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EDIT 3 - OR - GSI Halulite Minimalist - Charles Nichols

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  • Michael
    Chuck, Here is the Edit Round 3. Same principle as before with EDIT, Edit and Comment. I m going to contact you offline for what your next step needs to be.
    Message 1 of 1 , May 8, 2011
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      Chuck,

      Here is the Edit Round 3. Same principle as before with EDIT, Edit and Comment.

      I'm going to contact you offline for what your next step needs to be.

      Mike

      ______________________________________

      After, meeting other hikers using lighter gear has encouraged me to get lighter gear of my own.

      >>EDIT: There is no need for a comma after "After".


      PRODUCT INFORMATION

      >>EDIT: This was a mandatory edit on the previous round, you need to make sure that the listed or measured volume / capacity of the pot is mentioned here.


      I used my GSI Halulite Minimalist four days and four nights on the
      Appalachian Trail (AT).

      >>EDIT: Just days, not day's


      The first two-day/night was at 3500 ft (1067 m) on the summit of Max Patch on the AT.

      >>EDIT: You don't need to stipulate day/night, just put days.


      Once we reached the summit of Max Patch, I began heating 2 c (16 fl oz) cold water in my GSI Halulite Minimalist .6 L (20.29 fl oz) pot for supper, within 3 - 4 minutes, I had a boil.

      >>EDIT: you need "of" before cold


      After turning, my stove off I used the pot gripper to pour my hot water into my dehydrated meal.

      >>EDIT: You don't need a comma after "turning"


      When pouring hot water from my pot, I position my hand and fingers in my pot gripper placing them on the side of the pot, pouring away from my hand and me and fingers so the steam from the water will not burn me.

      >>EDIT: remove "me and", you just need to say my hand and fingers.


      After a good meal with my woman and a nice sunset, it was time for bed.

      >>Comment: I personally would never refer to my wife as my woman, but that is completely up to you. However, please consider your audience, if there is just a glimmer that you may offend someone, or someone may interpret what you are saying incorrectly, it is best to error on the cautious side.


      If you do not attach the sip-it lid you will burn, you mouth.

      >>EDIT: You have kept projection out of your report until this last change. Projection is the single biggest no-no as a tester. What you think works or would do to you may not work or do something for the reader. You really need to stay away from using "If you", "Your" or phrases like that. Simply put, if I don't use the sip-it lid I would or could burn myself because the exposed pot is still hot.


      The next morning I setup my GSI Halulite Minimalist pot .6 L (20.29 fl
      oz) by adding 2 c (16 fl oz) water to heat up for breakfast.

      >>EDIT: Take out the .6 L (20.29 fl oz) as you have already stated the pot size above.

      >>EDIT: you need "of" before water


      At this time place the sip-it lid (Image 1) on GSI Halulite Minimalist, pot .6 L(20.29 fl oz).

      >>EDIT: Take out the .6 L (20.29 fl oz) as you have already stated the pot size above.

      >>EDIT: Change to this sentence "At this time I place the sip-it lid on the pot as demonstrated in (Image 1)."


      Once, the water comes to a boil turn off stove.

      >>EDIT: I turn off the stove…


      Remove the sip-it lid, using the pot gripper (Image 3) lift pot and pour the water into meal.

      >>EDIT: This looks like you cut and pasted this from the instructions, it is also just a poorly written sentence. Retry and make it more personal with something like "I then remove…" Remember the consistency thing, the previous sentence used "I attach my pot gripper…". You want the report to flow and if you are not using a consistent style it will be very difficult for the reader from sentence to sentence.


      Always pour away from pot gripper and yourself to keep from burning my fingers. After removing the pot from the stove, slide pot into the sleeve (Image 4). Add instant coffee, turning sip-it lid over (Image 5) and applied a little pressure to seal sip-it lid to pot.

      >>EDIT: Same thing as above, this needs to be better.


      After using the GSI Halulite Minimalist for two more day /night's,
      I learned that it makes it easier to remove and check the water if I
      turn my sip-it lid over (Image 1).

      >>EDIT: just use days, no need for day /night's


      I prefer to use my sip-it lid in the sip-it mode (Image 5), because steam drops off and makes a mess unless the sip-it lid is wiped off before drinking from it.

      >>EDIT / Comment: Chuck, you need to proof read your report before you post it for editing. Look at this sentence; it doesn't make any sense what so ever. You prefer the sip-it lid because steam drops off and makes a mess? I think you got caught up in changing the edit and then not looking at how that change impacted the rest of the sentence or paragraph.


      Picture took from GSI instruction booklet

      >>EDIT: Taken


      On my first two-day/night at the river, the weather was awesome, sunny, with a little wind blowing just enough to make it comfortable.

      >>EDIT: just use days.

      >>EDIT: Just a little comma happy on this one. Try this… "On my first two days at the river, the weather was awesome and sunny with a little wind blowing just enough to make it comfortable."


      Once at camp, I setup my GSI Halulite Minimalist .6 L (20.29 fl oz) pot to boil 2 c (16 fl oz) of water.

      >>EDIT: you can remove the .6 L (20.29 fl oz)


      Once the water comes to a boil, I used my pot gripper to pour the water into my meal and seal it off until ready to eat.

      >>EDIT: change comes to came.
      >>EDIT: dehydrated meal and then I sealed it off until it was ready to eat.


      I did this on my last two section hikes on the Appalachian Trail. I used this same setup each time car camping for next two day /nights.

      >>EDIT: Combine these into one sentence (I used this same set up on my last 2 sections and car camping). Just use days not day / nights.


      However, hiking with two hikers, the GSI Halulite Minimalist is a solo pot designed for one person with an insulated sleeve that has a dual-purpose lid with two modes (boil and sip-it). It also comes with a foon and pot grabber. The GSI Halulite Minimalist is a .6 L (20.29 fl oz) Pot made of hard anodized alloy. Hard anodized surface can provide maximum thermal efficiency whether boiling, melting or simmering. Now, I am going to pick up a second GSI Halulite
      Minimalist for my girlfriend so she will have something to drink out of or boil/cook if needed. I have only used my GSI Halulite Minimalist to boil water in at the time of this review.

      >>Edit / Comment: This is an outstanding paragraph (your best so far). But I think it needs to be moved up in the report – right after the product information. I would start a new section titled Product Description.
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