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EDIT-Coleman Inyo 2 tent - Zachary Huang

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  • richardglyon
    Hi Zachary, I have been assigned to edit your second Owner Review. Before getting to specific edits I will address a couple of overarching matters. As this is
    Message 1 of 2 , Nov 23, 2009
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      Hi Zachary,
      I have been assigned to edit your second Owner Review. Before getting to specific edits I will address a couple of overarching matters. As this is not your first OR, photographs are required. They would really help your report too. While you have accurately described your tent a reader would get a much better idea of various attributes (such as vestibule area, height, tunnel style) with a picture or two.

      Second, all your apostrophes and a few quotation marks appear as Õ and Ó, respectively, in the html version that you posted. That will have to be fixed before posting to anywhere except the Tests/OR folder can be authorized. Technical help is available from our sister list, BGTWeb, or you may request a mentor.

      As the text of your report is in good shape I am going to proceed with specific edits. I use the standard BGT conventions: EDIT (all caps) is a required change, Edit (initial cap) a suggested change or something that needs re-working, and Comment a comment, with no change required. When you have revised as directed, please repost the plain text to this list with "REPOST," the product name, and your name in the title, and post the html version with photographs in the Tests/Owner Reviews folder. Cheers, Richard

      <<November, 02,2009>>
      EDIT: Delete the comma after "November"
      EDIT: Add a space after "02,"

      <<the.painting.accident@...>>
      Edit: Consider writing this out [the DOT painting DOT accident AT gmail DOT com, or some such] to deter spammers.

      <<Shelter type: 3 season 2 man tent>>
      Edit: 2-man [with a hyphen] Here and elsewhere in your report.

      <<I progressively moved on to weeklong trips and months abroad in foreign countries.>>
      Edit: "abroad in foreign countries" is redundant. Consider deleting "in foreign countries"

      <<msrp $110.00 (discontinued)>>
      EDIT: $110.00 US [We have foreign readers, and several other countries use dollars as currency.]

      <<MFG Measurements:>>
      EDIT: Manufacturer's Measurements
      EDIT: We require your measurements for floor dimensions and pack weight.

      << The Inyo 2 was my first tent purchase as a budget lightweight backpacker; I picked mine up for an unheard of $75.>>
      EDIT: The only price allowed in BGT reviews and test series is the MSRP, so you must delete the "$75." You could make your point with something like "I picked mine up at a significant discount off the already-low MSRP."

      << the logo for their exponent series.>>
      EDIT: Exponent series ["Exponent" is a trademark and must be used exactly as the manufacturer does, with an initial cap.]

      <<The Inyo 2 has been with me for over 2 years now and I could not have been happier.>>
      Edit: Single-digit numbers in regular text read better when spelled out. Consider "two years."

      << The tent has traveled with me all over the country and into china.>>
      EDIT: China [initial cap]

      <<IÕve slept nights ranging from 90F-45F and at all times IÕve been warm. The Inyo 2 has withstood 50mph + winds on mountain tops,>>
      EDIT: Need centigrade conversions for the temperatures and metric for mph.

      <<The highest point of the Inyo 2 allows you to sit up in the tent which is great for rainy nights. The two pole wedge design allows the Inyo 2 to be highly resistant to wind (so long as you set it up as a wedge into the wind) and lightweight>>
      EDIT: Use of the second person ("you" or "your") raises a red flag with us editors. We don't allow "projection" – reporting on another's reaction or likely reaction to something. This is close to the line, and I think you should change "you" to "I" in both places.

      <<The factory taped seams did begin to peel this last month and was removed and resealed with seam sealer.>>
      EDIT: were removed ["seams" takes a plural verb.]
      Edit: Active voice reads better than passive, so consider ending the first sentence after "last month" and changing the remainder to "I removed them and resealed with seam sealer."

      <<taped rather than seam sealed seams>>
      Edit: seam-sealed [with a hyphen]
    • richardglyon
      Zachary, Only a few edits, but you still need photographs. As I stated in my earlier edit message, photographs are required in every Owner Review except the
      Message 2 of 2 , Dec 1, 2009
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        Zachary, Only a few edits, but you still need photographs. As I stated in my earlier edit message, photographs are required in every Owner Review except the first. I can't approve your review until you add some.

        Specific edits are in the same format as before: EDIT is a required change, Edit a suggested change, and Comment a comment with no change required.

        When you have added photos and revised as directed, please repost the plain text to this list with "REPOST," the product name, and your name in the title, and post the html version with photographs in the Tests/Owner Reviews folder. Cheers, Richard

        <<Floor dimensions: 89" by 53"
        Center Height: 40.75">>
        EDIT: Need metric conversions.

        <<The earlier version only had one pole, was lighter but suffered from a cramped foot box and water pooling at the front of the tent.>>
        EDIT: Delete the comma and add "and" before "was lighter."
        << The body is comprised of mainly mesh panels and a bathtub style floor, with taped seams in both the tent and the rainfly.>>
        Edit: bathtub-style [with a hyphen]

        <<The Inyo 2 is very easy to set up with only two poles (both color coded) and a combination of pole sleeves/clips. >>
        Edit: color-coded [with a hyphen]

        <<As advertised the Inyo 2 provides ample room for the lightweight backpackers.>>
        Edit: I think you meant to say "for two lightweight backpackers."
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