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EDIT: OWNER REVIEW - Light My Fire Spork - Elizabeth Davis

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  • theMiddleSister@usaring.com
    Elizabeth, I have been assigned to edit your Owner s Review. This appears to be your very first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing for BGT takes
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 5, 2008
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      Elizabeth,



      I have been assigned to edit your Owner's Review. This appears to be your
      very first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing for BGT takes
      practice and you needn't be discouraged by the editing process. If it seems
      "greek" to you, you might want to check in with the BGT mentoring program
      where eager volunteers will help you master the process of writing ORs,
      applying for tests and writing test reports. It's a great
      program and I really think it would be helpful for you to contact
      Jenn E at mentor@... before proceeding.



      Since this is your first review and there are more than a couple edits, I
      would like you to REPOST your OR to the list when you have made the edits.
      When you repost, make sure that you have in the subject line "REPOST: Owner
      Review - Product Name - Your Name". Your name always
      needs to be in the subject line for reviews, reports, edits, etc.

      Also, after the corrections, you need to upload your HTML file to the Owner
      Review test folder so I can check out your HTML. When you repost, you must
      put a link in the e-mail to that file location so I can view the uploaded
      file. Actually, the HTML file must always be uploaded to the OR Test folder and the URL of that file must be posted in your email text posting to the list.

      At that time, I'll check out the HTML and, if all is OK, give you the go ahead to upload. Please remember to use "REPOST" when you report the plain text of your corrected OR to the list.


      My list of edits follows. Let me know if you don't understand anything I've
      written.

      Conventionally the following terms are used in the editing process:
      *** EDIT: you must fix this to comply with BackpackGearTest standards
      [because the Editor says so!]
      *** Edit: you should seriously consider fixing this in some way [unless you
      seriously object with good reason]
      *** Comment: usually just that, although you might want to make a change of
      some sort as a result.

      Kathy Waters
      BGT Owner Review Editor



      ________________________________________________________________________________________

      I have been backpacking occasionally since I
      was about eleven. During the last two years I have been hiking and
      backpacking every chance I get. I hike about twice a month, and more
      on holidays. I usually go on short backpacking trips of about
      two/three days, but I would really like to stay out longer. I pack as
      light as possible, but I am not really a "lightweight" backpacker. I
      hike in Pisgah, Cherokee, Natahalah, and the Cumberlands, but mainly
      the Smokies. The Smokies are extremely wet and fairly rugged in
      places. Temperatures vary from 70 F (21.11 C) to some 0 F (0 C)
      nights.

      EDIT: Bios need to be 100 words or less. I know it's hard to get your life down to such a tiny paragraph, but you can easily do it by eliminating a few prepositions ("about", for one) and the word "but" (make a new sentence instead). You need to spell out what "Pisgah", etc. are. Are they parks, mountain ranges.? "Smokies" should also be "the Smokey Mountains" the first time you mention them. International readers may not know what you are referring to. You have a good start here! Oh, "0 F'" doesn't equal "0 C".



      Avaliable in 15 colors, including metallic, the spork is a polycarbonate spoon-knife-fork combo.

      EDIT: Correct spelling is "Available".



      COMMENT: Since I can't look at the HTML, I can't tell if you have spacing to delineate paragraphs. This makes it hard to read the report. If you haven't put in paragraph spacing, please do so.



      I have used this spork on multiple backpacking trips in a variety of temperatures.

      EDIT: Can you give an approximate number of times?



      I have used it in Pisgah and in the Smokies, in rain, snow, and sunshine.

      EDIT: You need to spell out what "Pisgah", etc. are. Are they parks, mountain ranges.? "Smokies" should also be "the Smokey Mountains" the first time you mention them. International readers may not know what you are referring to. I know I also gave you this edit for your bio, but readers may skip the bio and just get onto the review, so the first time you mention places in the field report section, the edit holds.



      The knife is not terribly useful for cutting tough objects because it is serrated.

      EDIT: I don't think you meant to write this. The serration is what should make it easier to cut things. Perhaps, you mean that it is not deeply serrated or the serrated portion is not sharp enough?



      The knife can be used to spread peanute butter-like substances, and in this case it is very useful because it saves me having to clean gunk off of my pocket knife.

      EDIT: Correct spelling is "peanut". Also, better written would be "it saves me from having to".










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