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EDIT 2 - OR - GSI Halulite Minimalist - Charles Nichols

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  • Michael
    Chuck, Much better on the grammar and spelling, but we still have a few things we need to address. These edits will mostly focus on form, function and content
    Message 1 of 6 , May 2, 2011
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      Chuck,

      Much better on the grammar and spelling, but we still have a few things we need to address. These edits will mostly focus on form, function and content of your report. The edits will follow the same format as the last time.

      > EDIT - Mandatory correction should be made.
      > Edit - Correction should be made, but some discretion is given to the
      author. (Generally if the editor is making a suggestion here, it is a
      good idea to listen until you get a bit more experience).
      > Comment - Is simply just that, a comment and it could be a suggestions
      that isn't necessarily an edit.

      Let's plan on going through this again, so once you have made the adjustments, reports here with the description "REPOST 2" in the subject line as well as posting a new HTML Test file.

      Mike

      ________________________________________

      LOCATION: Corinth, Mississippi

      >>EDIT: Don't forget the United States (we are proud of our country and want to show it!)


      I've hiked a section of the Appalachian
      Trail, Palmetto Trail in South Carolina, Sipsey Wilderness, Alabama, and
      Big Hill Pond State Park in Tennessee. I started out with a 45 lb to 50
      lb (20 to 23 kg) pack .

      >>Edit: My word processing program shows an extra space after pack.


      PRODUCT INFORMATION

      >>EDIT: I would really like to see measured pot capacity here. How much does it hold 2 C, 2.5 C etc… I see that you did incorporate something about this below, but this is a good place to put it also.


      Once we summit Max
      Patch, I began heating 2 c (16 fl oz) cold water for supper in my GSI
      Halulite Minimalist and within 3 - 4 minutes, I had a boil.

      EDIT: You can use Sumitted (even though it really isn't a word). Or if you choose, try "Once we reached the summit of Max Patch, I …"


      After a good meal with my lady and a nice sunset , it
      was time for bed.

      >>Edit: My word processing program shows an extra space after sunset.


      Once
      adding my coffee and sugar to my water, mixing it with my foon, my
      coffee was ready, I put my GSI Halulite Minimalist pot in the sleeve and
      attached the sip-it lid.

      >>Edit: This is a bit of a run on sentence that I would split it into two. Consider the following: "Once adding my coffee and sugar to my water, mixing it with my foon, my coffee was ready. I put my GSI Halulite Minimalist pot in the sleeve and attached the sip-it lid so I could drink directly from the pot." I'll give you some discretion on how you would like to adjust it, but I do think you need a descriptive statement as to why you put the sip it lid on.


      Boiling water in sip-it lid mode ( ready to drink )

      >>Edit: My word processing program shows an extra space before ready and after drink. Also, check you spacing on all of the sections that you used a parentheses, some have spaces while others don't. Typical convention would state not to have a space after the first or before the last; I don't mind either way as long as you are consistent throughout the report.


      Using my GSI Halulite Minimalist went much better on my second AT
      hike..

      >>EDIT: Remove the extra period at the end of the sentence.


      I don't care to use it
      this way because after turning my sip-it lid over ( Image 5) steam drops
      off makes a mess to drink out of if you don't wipe the sip-it lid off.

      >>Edit: This sentence was a little hard for me to read. I think you need "and" after steam drops off, but consider… "I don't care to use it this way because after turning my sip-it lid over ( Image 5) steam drops off and makes a mess unless the sip-it lid is wiped off before drinking from."

      >>Comment: After reading this paragraph in full I'm a little confused, this mode is easier to boil water in, the cooking went smoother but you didn't care for it? Are you trying to say, "one thing I didn't like about this mode is"?


      I've tried boiling water with the sip-it lid turned over in the
      cook/boil mode, as well as the drinking mode, but it works fine both
      way.

      EDIT: way should be "ways"


      If I use it in the sip-it lid mode. I apply enough press to seal
      it. Once ready, I removed my sid-it lid and poured away from my hand and
      the pot gripper to keep from burning my fingers. After fixing my coffee
      I turned the sip-it lid over (drinking mode) and applied a little
      pressure to seal the sip-it lid. If not it will drop on me. Next I put
      my GSI Halulite Minimalist pot in my sleeve ( Image 4) attach my sip-it
      lid and enjoyed my morning coffee.

      >>Edit: This section is a great description of how to use the pot in the sip-it mode. However I think that the placement of this section is out of place. I strongly recommend moving this section up in the order (first). I think it should be right after your header Boiling water in sip-it lid mode ( ready to drink ), the paragraph would flow much better, you describe how to use this mode and then what you think of it.

      >>EDIT: "If I use it in the sip-it lid mode. I apply enough press to seal
      it." Is two fragmented sentences, please use a comma. Also, what are you sealing? The lid obviously, but lets get that descriptor there with "If I use it in the sip-it lid mode, I apply enough press to seal the lid.

      >>EDIT: There is a sid-it lid in there.


      5. Press lid into pot rim - drink,eat and enjoy.

      >>EDIT: You need a space between drink,eat


      I've also used the GSI Halulite Minimalist, two time's car camping at
      the river.

      >>Comment: What river?


      Once the water come to a boil, I used my pot
      gripper to pour the water (away from myself and my fingers) into my
      meal, just like I did on my last two section hike's on the Appalachian
      Trail.

      >>EDIT: Lets take out the (away from myself and my fingers). At this point, if the reader hasn't picked up the proper way to pour without getting scalded, that is their problem, you have previously described the procedure very adequately already.


      I used this same setup each time for next two day's/night's car
      camp as well.

      >>EDIT: Lets revisit this sentence. Are you referring to two different trips of one night or one trip that was two nights? Also – car camp or car camping?


      However, hiking with two hikers, I'm going to need a
      second coffee cup, because the GSI Halulite Minimalist is .6 L ( 20.29
      fl oz ) Pot made for solo cookset. Now, I'm going to pick up a second
      GSI Halulite Minimalist for my girlfriend as a coffee cup or boil/cook
      in if needed. I've only use this GSI Halulite Minimalist to boil water
      in at the time of this review.

      >>EDIT: OK, let's take another stab at this paragraph. I get what you are trying to say, but I think you could combine if you are hiking with someone else and getting a pot for your girlfriend. This also brings up another item that I see (Identified as a separate edit below).

      >>EDIT / Comment: I don't see anywhere where there is a product description. I see Product Information then the report jumps into Field Use and Experience. It would be very helpful to the reader to get a paragraph (in between these two sections) that says this is what this product is. It is a SOLO pot designed for 1 person with an insulated sleeve that has a dual purpose lid with two modes (boil and sip-it). It also comes with a foon and pot grabber. You should also touch on what it is made of (Titanium, aluminum or an alloy) I think something like that is very helpful and helps establish what you are writing about before you engage in describing your experience using the product.


      One thing I don't like about the GSI Halulite Minimalist is the sip-it Lid is hard to get off.

      >>EDIT: This is the only place where lid is capitalized in your report. Remember we want to be consistent, capitalize all or none. Technically, the Sip-It Lid is the proper name of the feature and should be capitalized throughout the report. But as long as you are consistent I'll let you determine if it should be capitalized.


      The second thing I wish GSI outdoors would do is make the "sip" part of the sip-it lid a
      little longer, so I can seal my lips around the sip-it lid and I want
      drip my coffee on me after taking a drink.

      >>Edit: Should want be wont?


      * I can nest all my items (stove,foon,matches,pot gripper,Jetboil fuel
      canister) very nicely in my GSI Halulite Minimalist.

      >>EDIT: Please address the spacing after the comma's…


      * Sip- lid is a little hard to get off
      * Sip-it lid not long enough to seal my lips around it.

      >>EDIT: You have a Sip- lid in there (forgot the "it"). Also, you need a Sip-it lid "is" not…
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