Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

Edit/Approval - Sierra Designs Origami - Derek Hansen

Expand Messages
  • richardglyon
    Derek, Excellent report; I always admire your layouts and photos. A few edits in the standard format; after revising you may upload to
    Message 1 of 2 , Apr 11, 2011
    • 0 Attachment
      Derek,

      Excellent report; I always admire your layouts and photos. A few edits in the standard format; after revising you may upload to http://tinyurl.com/3egjpar Don't forget to delete your Tests/OR folder copy.

      Cheers, Richard

      << Floor sold separately
      MANUFACTURER RECOMMENDATIONS
      "Ultralight tarp is designed to be used with or without the floor (*Floor sold separately) for summer or winter minimalist backpacking adventures.">>
      Edit: The use of "Floor sold separately" twice in close proximity reads a bit awkwardly. It's certainly not necessary. Consider deleting one or the other.

      <<MEASUREMENTS>>
      EDIT: You need to add the listed measurements.

      <<WARRANTY>>
      EDIT: We're not supposed to include lengthy quotes, particularly warranty quotes. The reader can look at the manufacturer's site for himself. Please summarize the warranty in your own words. (E g, "Warranted against defects in workmanship and material. Requires return to the manufacturer.")

      <<On the inside of the tarp on the bottom 5 main tie-outs are plastic clips where the optional floor can be attached.>>
      Edit: Consider spelling out "five."

      <<and a long stuff sack containing the collapsable, adjustable pole. >>
      EDIT: collapsible [spelling]

      << I ended up using this tent only in the Southwest in locations in Northern Arizona and Southern Utah.>>
      Edit/Comment: Why? If by choice or chance, no need to elaborate, but if you did so because of a functional limitation, the reader would like to know about it.

      <<I took the Origami on a backpacking trip into Snow Canyon State Park in Southern Utah at an elevation of 5000 ft (1524 m) and a total of about 6 miles (10 km).>>
      Edit: Unless 5000 ft is exact, consider rounding the metric to 1500 m.

      <<One thing I really like about this tarp is that it is a lightweight solution for sleeping three people. In my case, I can fit myself and four small kids easily.>>
      Edit: This is strictly a style point, and up to you, but any possible confusion could easily be eliminated by changing "people" to "adults."

      << I didn't bring trekking ples and packed the collapsable pole. >>
      EDIT: poles
      EDIT: collapsible

      << The dimensions are just about perfect for a hexagonal tarp, but the
      zipper prevents the tarp from laying flat, which means I had to set the tent up really high>>
      EDIT: lying flat
    • Derek Hansen
      Richard, Thank you for your thorough edits; always a pleasure to work with you (very good catches on the edits too)! I ve edited the report, uploaded the
      Message 2 of 2 , Apr 11, 2011
      • 0 Attachment
        Richard,

        Thank you for your thorough edits; always a pleasure to work with you (very good catches on the edits too)! I've edited the report, uploaded the final, and removed the test.

        Thanks again,

        ~derek


        On Apr 11, 2011, at 8:45 AM, richardglyon wrote:

        > Excellent report; I always admire your layouts and photos. A few edits in the standard format; after revising you may upload to http://tinyurl.com/3egjpar Don't forget to delete your Tests/OR folder copy.
      Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.