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Edit/Approval- Gregory Z30 Cheryl McMurray

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  • richardglyon
    Cheryl, Thanks and good job. Just a few nits below, in the same format: EDIT is a required change, Edit a suggested change, Comment a comment. After revising
    Message 1 of 1 , May 28, 2009
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      Cheryl, Thanks and good job. Just a few nits below, in the same format: EDIT is a required change, Edit a suggested change, Comment a comment. After revising you may upload to http://tinyurl.com/pbxadp Be sure to delete your Tests/OR folder copy. Cheers, Richard

      < I have camped in snow, freezing temperatures, winds (once was gale force), but mostly fair weather encounters so far.>
      Edit: Your meaning is clear, so no change required, but for proper grammar you should delete "encounters."

      <The strap adjustments include side compression straps (two on each side), chest strap, waist belt, shoulder straps, load lifters, and hip stabilizers.>
      Edit: What you call a chest strap is usually called a "sternum strap."

      <It has two side elastic pockets that will carry a one liter water bottle and/or thermos of coffee>
      Edit: one-liter [with a hyphen]Look for this elsewhere in your review if you decide to change.

      < There is also a zipper on the upper inside main compartment through which one can access the frame but is very small.>
      EDIT: but it is very small

      <This day hike was 14 mi (22.5 km) and 4,400 ft (1300 m) elevation
      gain>
      EDIT: Add a period at the end of this sentence.

      < Due to the curved mesh backing of the pack, it produces a curve inside the main compartment that makes accessing items in the lower area difficult when using a 3 liter hydration bladder.>
      Edit: This sentence is a bit awkward. Consider "The curved mesh backing of the pack produces a curve inside the main compartment . . ."

      <I have used this day pack on every 3 season hike I have taken since my purchase in 2007.>
      Edit: 3-season [with a hyphen] As above.

      <I don't use this in winter as I feel it is too small for extra winter clothing, ice axe, crampon, and possibly snowshoes.>
      EDIT: crampons [plural]
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