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RE: [BackpackGearTest] EDIT: OR - Mary Jane Crocs-Mary Ann Hayman

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  • MaryAnn Hayman
    Thank you for looking at my Owner Review. I am leaving today for a winter camping trip until Tuesday afternoon so I will not be able to start changes until
    Message 1 of 2 , Mar 6 6:07 AM
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      Thank you for looking at my Owner Review. I am leaving today for a winter camping trip until Tuesday afternoon so I will not be able to start changes until the end of next week. I will try to contact a mentor at the address that you gave. Mary Ann Hayman

      To: BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.comFrom: TheMiddleSister@...: Wed, 5 Mar 2008 15:53:22 -0700Subject: [BackpackGearTest] EDIT: OR - Mary Jane Crocs-Mary Ann Hayman

      Mary Ann,I have been assigned to edit your Owner's Review. This appears to be yourvery first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing for BGT takespractice and you needn't be discouraged by the editing process. If it seems"greek" to you, you might want to check in with the BGT mentoring programwhere eager volunteers will help you master the process of writing ORs,applying for tests and writing test reports. It's a great program and I really think it would be helpful for you to contact Jenn E at mentor@... before proceeding.If you would rather not use the mentoring program, I will work with you in a couple of steps. This post will give you some basic edits first. When you have made these initial edits (or contacted and worked with a mentor), I would like you to REPOST your OR to the list. When you repost, make sure that you have in the subject line "REPOST: Owner Review - Product Name - Your Name". Your name and the manufacturer's name always needs to be in the subject line for reviews, reports, edits, etc.Also, after the corrections, you need to upload your HTML file to the OwnerReview test folder so I can check out your HTML. When you repost, you mustput a link in the e-mail to that file location so I can view the uploadedfile. Actually, the HTML file must always be uploaded to the OR Test folder and the URL of that file must be posted in your email text posting to the list.At that time, I'll check out the HTML and, if all is OK, give you the go ahead to upload. Please remember to use "REPOST" when you report the plain text of your corrected OR to the list.My list of edits follows. Let me know if you don't understand anything I'vewritten.Conventionally the following terms are used in the editing process:*** EDIT: you must fix this to comply with BackpackGearTest standards[because the Editor says so!]*** Edit: you should seriously consider fixing this in some way [unless youseriously object with good reason]*** Comment: usually just that, although you might want to make a change ofsome sort as a result.Kathy WatersBGT Owner Review Editor__________________________________________________________EDIT: You need have a title. The convention here at BGT is:Owner ReviewProduct Nameby Reviewer NameDate (this is the date you are posting the review)EDIT: All measurements must have a space between the numeral and the measurement and the metric conversion is posted in parenthesis, for example: 5 ft 6 in (167 cm).Edit: It's best to post your e-mail using the words "AT" and "DOT" to foil the robots, for example: TheMiddleSister AT usaring DOT comOwner ReviewMARY JANE CROCSEmail:< mother_hayman@...>EDIT: You need to delete these three lines. It'll be a duplicate of the information in the title and your personal information section.Biography: My hiking experiences over the last ten years have progressed fromday hikes in the Algoma area to six day trips in the Upper Peninsula of Michiganand Lake Superior Provincial Park in Ontario. Spring, summer, fall and wintertrips have produced all types of weather conditions from heat and rain to coldand snow as well as having to deal with wildlife from blackflies and ticks tofoxes and bears. During the last year, my "backpacking" has expanded from hikingboots and a backpack to snowshoes and a sled and bicycle shoes and panniers.Onward and forward!EDIT: You need to delete this section. It is a duplicate of the information in your personal information section.c) URL of manufacturer:EDIT: You must have the URL for the manufacturer and it must be "clickable". If there is no URL (!), just put "N/A", but in this case the URL is http://www.crocs.comCOMMENT: Since I can't look at the HTML, I can't tell if you have spacing to delineate paragraphs. This makes it hard to read the report. If you haven't put in paragraph spacing, please do so.The Mary Jane Crocs are comfortable, slip-on sandals made of "Croslite PCCR (Proprietary Closed Cell Resin) material" EDIT: You need a period at the end of this sentence.They are well ventilated in the toe box. These holes also accommodate jibbitz brand charms. EDIT: Since it is a brand name "Jibbitz" needs to be capitalized.Mary Jane's have slip-resistant, soft, cushiony and none marking soles. EDIT: It should be "Mary Janes" and "non-marking".They come in sixteen different colors and in women's sizes 6,7,8,9,10,11, and 12.EDIT: Spaces between the commas and numbers, please.But on a spring backpacking trip to Western Upper Michigan, my leader had a pair of Crocs that he was using for water crossings and if it wasn't for the great number of ticks, I'm sure he would have used them to relax in around camp. Edit: This is a very long sentence. I suggest you break it up into two. With a period after "crossings, deleting "and" and capitalizing "if", the two sentences would read more easily.Over the last number of years , I have used a high cut pair of neoprene booties (340g 12 oz per pair) but they stayed wet too long and then I purchased a pair of Keen's (650g 23oz per pair) which dried faster and had great grip but they were heavy and hurt my big toe which turns in quite a bit due to a bunion on the foot. Edit: This is a very long sentence. Can you break into two or even three sentences, please?OK, now for the hard part! I found it very difficult to read the read of your report. I got the idea of what you were trying to do with all the numbers and letters noting the three different trips, but it was too confusing. You need to put all the information for each trip together so the reader knows where you went, what the terrain and weather were, what your usage of the product was, how the product performed, etc. It would be very hard for the reader to remember which trip goes with what by the by they got through. I think you have good information there and I don't think it'll be hard for you to cut and paste to get it all together.mud or deep, fast water could suction them offcold rain or dew could make your feet coldsand or soft soil can come in the vent holes and need to be emptied outperiodicallyEDIT: This is considered "projection" (telling the reader what might or might not be their experience) and a big BGT no-no. Also, "you, your, yours, one's" are words never to be used in ORs or test reports. You need to reword to reflect your own experience. For example, "mud or deep, fast water sometimes suctioned the Crocs right off my feet" (if true).A tighter strap system design would definitely better it's appeal for my uses. EDIT: Proper word is "its", no apostrophe.As time passes , I will be able assess their use around the home and I have also read how some people use them instead of hiking boots and running shoes. EDIT: Delete this sentence. Your OR should only reflect your experiences, not other people's.[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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