EDIT Owner Review - Gregory Tarne 36 Pack- Mark
- Hello Mark,
Thank you for your Owner Review, your initial edits will follow. They will take the following format;
EDIT: must be changed
Edit: should be changed but will be left to your discretion
Comment: just that or something to think about
When you have made the changes please repost here with REPOST added to the subject line. Include your name also please. And since you are using the Report WQriter and have the HTML already you can place the HTML copy in the Owner Review Test Folder. It is found at the end of the list of reviews on the main page or here;
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One thing before I start. We normally advise writers to start with something easy. Packs, tents and stoves are considered harder as they have so much to detail. Since you have already revised this I am going to go ahead with it but don't be surprised or discouraged by the amount of edits. Take a look at some of the pack reviews from veteran members to see what is expected. (I have a few of them ;-)
EDIT: you bio is a bit over our 100-word limit. Please try to tighten it up a bit.
EDIT: their name is Gregory Mountain Products
EDIT: if the MSRP is not on the manufacturer's website we just mark this as N/A
***Measured Weight: ?? oz (?? g)
EDIT: you need to weigh this (post office is easiest if you do not own a scale).
***Pack size: 2319 cu in, (38L)
EDIT: please state that yours is a size Large
***Tester Pack Color: Obsidian
EDIT: you are reviewing this pack, not testing it. Please change this to "Reviewed Color" (or just plain "color") so as not to confuse the readers.
***The Gregory Tarne 36 Pack is hydration compatible and designed for the longer
day hike or in colder temperatures.
Edit: this is fine but what makes it a winter pack?
***It's weight is healthy, but lends to it's large capacity and comfort.
EDIT: "its" not it's. And how does weight lend to capacity? I have a lot of packs that weigh less yet have as much or more capacity.
***The Tarne 36 has one main zippered compartment (with hydration bladder sleeve),
two smaller zippered compartments, two non-zippered mesh pockets (designed for
EDIT: where are all these compartments and pockets located?
*** the pack has four gear loops (for ice axe or similar equipment).
Edit: I see two, one one each side of the lower pack face. Where are the others?
***The hydration sleeve is designed to accommodate a variety of bladders, and
includes two hooks (for hydrapak style)
EDIT: Hydrapak (with a cap)
*** There is a central exit point between the shoulder straps for the port
EDIT: the tube (or hose) is not called "port". The hole in the pack it goes through is the port. But exit point works too. Just delete port from the tube description.
***The uppermost compartment makes for easy access
Comment: at some point (probably earlier) you should make mention that this pack is a panel-loader, or front-loader. (As opposed to being a top-loader.)
***and I have designated it to carry my first aid kit,
EDIT: first-aid kit
*** The second smaller compartment runs along the back of the pack and provides easy access if you are not attaching additional gear to the outside of the pack.
EDIT: We keep everything in the first person, no "you"s, just "me" and "I". Here is my canned explanation.
"When you tighten the laces on the boots, you pull the shoestrings in an out and upward motion. Then you tie it with a double knot and you are ready to go down the trail."
This is a very common way to write, but in doing so we just said what "other people" would do, not our self. This is projecting our thoughts onto the reader. We do not know how other people tie their shoes. We keep away from "you" and "your" in our writing.
We are writing a review of "our" gear based on "our" experiences. So we need to keep it in the first person. Here is how it should look;
"When I tighten the laces on the boots, I pull the shoestrings in an out and upward motion. Then I tie it with a double knot and I'm ready to go down the trail."
***The shoulder straps are especially well designed, featuring a floating
adjustment strap (for superb maneuverability and comfort)
Comment: I am not sure what you mean by this. And if I am confused I am pretty sure the readers will be as well. Also the hip belt is not part of the shoulder straps. You may want to refer to this:
*** The pack frame is covered with a solid pad (vice mesh) which prevents snow accumulation.
Comment: it is called a foam backpanel
***The bottom of the pack features a reinforced bottom (for all the times you set the pack down in the dirt).
EDIT: the "you" thing again
*** I tend to have difficulty finding equipment that fits properly, this pack is exceptionally comfortable due to it's superb suspension system.
***I have used the pack on every excursion I have taken since purchase and have
accumulated over 100 trail miles on 7 - 10 trips in various weather conditions
on several different trails with varying terrain.
EDIT: please list the types of terrain along with elevations used (i.e. "from 5,00 ft to 14,000+ ft") and the temperatures range. Also list conditions. Any rain or snow?
***I finally had the opportunity to test the pack on the Colorado Trail.
EDIT: to "use" the pack
Edit: it is fine to mention a single trip but you need to give a review of the pack in total. You want to give your thoughts on what works and doesn't over the entire usage period. Is it easy to attach snowshoes? Do you ever use water bottles, and if so are they easy to access?
***I started my hike at Kenosha Pass (elev. 10,000'/3,048m) and headed west. The
route covered 10 miles (6.2km) and appx 1,000' (304m) of elevation change.
EDIT: needs spaces at all the numbers (3,048 m) and you need metric conversions for the mileages. (Look for all instances please.)
*** (10-15 mph/ 16 - 24 kph)
16-24 "km/h" or "kmph"
***I reluctantly donned the snow shoes,
***THINGS I LIKE
EDIT: you already listed a Pros & Cons section. These should be combined as it is just another way of saying the same thing.