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EDIT: Owner Review - Merrel Moab Ventilator GTX Hiking Boot

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  • Ray
    Hello Andrei, Thank you for your Owner Review, your initial edits will follow. They will take the following format; EDIT: must be changed Edit: should be
    Message 1 of 4 , May 18 7:11 AM
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      Hello Andrei,

      Thank you for your Owner Review, your initial edits will follow. They will take the following format;

      EDIT: must be changed
      Edit: should be changed but will be left to your discretion
      Comment: just that or something to think about

      When you have made the changes please repost here with REPOST added to the subject line. Include your name also please.

      Some very helpful information may be found here;
      http://www.backpackgeartest.org/lesson.php?lesson=BecomeTester&page=1

      Please notice the form that the review should take in the "Examples", you may also wish to browse the reviews of other experienced members for examples of the proper form.

      A helpful tool is the Mentoring Program that teams new reviewers with experienced veterans to help get them through their first review(s). If you'd like more assistance or guidance with the process you can request a mentor by sending an email to the mentor coordinator, Jenn, at mentor@...

      Ray


      *** Merrel Moab Ventilator GTX Mid

      EDIT: are you sure about the name of your boots? I see Moab Ventilators (which breathe well as they are mesh) and Moab Mid GORE-TEX, but not one that is both. Please figure out which model you have.



      ***Weight: 150 lb. (68 kg)

      EDIT: please delete the period after lb



      ***City, State, Country: New York, NY, USA

      EDIT: need to spell out the state name for the benefit of our international readers



      ***Date: 04/28/2011

      EDIT: please use the written format for the date (April 28, 2011) as international readers may use a different numerical format



      ***I have been backpacking for 6 years, mostly 3 season weekend trips

      EDIT: 3-season



      *** try to take at least one 5-7 day trip each summer to other destinations in the (CA, AZ, AK, Canada & Central America)

      EDIT: state names need to be spelled out at least the first time the abbreviation is used



      *** My multi-day pack weight is around 20-25 lb.

      EDIT: need the metric conversion for all weights and measures




      ***Manufacturer: Merrell

      EDIT: actually it is Wolverine World Wide, Inc



      ***Size: 10

      EDIT: I take it they are US Men's 10?



      ***The soles are black, made of Vibram with a pattern that allows you to
      grip the trail.

      EDIT: made of Vibram what?
      EDIT: We keep everything in the first person, no "you"s, just "me" and "I". Here is my canned explanation.

      Projection

      "When you tighten the laces on the boots, you pull the shoestrings in an out and upward motion. Then you tie it with a double knot and you are ready to go down the trail."

      This is a very common way to write, but in doing so we just said what "other people" would do, not our self. This is projecting our thoughts onto the reader. We do not know how other people tie their shoes. We keep away from "you" and "your" in our writing.

      We are writing a review of "our" gear based on "our" experiences. So we need to keep it in the first person. Here is how it should look;

      "When I tighten the laces on the boots, I pull the shoestrings in an out and upward motion. Then I tie it with a double knot and I'm ready to go down the trail."



      ***They are laced through 5 ribbon loops, and 1 metal hook.

      EDIT: you may want to rethink this sentence. Do you mean on each side? Actually it is 11 loops and two hooks if I am looking at the right boot.

      You really need to do a bit more with your product description also. Look at so boot reviews from veteran testers to see what I am talking about. (Or request a mentor better yet.)



      *** The park is full of small rivulets which are guaranteed to get your shoes wet,

      EDIT: the "your" thing again. Keep it in the first person. But really it is not "guaranteed " to get the boots wet unless you step in the rivulets, correct? How about saying that you "expected" to get wet.



      *** That trip involved glacier hiking with crampons, with temperature in the 40s.

      EDIT: The 40s F (Fahrenheit)? Need to show it plus give the Celsius conversion



      ***Since then I have worn them on dozens of day hikes and weekend trips on rocky trails in the Adirondacks and Catskill, and Poconos mountains in moderate weather. Last year I took a 5 day trip to the Arizona desert, with sandy trails, and temperature in the 90's. Earlier this year I took them to very humid Costa Rican cloud forests.

      Can you give an example of the conditions used at? Terrain (rocks, scree, mud, sand etc.) the elevations, weather, (snow, rain, desert heat). Again look to other reviews for examples.



      *** I've read that a pound on your shoes tires you out as much as five in your pack

      EDIT: the you thing again, please go through the entire review looking for further instances of this. And I think you mean a pound on your feet, not your shoes. Also, you need metric conversions for all weights. Please look for further instances of this.



      ***Sole: Then bottom of the sole is very contoured and

      EDIT: "The" bottom



      I am going to stop for now and let you redo the review. I will look forward to the rewrite.
    • Jamie D.
      RAY - Andrei Girenkov(1) - Merrell Moab Ventilator GTX Mid Men s Hiking Boot – Posted Apr 28(msg#80243), Taken May 18, Edit May 18(msg#80272), Follow-up sent
      Message 2 of 4 , Jun 5, 2011
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        RAY - Andrei Girenkov(1) - Merrell Moab Ventilator GTX Mid Men's Hiking Boot – Posted Apr 28(msg#80243), Taken May 18, Edit May 18(msg#80272), Follow-up sent June 5,

        Hi Andrei,
        Following a review of our Owner Review queue at BackpackGearTest.org I noticed you have not responded to the Edit given for the above Owner's Review, which was posted by Ray back on 18 May. Please refer to message number 80272 at
        http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BackpackGearTest/messages

        http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BackpackGearTest/?yguid=83123535

        Are you planning to continue with the OR? We are here to help so please don't hesitate to ask if there is something we can assist you with so you can complete your Owner Review?

        Please let me know how you wish to proceed with this review so I can inform your editor and update the Edit Queue.

        Regards
        Jamie DeBenedetto
        Edit Administration Manager
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