Re: Edit/Approval - Outsak Backpacking Storage Bag - Chad Poindexter
Thanks again for your time and edits. The changes have been made and the final OR has been uploaded to the link that you have provided.
Another one down, so many more to go.....
--- In BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com, "richardglyon" <rlyon@...> wrote:
> Chad, Excellent Review, and very helpful photographs. Some edits in the usual format: EDIT is a required change, Edit a suggested change, and Comment a comment with no change required. After revising you may upload to http://tinyurl.com/y9f2r6w
> Thanks for keeping the Ors coming after qualifying to test. Cheers, Richard
> <<OUTSAK ANIMAL RESISTANT[Backpacking] STORAGE BAG>>
> EDIT: Looks like its manufacturer calls it OUTSACK BACKPACKING STORAGE BAG.
> <<Manufacturer: Simple Outdoor Store, LLC>>
> EDIT: The manufacturer's proper name is Simple Outdoor Solutions.
> << The Outsak is marketed as a stainless steel interlocking wire mesh bag with a super strong closure and reinforced stitching,>>
> Edit: super-strong [with a hyphen]
> << This is all discussed in greater detail and even includes instructional videos at <<HYPERLINK GOES HERE -"http://www.simpleoutdoorstore.com/FAQ.html" LINK TEXT = "Simple Outdoor Store FAQ's">>.
> EDIT: We only allow links to the reviewer's personal backpacking site and the manufacturer's home page. Please delete the link and change the text to something like "instructional videos on the manufacturer's website."
> <<I feel obligated here to include the United States Postal Services (USPS) service as well>>
> Edit: "obliged" is better than "obligated"
> << Located in the upper right corner, on the same side as the patch, is a single, gray-colored, piece of nylon>>
> Edit: You could delete the last two commas without changing meaning.
> << There is also a smaller, 1.25 in (3 cm) gray-colored, heavy-duty, strip of nylon running across the bottom of the bag that seals the bottom of the bag.>>
> Edit: Same edit Second and third commas are unnecessary.
> << Yet again, reinforced stitching is used here as well.>>
> EDIT: Using "Yet again" and "as well" is redundant. Delete one of them.
> <<Thier were lots of pine trees around so I had lots of good places to choose from to hang my Outsak.>>
> EDIT: There were [spelling]
> << however there was a dew during the early morning hours.>>
> Edit: Here and in a couple of other places you refer to "a dew." I've never seen or heard of "a dew," only "dew." And one of my best backpacking buddies is originally from Mississippi! However if that's how common English where you live, OK to keep it.
> <<The selection of branches weren't as abundant as on my prior trip>>
> EDIT: wasn't as abundant ["selection" takes a singular verb.]
> << Stuffed inside the Outsak was 5 + days worth of meals, snacks, and GORP, for 2 people, a rather large first-aid kit, a hygiene kit, an emergency kit, two 32 oz (907 g) Gatorade bottles, my stove, a 1.8 L (110 cu in) cook pot, two bowls with lids, two sporks, an 8 oz (227 g) fuel canister, a windscreen, a Bic lighter, a .75 L (25 oz) Camelbak Better Bottle, two aluminum mugs, all our trash and our hankies.>>
> EDIT: Stuffed inside the Outsack were [plural verb]
> Comment: Wow!
> << I never saw a squirrel, nor evidence of a squirrels presence.>>
> EDIT: squirrel's [possessive with an apostrophe]
> <<Even though I have only used the Outsak barely a handful of times>>
> Edit: Another redundancy ("only" and "barely"). Consider deleting one or the other.