bag in yurts, tents,
      hammocks, through winter and summer. I've used it for weeklong
      excursions as well as over night camping near my home. Overall I've
      probably spent about 40 to 50 nights in this bag.
      ### EDIT 1: week-long or week long
      ### EDIT: 2: overnight
      ### Edit 3: This is a good use description. It might also be helpful
      to a reader to understand some of the conditions in which you've used
      the bag. If I'm reading your review, at this point I'm wondering
      where you've used it, in what range of temperatures have you used it,
      in what kinds of weather / elevations, etc.

      ### SUMMARY
      ### Edit: The paragraph that follows this isn't really a summary -
      it's more like background information. It's really good and helpful
      to the report, but I'd probably move the "SUMMARY" heading down to
      the very end, and maybe just summarize your likes and dislikes in
      short lists (many testers do this with a bullet list, though it is not
      technically required).

      ### I also am a very active sleeper
      ### EDIT: I am also

      ### thus the 15 degree bag
      ### EDIT: Please convert to metric as well, to accommodate our readers
      who are not familiar with imperial units. (F and C)

      ### quick over night trips
      ### EDIT: overnight

      ### to make our days off seem longer and weekend camping/backpacking trips.
      ### Edit: I think you mean, "to make our days off seem longer, as well
      as taking weekend camping/backpacking trips."

      ### not only comfortable sleeping gear but also light and small so we
      can easily carry them in our packs.
      ### Edit: Might be more readable if you said "sleeping gear that is
      not only comfortable but also light and small enough to be easily
      carried in our packs"

      ### Being a 15 degree bag
      ### EDIT: Please convert to metric as well, to accommodate our readers
      who are not familiar with imperial units. (F and C)

      ### our dog always chooses to sleep on my bag and not my husbands
      ### EDIT: husband's

      ### The problem with camping pillows is they're small and slippery
      and most of the time you lose them shortly after falling asleep.
      ### EDIT: we try to avoid projection at BGT, so using the word "you"
      is a no-no, since you can't be sure that "I" lose my camping pillow
      after I fall asleep. Sometimes these are tough to avoid, but this one
      is easy. Just say, "...most of the time I lose them shortly..."

      ### The Sierra Designs Utopia bag is designed at the opening with a
      ridge that will keep your pillow in place and if your pillow is small
      enough then you can actually slide it into the pocket that is on the
      underside of the head rest on the sleeping bag and it will keep it in
      just the right spot. (my pillow is just a little bit too big for the
      pocket).
      ### Edit 1: designed with a ridge at the opening that will keep...
      ### EDIT 2: that will keep *my* pillow in place
      ### EDIT 3: and if *my* pillow is small enough that *I* can actually...
      ### EDIT 4: (my pillow ... for the pocket). - Parenthesis not
      required, and please capitalize My

      ### I also really like the zippered pocket for keys or cell phone or
      anything important that you need to keep by you at night. It's in the
      right spot so it's not in your way, it's easy to get to, and the
      zipper keeps it all in place.
      ### EDIT: lots of "you's".. please don't assume that it will apply to
      me or your reader... tell us about your experience.

      ### I'm about 5' 9"
      ### EDIT: please convert your height to metric as well, to accommodate
      our readers who are not familiar with imperial units.

      ### Being a 15 degree bag
      ### EDIT: unit conversions please. (F and C)

      ### also has it's drawbacks:
      ### EDIT: has its drawbacks

      ### I have a 55 liter bag
      ### EDIT: unit conversions please. (L and cu in)

      ### Once again, kind of obnoxious but since I usually go with my
      husband and we split our gear up among 2 packs and have a pretty good
      system down now, it hasn't been a huge problem but I can
      definitely see that if I were to go without him and had to carry all
      my own food, water, clothing, stove, tent, toilet paper and all the
      other necessities, I could run into trouble.
      ### Edit: A bit of a run-on sentence. Consider splitting something
      like: "it hasn't been a huge problem. I can definitely see, however,
      that if..."

      ### Definitely something to think about when selecting your bag.
      ### EDIT: this "your" is a little tougher to correct. It's also a
      fragment sentence, so perhaps something like, "This is definitely
      something I think about when I'm choosing which gear to pack for a
      trip" would fix both...
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