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EDIT: Owner review/ Mountain Hardwear Lamina 45/ Zachary Huang

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  • themiddlesister1951
    I have been assigned to edit your Owner s Review. This appears to be your very first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing for BGT takes practice
    Message 1 of 4 , Nov 8, 2009
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      I have been assigned to edit your Owner's Review. This appears to be your
      very first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing for BGT takes
      practice and you needn't be discouraged by the editing process. If it seems
      "greek" to you, you might want to check in with the BGT mentoring program
      where eager volunteers will help you master the process of writing ORs,
      applying for tests and writing test reports. It's a great
      program and I really think it would be helpful for you to contact
      Jenn K at mentor@... before proceeding.

      Since this is your first review (a very good start) and there are more than a couple edits, I
      would like you to REPOST your OR to the list when you have made the edits.
      When you repost, make sure that you have in the subject line "REPOST: Owner
      Review – Product Name – Your Name". Your name always
      needs to be in the subject line for reviews, reports, edits, etc.

      Also, after the corrections, you need to upload your HTML file to the Owner
      Review test folder so I can check out your HTML. When you repost, you must
      put a link in the e-mail to that file location so I can view the uploaded
      file. Actually, the HTML file must always be uploaded to the OR Test folder and the URL of that file must be posted in your email text posting to the list.

      At that time, I'll check out the HTML and, if all is OK, give you the go ahead to upload. Please remember to use "REPOST" when you report the plain text of your corrected OR to the list.

      My list of edits follows. Let me know if you don't understand anything I've
      written.

      Conventionally the following terms are used in the editing process:
      *** EDIT: you must fix this to comply with BackpackGearTest standards
      [because the Editor says so!]
      *** Edit: you should seriously consider fixing this in some way [unless you
      seriously object with good reason]
      *** Comment: usually just that, although you might want to make a change of
      some sort as a result.

      Kathy Waters
      BGT Owner Review Editor
      ______________________________________________________________________

      5'10" (178cm)
      EDIT: Spacing need to be inserted between all numerals and their written abbreviations for measurements. There needs to be a space also between the feet and inches measurements. Spaces are NOT needed between the numerals and the symbols for feet and inches. So this should read – "5' 10" (178 cm)".

      Background:

      Typical pack weight: 35-45 lbs (16-21 kg)
      Pack style: Light-medium weight
      Types of travel: Extended trips abroad, 3-5 day hikes
      Shelter type: 3 season 2 man tent
      Special Activities: Black and White Film Photography

      Backpacking background: I began backpacking and hiking 4 years ago starting with
      overnighters and weekend trips. I progressively moved on to weeklong trips and
      months abroad in foreign countries. I travel mostly in temperate climates and
      pack as light as possible. I currently attend school on the east coast of the US
      so I've encountered various terrains in all seasons.
      COMMENT: I like how you did the background. Very nice and concise! Just one suggestion and that would be to put the work "Backpacking" before your header "Background" and delete the phrase "Backpacking background" in the beginning of the paragraph. I think it would read better, but it is your choice.

      Lamina 45 – msrp (Reg) $120.00
      Manufacturer: Mountain Hardwear
      Year of Manufacturer: 2008
      www.mountainhardwear.com
      EDIT: "MSRP" should be capitalized as are all acronyms
      Edit: Conventionally here at BGT, the MSRP is places on a separate line, also, Lamina 45 would have a label of "Model: Lamina 45" and the website would either be labeled as "URL: www…" or "Website: www…" and be clickable (the clickable part is mandatory).

      Upon receiving my lamina 45 in the mail I was instantly impressed
      by the overall construction, feel, and compressibility of the sleeping bag.
      EDIT: Capitalize "Lamina".

      Actual Weight: 1lb. 11 oz. /788g
      EDIT: Add a space between "788" and "g".

      Description:
      EDIT: This is a great piece of information, but it is not a "description" of the product as is required. The Product Description section of an OR is used to paint a picture of what the product actually looks like. What color it is, what the outside/lining is made of, how the zipper is constructed, any features, like a drawcord, hood, etc. Imagine the reader of your OR doesn't have a graphic of the item and make sure your words create the picture of the item.

      You should not delete this section (it's good info) but move it into a "Performance in the Field" section as I explained below.

      The ripstop nylon is amazingly supple to sleep in and the thermic micro
      provides great loft.
      EDIT: Is "thermic micro" a trademark, a decryption or what? Is there a word missing? I don't understand what you are saying here. Please explain.

      The sleeping bag comes with both a compression stuff sack and a large
      mesh storage sack both adorned with the mountain hardwear logo.
      EDIT: Capitalize "Mountain Hardwear". If the logo is not capitalized on the product and that is what you want to convey, put the words in quotes.

      Field Test
      EDIT: This is an "Owner Review" so "Field Test" is inappropriate as you were not "testing" the gear, you were "using" it in the field.

      EDIT: The information you have in this section is generally broken into two different sections – one being "Locations and Conditions" and the other "Performance in the Field". "Locations and Conditions" would have the information as to a rough idea of how much you used it, where you used it, what the conditions were, etc. You covered that info, nicely. The "Performance in the Field" would be where you tell – well, how it worked (or didn't) for you. This is where the information you have in your "Description" should go.

      Temperatures encountered ranged from 100F-50F.
      EDIT: You need a space between the number and the "F" and you need metric conversions.

      Not only did it keep me more than comfortable on
      cold nights at 5,000 ft but it also acted, as a plush blanket on hot windy
      nights zipped open.
      EDIT: Ditto, metric conversions.

      The lamina 45 is a lightweight, warm, roomy sleeping bag both intelligently and
      practically designed
      EDIT: Capitalize "Lamina".
    • chcoa
      KATHY - Zachary Huang(2) †Mountain Hardwear Lamina 45 Sleeping Bag - Posted Nov 2(msg# 78405), Taken Nov 8, Edit Nov 8 (78418), Repost Nov 8, Edit Nov 9
      Message 2 of 4 , Jan 8, 2010
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        KATHY - Zachary Huang(2) â€" Mountain Hardwear Lamina 45 Sleeping Bag - Posted Nov 2(msg# 78405), Taken Nov 8, Edit Nov 8 (78418), Repost Nov 8, Edit Nov 9 (78429), Repost Nov 10 / waiting for tech help, Repost Dec 7, Edit/Approved Dec 20(78619), follow up sent Jan 8
        -------
        Hi Zachary,

        After reviewing our edit queue I noticed you have not uploaded this approved report. Anything we help with to get it done?

        Let me know what your plans are.
        Thanks,
        Jamie D.
        BGT Edit Admin Manager
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