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Re: EDIT/Approval - Mammut Ultimate Hoody - Mike Williams

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  • richardglyon
    To my editorial colleagues, The report that I edited was message 79053, http://tinyurl.com/yclxft9. Richard
    Message 1 of 5 , Apr 19 11:35 AM
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      To my editorial colleagues,

      The report that I edited was message 79053, http://tinyurl.com/yclxft9.

      Richard


      --- In BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com, "richardglyon" <montana.angler@...> wrote:
      >
      > Mike ,
      >
      > Excellent review, and special thanks for adding a new manufacturer to BGT's roster. A few edits below, in the standard format; after revising you may upload at http://tinyurl.com/y4paz8t
      >
      > Cheers, Richard
      >
      > <<TESTER INFORMATION>>
      > EDIT: It's customary (and very helpful to our readers) to add particular personal measurements that are pertinent to the product review. That's especially true here, as you discuss why you purchased an XXL. Please add sleeve length, torso length, and chest and waist measurements to this section.
      >
      > <<I have owned the Mammut Ultimate Hoody for 9 months and have used it extensively>>
      > Edit: A style point and totally up to you, but when using single-digit numbers in text it is easier to read spelled-out numbers ("nine months"). Consider revising here and elsewhere in your report.
      >
      > <<as well as in a full blizzard that had gusts up to 50 mph (xx km/h). >>
      > EDIT: 80 km/hr
      >
      > <<The jacket has been exposed to light rain and snow fall to full storms with heavy wet snow.>>
      > Edit: Snow storms, rain storms, or both? Especially with a softshell, the reader might like to know.
      >
      > <<The main zipper, which is a left hand zipper (the opposite when compared to most US men's jackets) is a two way>>
      > Edit: two-way [with a hyphen]
      >
      > <<The most distinguishable feature of this hoody are the full length pit zips that span elbow to hem.>>
      > EDIT: distinguishing feature
      > EDIT: is the full length ["feature" takes a singular verb]
      >
      > <<These one way zippers>>
      > Edit: one-way [with a hyphen]
      >
      > <<Both pockets can be zipped closed with zippers that have the same zipper pulls that are included with the pit zips. >>
      > EDIT: same type of zipper pulls [I doubt that the same pull undoes both a pit zip and a pocket.]
      >
      > <<The jacket fits well however it is a little large and I sized up to
      > accommodate European sizing that runs smaller than US sizing resulting with sleeves that are a little long and the jacket is a tad baggy. >>
      > Edit: This sentence is somewhat confusing; consider making it two or three sentences. You could send a sentence after "a little large," for example or after "a little long."
      >
      > << I prefer the fit of the jacket as it allow me to add layers >>
      > EDIT: allows me [singular verb]
      >
      > <<The Windstopper material breaths adequately, however the core venting of the pit zips are phenomenal in temperature regulation.>>
      > EDIT: breathes adequately [spelling]
      > EDIT: is phenomenal ["core venting" takes a singular verb.]
      >
      > << Rain and snow shed off of the jacket and I have only had to switch to a hard shell jack once while using this hoody.>>
      > EDIT: jacket
      >
      > <<The durability of the soft-shell material is the only thing that I question
      > about the jacket. strong hook-and-loop closures such as gloves have been
      > getting snagged on the material>>
      > EDIT: Strong hook {Upper case to start the sentence.]
      >
      > <<but it makes me wonder how long it will last as well as second guess it use on bushwhacking trips.>>
      > Edit: second-guess [with a hyphen]
      > EDIT: its use
      >
      > <<I hate the left handed main zipper (it is awkward for me)>>
      > Comment: I do too. My Norrøna jacket (from Norway) has one, and I'm not used to it after ten months.
      >
      > << Shorter sleeves & cuffs (I don't use the thumb loops)>>
      > Edit: sleeves and cuffs [Strictly speaking, the ampersand isn't appropriate in text.]
      >
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