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EDTI: Smith Toaster Slider sunglasses, Susan Heller

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  • theMiddleSister@usaring.com
    Susan, Welcome to BGT! I have been assigned to edit your Owner s Review. This appears to be your very first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 21, 2009
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      Welcome to BGT!

      I have been assigned to edit your Owner's Review. This appears to be your very first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing for BGT takes practice and you needn't be discouraged by the editing process. If it seems "greek" to you, you might want to check in with the BGT mentoring program where eager volunteers will help you master the process of writing ORs,
      applying for tests and writing test reports. It's a great
      program and if you think it would be helpful for you, contact Jenn E at mentor@... before proceeding.

      Since this is your first review (and a great first effort!) and there are more than a couple edits, I would like you to REPOST your OR to the list when you have made the edits. When you repost, make sure that you have in the subject line "REPOST: Owner Review - Product Name - Your Name". Your name always needs to be in the subject line for reviews, reports, edits, etc. Also, after the corrections, you need to upload your HTML file to the Owner Review test folder so I can check out your HTML. When you repost, you must put a link in the e-mail to that file location so I can view the uploaded

      Actually, the HTML file must always be uploaded to the OR Test folder and the URL of that file must be posted in your email text posting to the list.

      In the case of your OR here, because of some Yahooisms in the posting, I really can't understand a lot of words. Had you posted the HTML, I could have worked with that instead.

      When you repost with the HTML link, I'll check out the HTML and, if all is OK, give you the go ahead to upload. Please remember to use "REPOST" when you report the plain text of your corrected OR to the list.

      My list of edits follows. Let me know if you don't understand anything I've written.

      Conventionally the following terms are used in the editing process:
      *** EDIT: you must fix this to comply with BackpackGearTest standards [because the Editor says so!]
      *** Edit: you should seriously consider fixing this in some way [unless you seriously object with good reason]
      *** Comment: usually just that, although you might want to make a change of some sort as a result.

      Kathy Waters
      BGT Owner Review Editor


      Smith Toaster Slider sunglasses, Susan Heller

      EDIT: Standard header for an Owner Review is as follows -

      Manufacture and Product Name


      by Reviewer Name

      Date of Review

      Height: 5'9" (1.75 m)

      EDIT: Add a space between 5' and 9" ( 5' 9" )

      The frames themselves are made from Grilamid TR90,
      â?oan exceedingly light and durable plastic that will maintain its
      shape under all temperature changes,â? and the â?o9 Base
      Curveâ? frame design ensures a â?omaximum amount of
      wrap,� which is great for people with narrower faces, like me, or
      for those who like a snugger, wraparound-type fit.

      EDIT: Couple of EDITS here. Ignoring the Yahooisms, this sentence is very long. Please break it up a bit so it is easier to understand. Secondly, all Owner Reviews and test reports are to reflect the writer's own experiences ONLY - so if the frame maintained its shape while you wore it in hot temperature, say so. If you are only quoting the manufacturer and have no personal experience say that. Write the wrap is great for your narrow face, but don't tell the reader that is is great for them. Telling the reader what they can expect is not always an accurate prediction and here at BGT, that's called "projection" and a major no-no. <g>

      The Toaster Slider sunglasses fit 17 different lenses, ...

      EDIT/COMMENT: Do the sunglasses come with all 17 lenses, do you get a certain selection of them or what? I think you need to clarify that here. Also, since you are only going to really expound on some of the lenses - which I don't see as any problem - I think you need to at least list all 17 lenses somewher. You can either do it as a list in a sentence or put it up in the manufacturer's info at the top of the report.

      Of the 17 lens options, 5 are are polarized, which is a huge plus for water-sports-loving people, or for hiking near lakes or on glaciers.

      EDIT: Delete the extra "are" and re-word to reflect your experiences, no projection.

      The frames, which are 1.375 in (3.49 cm) tall, are composed of Grilamid,
      a flexible, sturdy, and lightweight plastic material.

      EDIT: Generally we keep measurement to a decimal place that is reasonable given the measurement. At least keep the Imperial and Metric measurements the same. For all practical purposes here, 1.4 in and 3.5 cm would be sufficient.

      The Toaster Sliderâ?Ts width and overall size is perfect
      for people who, like me, have faces that are narrow enough to wear some
      junior-sized bike and ski helmets, and who look like theyâ?Tre
      playing dress up when they try on most sunglasses. . Iâ?Tm not
      saying that people with â?onormalâ?-sized heads wonâ?Tt
      be able to wear these glasses, but they are probably better suited for
      people with narrower facial profiles.

      EDIT: While I personally love the writing style, you need to reword to reflect your experience.

      As far as the lenses are concerned, of the three lens types I am going
      to review, the ones I wear the most frequently and the ones I am going
      to spend the most time reviewing are entitled â?oPolarized Sienna

      EDIT: This sentence seems to be repetitive. I think you could safely delete the whole first phrase after the first comma (of the three lens types I am going to review).

      They were also far too bright for my preference, and I felt
      like I was looking straight into a flashlight, although the average
      person probably has eyes a little less sensitive than I do. . The
      rose/copper-colored RC30 lenses are general, all-around sunglass lens,
      and while they may work for people with less sensitive eyes,

      EDIT: Reword to avoid projection.

      Sometimes when I am running or
      doing other fast-moving sports, the glasses jiggle slightly and inch
      down my nose, but after pushing them up, Iâ?Tm good to for another
      half hour or so.

      EDIT: I think you are missing "go" between "good to" and "for".

      Even more of a
      problem than the case itself, though, is the removable lens pouch that
      can be fastened to the inside of the case with two Velcro straps.

      EDIT: Does the manufacturer use the word "Velcro"? That is a trademarked name and should only be used if it is actually known to be Velcro. If you don't know, use "hook and loop fasteners".

      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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