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EDIT/Approval: Mountain Hardwear Phantom +15 Sleeping Bag - Peter Spiller

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  • Roger Caffin
    EDIT/Approval: Mountain Hardwear Phantom +15 Sleeping Bag - Peter Spiller Hi Peter OK, pretty good. I have a couple of comments for you to consider, after
    Message 1 of 2 , Mar 6, 2008
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      EDIT/Approval: Mountain Hardwear Phantom +15 Sleeping Bag - Peter Spiller

      Hi Peter

      OK, pretty good. I have a couple of comments for you to consider, after
      which you are clear to upload this OR to
      http://www.backpackgeartest.org/reviews/Sleep%20Gear/Sleeping%20Bags/Mountain%20Hardwear%20Phantom%20%2015/

      You still have a few redundant commas scattered through the text. They don't
      cause real problems, but perhaps you could go through the text and ask
      yourself at each one whether it is really necessary. Very often it won't be.
      (Common problem actually.)

      You use 'pull cord' in several places. This is OK, although I would have
      written 'pull-cord' myself. This is a style issue and is entirely up to you
      however: it is not an edit requirement.

      In the HTML under biography you have blank lines between each text line. It
      would be nice if you could remove these. Ditto for Product Information, and
      indeed in a few other places between sections. Again, this is 'nice', not
      'required'.

      Personally, I question the need for the internal URLs under User Experience.
      I am not sure they contribute anything as the reader will have already been
      through the Field Locations section. Again, this is only a comment, not a
      requirement. We are happy to have YOUR style in your ORs.

      > Its 800-fill power down in encased in
      EDIT: is encased

      > interior of the bag features a down filled draft collar near the neck
      Edit: down-filled

      Cheers
      Roger Caffin
      BGT EDitor
    • phspiller
      Roger, Thanks for all the help on this Owner Review. I took your advice, and went through and edited the commas, and was surprised as to how much extraneous
      Message 2 of 2 , Mar 8, 2008
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        Roger,

        Thanks for all the help on this Owner Review. I took your advice, and
        went through and edited the commas, and was surprised as to how much
        extraneous punctuation I had added.

        I would like to explain my reasoning for the internal links, as I feel
        they are a valuable addition for many readers. While the links do
        nothing for someone who is reading the document in a linear fashion
        (as you indicated), the do not hurt the readability. The addition of
        HTML (internal links) to the document allows for so much more. I am
        one of those readers who does not often read reviews in a linear
        manner and use the links on the top of the page to get to the
        information I am most interested in. I usually read the field reports
        first, and often wonder what the conditions were like during the trip
        I am reading. I then scroll up to the field conditions section to get
        this info, and then scroll back to the field report. I then will then
        read the product description, and wonder how similar the tester is ,in
        dimension, to me. I will scroll to the bio section to find out. By
        anticipating these needs, and using internal links to make it easier
        to navigate a document in a non-linear manner while maintaining the
        linear formatting of the document, you will serve more readers.

        This is the beauty of the format of the reviews in backpackgeartest.org.


        Thank again for all the help.

        Peter




        --- In BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com, "Roger Caffin" <r.caffin@...>
        wrote:
        >
        > EDIT/Approval: Mountain Hardwear Phantom +15 Sleeping Bag - Peter
        Spiller
        >
        > Hi Peter
        >
        > OK, pretty good. I have a couple of comments for you to consider, after
        > which you are clear to upload this OR to
        >
        http://www.backpackgeartest.org/reviews/Sleep%20Gear/Sleeping%20Bags/Mountain%20Hardwear%20Phantom%20%2015/
        >
        > You still have a few redundant commas scattered through the text.
        They don't
        > cause real problems, but perhaps you could go through the text and ask
        > yourself at each one whether it is really necessary. Very often it
        won't be.
        > (Common problem actually.)
        >
        > You use 'pull cord' in several places. This is OK, although I would
        have
        > written 'pull-cord' myself. This is a style issue and is entirely up
        to you
        > however: it is not an edit requirement.
        >
        > In the HTML under biography you have blank lines between each text
        line. It
        > would be nice if you could remove these. Ditto for Product
        Information, and
        > indeed in a few other places between sections. Again, this is
        'nice', not
        > 'required'.
        >
        > Personally, I question the need for the internal URLs under User
        Experience.
        > I am not sure they contribute anything as the reader will have
        already been
        > through the Field Locations section. Again, this is only a comment,
        not a
        > requirement. We are happy to have YOUR style in your ORs.
        >
        > > Its 800-fill power down in encased in
        > EDIT: is encased
        >
        > > interior of the bag features a down filled draft collar near the neck
        > Edit: down-filled
        >
        > Cheers
        > Roger Caffin
        > BGT EDitor
        >
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