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EDIT: Owner Review - Knives of Alaska Muskrat Suregrip Knife - Joshua Goodin

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  • TheMiddleSister
    Joshua, I have been assigned to edit your Owner s Review. This appears to be your very first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing for BGT takes
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 26, 2007
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      Joshua,

      I have been assigned to edit your Owner's Review. This appears to be your
      very first review, so I tried to go easy on you! ;) Writing for BGT takes
      practice and you needn't be discouraged by the editing process. If it seems
      "greek" to you, you might want to check in with the BGT mentoring program
      where eager volunteers will help you master the process of writing ORs,
      applying for tests and writing test reports. It's a great program and I'll
      be happy to put you in touch with Jennifer Pope.

      I noticed you are using Shane's wonderful ReportWriter program. It sure
      makes the process easier, doesn't it? Built into the ReportWriter is a
      spell checker. You might not have noticed it, but please in the future, run
      your reports through the spell checker before posting. It will save us all
      a bit of time.

      Since this is your first review and there are more than a couple edits, I
      would like you to REPOST your OR to the list when you have made the edits.
      When you repost, make sure that you have in the subject line "REPOST: Owner
      Review - Knives of Alaska - Muskrat - Joshua Goodin". Your name always
      needs to be in the subject line for reviews, reports, edits, etc.

      Also, after the corrections, you need to upload your HTML file to the Owner
      Review test folder so I can check out your HTML. When you repost, you must
      put a link in the e-mail to that file location so I can view the uploaded
      file.

      My list of edits follows. Let me know if you don't understand anything I've
      written.

      Conventionally the following terms are used in the editing process:
      *** EDIT: you must fix this to comply with BackpackGearTest standards
      [because the Editor says so!]
      *** Edit: you should seriously consider fixing this in some way [unless you
      seriously object with good reason]
      *** Comment: usually just that, although you might want to make a change of
      some sort as a result.

      Please e-mail me when you have made the edits and have uploaded the file
      with your pictures to the test folder. At that time, I'll check out the HTML
      and, if all is OK, give you the go ahead to upload. Please remember to use
      "REPOST" when you report the plain text of your corrected OR to the list.

      Kathy Waters
      OR Editor
      ____________________________________________________________________________
      __________
      *** EDIT: Please add "Knife" to your title so the reader immediately knows
      what the review is on. Yeah, I know the title says "Knives of Alaska" but
      they sell more than just knives, so make it easy on the unfamiliar readers.

      "LOCATION: Southaven, MS, USA"
      *** EDIT: Please do not abbreviate state names - international readers
      might not know them.


      "I have been hiking and backpacking since I was 15, in locations from as
      east as South Carolina and as west as California."
      *** COMMENT: This reads rough to me. Better might be ".from as FAR east as
      South Carolina and west as.". Your word count doesn't change (you are at
      101). This could be construed as a style issue. I think you should change
      it, but if you really don't want to.


      "A lot of my experience came during three year stint in the Army. I would be
      classed as a mid-weight hiker, because I believe there are some things worth
      taking, but I keep my wieght down on as many things as possible."
      *** COMMENT: This reads rough to me. Better might be ".A lot of my
      experience came during a three-year stint in the Army. I would be classed as
      a midweight hiker. I believe there are some things worth taking, but I keep
      my weight down on as many things as possible." This could be construed as a
      style issue. I think you should change it, but if you really don't want to.


      "but I keep my wieght down on as many things as possible"
      *** EDIT: Correct spelling - "weight".


      "I will average 75 to 100 miles (121 - 161) a year"
      *** EDIT: Add unit of metric measure to "121-161".


      "Measured Weight: ?? oz (?? g)
      Other details:"
      *** EDIT: You need to fill in the imperial and metric weights. Also delete
      the category "Other details:" if you are not going to be giving any other
      details.


      "Adevertised blade thickness: 1/8 in (12.2 mm)"
      *** EDIT: Correct spelling "Advertised"
      *** Edit: It would be helpful in this section of Product Information if you
      added a category titled "Model" or "Style" and list the name of the
      product - in this case; "Muskrat Suregrip". This would ideally be placed
      just under the category, "Manufacturer". By the time I got to this section,
      I had already forgotten the name in the title J Early dementia, I presume!

      "Product Description:
      The edge extends completely around the rounded edge and along the top side
      for one inch (25.4 mm). This allows you to cut quickly with the knife by
      cutting in both directions with a quick flick of the wrist. The thin 1/8
      thick blade is D-2 tool steel and holds a very sharp edge. The knife came
      with an oiled leather sheath and a black rubberized Suregrip handle."
      *** EDIT: This section here needs to be expanded quite a bit. It needs to
      create a word picture of the product. Remember the reader may have no idea
      of what this product looks like and your review has to spell out the details
      of this product. What kind of edge? Smooth? Sharp? Serrated? How wide is
      the blade? Is there any writing on the blade? The grip? The sheath? What
      color is the sheath? Does the sheath have a closure? Does the closure
      completely engulf the knife? Can the sheath attach to a belt or strap?
      How? ETC. You get the idea! (Make sure you have measurements, both
      imperial and metric for all thicknesses, lengths, etc.

      A couple of your sentences are verbatim from the manufacturer's website.
      That's ok as long as you attribute those statements to the manufacturer with
      quote marks and a notation.

      Also, in reading the manufacturer's website blurb, I see that there ARE in
      fact different handles. You should list the choices, say as "Handle
      Options" in the Product Description and then list your actual handle as a
      separate category.

      "I have used the knife to cut everything you could imagine cutting on the
      trail and in the woods; rope, plastic, cardboard, tape, & ect."
      *** EDIT: Delete "&" and correct "etc."


      "The back of the blade has a textued thumb rest for more precise handling."
      *** EDIT: Correct "textured".


      "There is a grommet hole at the end of the handle The reason I chose a
      rounded point knife is because it minimizes weight while maximizing blade
      area adding another inch (25.4 mm) with the rounded point."
      *** EDIT: This doesn't read right. I'm assuming a period is needed between
      "handle" and "The". Even then, the "handle" sentence seems really weird
      just in the middle of the paragraph like it is. It would be better in the
      Product Description section. The second sentence also runs on and confuses
      me. Please re-word, maybe shortening the sentence or making two sentences
      out of it.


      "The sheath is an oiled leather which looks great and holds the knife, it
      even has a secondary wrap-around button handle holder,"
      *** Edit: This would be better in the product description section of the OR
      with the trailing comment about how the sheath works left in the Field Use
      or better yet, the Summary section.


      "The only other concern I had was the fact that when the blade needs
      sharpening I suspect it will take some skill to sharpen a rounded point."
      *** EDIT: Leave this out. If you haven't tried sharpening the blade, you
      should mention that, but do not "suspect" the outcome. That is considered
      "projecting" and not permitted by the powers that be of BGT.

      *** EDIT: You need to expand the "Field Use" section a bit. Please tell
      the reader where you've used the knife; locations, seasons, weather, etc.
      Roughly how many times? Can you give some specific instances, say skinning
      that pesky rabbit or shaving bark for that evening campfire. You need to
      make the reader comfortable about the quality and quantity of your
      experience with the product.

      Also, you need to break up the "Field Use" section into at least a couple of
      paragraphs. It is too hard to read as is.


      *** EDIT: Please expand the "Summary" a bit. One way of summarizing is to
      list 3 "Pros" and "Cons".

      "Location and Conditions
      I have used this knife in the ozarks, south MS woodlands AK mountains, TN
      woodlands, ect, and in altitudes from sea level to 3000+ ft (914+ m).
      Temperature variations have been from 25 - 90 degrees F (-3.88 - 32.22
      degrees C)"
      *** EDIT: OK, you have some location information down here! This should be
      up in the "Field Use" section, not after the summary. The summary should be
      the very end of the report.

      *** EDIT: Please capitalize "Ozarks", spell out state names, correct "etc."
      and delete the word "degrees" - just use, for example, "25-90 F".


      *** EDIT: Remove the personal information from the bottom of the report.
      It is already at the top of the report.
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