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EDIT: OWNER REVIEW - Outward Hound Dog Backpack - Lindsay Dusi

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  • pamwyant
    Welcome Lindsay! Here are the edits for your owner review. Basically EDIT means must do and SUGGESTION means something I would like to see done to improve
    Message 1 of 4 , Apr 28 9:44 PM
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      Welcome Lindsay!

      Here are the edits for your owner review. Basically EDIT
      means "must do" and SUGGESTION means something I would like to see
      done to improve the readability of the report. COMMENT means just
      that.

      Once you have made the necessary corrections, please repost the
      report to this list, using the title:

      REPOST: Owner Review Outward Hound Dog Backpack – Lindsay Dusi.

      Please do be sure to spell check and proofread before reposting.
      Once you've reposted, I'll take another look to see if any
      additional edits are needed, and if not, will ask that an HTML
      version be uploaded to the Owner Review test folder for final
      approval.

      Pam Wyant

      ********************************************************************

      Outward Hound Dog Backpack

      EDIT: You need "Owner Review" in the title.

      EDIT: The preferred location for the date is directly following the
      title. (Currently this isn't written anywhere, but we are trying to
      start conformance now. It will be in the new "Survival Guide".)

      Name: Lindsay Dusi
      Age: 21 (born 1985)

      EDIT: Only your age is necessary, not the year of birth.

      Gender: Female
      Height: 5'4"

      EDIT: Need metric conversion. A handy conversion chart is located
      here:
      http://www.backpackgeartest.org/convert.html

      Weight: 135lbs

      EDIT: Need metric conversion, space after 135, and the preferred
      abbreviation is "lb" without the "s".

      Email address: Realdusi@...

      EDIT: Yahoo shortens the e-mail address to make it unreadable as an
      anti-spamming measure as I understand it, so most of us write it out
      in some way, such as this example of mine: pamwyant(at)yahoo(dot)
      com. That way we can read it but it isn't picked up and shortened
      (or spammed).

      City, State, Country: Saint Petersburg, FL, USA
      Date: 24 April 2006
      Backpacking Background: I am still a backpacking novice, with only a
      few day hikes and a week long excursion under my belt. I have hiked
      day hikes in parts of Georgia near Blood Mountain and Brasstown
      Bald, and also in Florida.

      SUGGESTION: "I have hiked day hikes" sounds a bit repetitive. You
      might use "I have day-hiked in parts…"
      COMMENT: I just came back from an AT trip in Georgia where I hiked
      Blood Mountain. What a beautiful area!
      EDIT: It looks like you have a period after Brasstown Bald which
      should be a comma.
      SUGGESTION: You could leave out the "also" – "I have day-hiked in
      parts of Georgia near Blood Mountain and Brasstown Bald, and in
      Florida."

      I did a week on the Florida Trail. I am
      now planning and training for the Appalachian Trail. I started
      backpacking about two years ago, and would consider myself a
      lightweight backpacker in training. I try to practice many light
      weight tactics, however will not sacrifice safety or comfort for the
      sake of weight.

      SUGGESTION: To avoid using "lightweight" and light weight so close
      together, which sounds slightly repetitive, you could change it up a
      bit. "I started backpacking about two years ago and would consider
      myself a lightweight backpacker in training. I try to practice many
      weight saving tactics, however…"

      I am often found hiking and backpacking with the
      companion or Wiley.

      EDIT: Something seems to be incorrectly worded or missing here. Do
      you hike with a human companion? Or do you mean hiking and
      backpacking with Wiley as a companion? Please re-word appropriately
      to convey the correct meaning.

      Wiley's bio:
      Name: Wiley
      Age: 2
      Gender: Male
      Girth: 14.5"
      Weight: 15 lbs
      Breed: Chihuahua mix from the Humane Society
      Date: 24 April 2006

      EDIT: No need to repeat the date.

      Backpacking Background: Wiley is Lindsay's traveling companion and
      has tackled trails in Vogel State Park in Georgia, and the Florida
      Trail. He's a chihuahua mix with a bundle of energy and drive to
      keep on truckin'.

      EDIT: No need to re-state that he is a Chihuahua mix since it is
      listed directly above. Just re-word as you choose to reflect that
      he is high energy and enjoys hiking with you.

      EDIT: You need a heading here for "Product Information"

      Manufactured by the Kyjen Company
      http://www.kyjen.com/
      MSRP: $30.00

      EDIT: You need the year of manufacture and the measured weight of
      the dog pack. Also you need a listed weight if that is given by the
      manufacturer, and if not, state so. It would also be preferred if
      you could give some measurements of the pack, such as length,
      height, and approximate width.

      The dog backpack was a small, ordered through an online website.

      SUGGESTION: The dog backpack was a *size* small.

      It
      features a harness with the quick release pack feature.

      SUGGESTION: It features a harness with *a* quick release pack
      feature.

      It has
      padded buckle covers, and velcro which holds the pack itself firmly
      to the harness.

      EDIT: If it is the name brand product, Velcro, it should be
      capitalized. If it is not the name brand product, use "hook and
      loop fasteners"

      It has a quick release leash holder, and two zipper
      pouches on either side.Each pouch has a key holder hook, and a mesh
      pack divider.

      EDIT: two *zippered* pouches
      Also, You need spaces after side.

      Two straps attach the pack under the dog, while it
      also has a chest buckle.

      EDIT: …under the dog, *and* it also…

      The top of the pack has a bungee cord for
      lashing items to the top.

      SUGGESTION: drop the "to the top" at the end, as it sounds
      repetitive.

      When I first recieved the item, I immediatly put the harness, minus
      the backpack, on my dog to try to get him used to the pack.

      EDIT: spelling of *received* and *immediately*


      The
      first thing I noticed which disappointed me, was the fact that the
      padded buckle covers that the website raved about were inefficient
      at padding. They were stiched onto the straps on one side and
      frequently slipped out of place never really padding the buckles.

      EDIT: Spelling of *stitched*
      SUGGESTION: The above is worded a bit awkwardly. Some simple
      changes would make it more readable – maybe something along the
      lines of "The first thing I noticed, which disappointed me, was that
      the padded buckle covers mentioned on the website were inefficient.
      They were stitched onto the straps on one side only and frequently
      slipped out of place, leaving the buckles unpadded.

      After the dog got used to the harness I velcroed pack on..

      EDIT: …I *attached the pack* or other similar wording. "velcroed"
      isn't really a word.

      The pack
      velcroed on the sides, top, and then a buckle held the pack securely
      to the harness.

      EDIT: The pack fastened with *Velcro* (or hook and loop as the case
      may be) on the sides *and* top. Also, specify where the buckle
      fastens.

      It seemed to disperse pack weight along his
      shoulder's, spine, and mid back.

      EDIT: *shoulders* (no apostrophe)

      I read somewhere that this isn't
      safe for a dog, but knew I wasn't going to overload him on weight so
      I didn't think it'd matter.

      EDIT: I'm a little puzzled by this. Can you quote where you read
      the information? Where is pack weight supposed to be dispersed to
      be safe? Pretty much all dog packs I've seen have the weight in the
      shoulder and mid-back areas, and the manual that came with my dog
      pack states "When properly loaded the leading edge of the pack will
      be over your dog's shoulders". Unless there is something I don't
      understand here, this should be removed. Also "it'd" is not a
      normal contraction and should be changed to *it would* in the event
      you have a specific source to quote that dispersing pack weight
      along a dog's shoulders, spine, and mid back is not safe.

      I noticed that even an empty pack didn't
      sit evenly on the harness. I was a little disappointed, but kept
      working with my dog to get used to it.

      EDIT: …working with my dog to get *him* used to it.

      The pockets weren't very
      deep, but very long.

      EDIT: …but *were* very long. (Or change the sentence about to
      read "The pockets were very long, but not very deep.")

      The mesh pocket dividers were useless, not tall
      enough to keep items from spilling over from one section to another.

      SUGGESTION: I would prefer seeing this worded "I found the mesh
      pocket dividers useless, since they were not tall enough…" so that
      it reflects this is your experience. It is possible others would
      find them useful somehow.

      Another option I was disappointed with was the quick release leash
      holder and the bungee cord on top for lashing items. Because both
      items were on top, you could only use one feature at a time. If you
      stashed your leash up there, there was no room to lash items on the
      top. If you did lash items, you covered up the leash holder.

      EDIT: We avoid using the word "you" since it causes what we
      term "projection". We try to use words to describe our own
      experience instead. So, you will need to do a little re-writing
      here. "Because both items were on top, *I* could only use one
      feature at a time. If *I* stashed *my* leash… etc.

      The
      leash holder however quickly unthreaded and fell off, so that solved
      the problem of what feature I was going to use! I started to load up
      the pack with a small amount of weight, no more than a pound total.
      No matter how I tried to evenly balance the pockets, the pack kept
      slipping from one side to the other as the dog moved. The dog was so
      freaked out by the extreme shifting of the weight, that he never got
      used to the pack. After a two months of trail runs at home, I
      finally decided to give up on this pack and shop around for another
      one.

      EDIT: remove "a" following "After". Also, do you mean "trail runs"
      or *trial runs*? Either one is okay and both make sense, I just
      want to make sure it isn't a typo.

      EDIT: You need some specific information on locations the pack was
      used in. Weather conditions, temperature, altitude, terrain, etc.

      Features I liked:
      I liked the quick release velcro option. Even though it didn't sit
      right, and ripping the velcro off scared the pants off my dog, I
      thought it was a great feature in theory.

      EDIT: *Velcro* or *hook and loop* depending on whether the product
      is the name brand or not.

      Features I didn't like:
      There's a lot I don't like about the pack. It had a lot of useless,
      features (buckle covers that didn't work, mesh pocket dividers,
      quick release leash holder)

      EDIT: remove comma after useless, add period at the end.

      I also didn't like the way the pack fit the dog.

      Comment: The above sentence is fine.

      It dispersed weight
      along the dog's spine, and mid back which may be fine for lighter
      weights, but is something I'm not willing to take a chance on.

      EDIT: Again, unless there is a specific, reliable authority that
      verifies weight should not be dispersed along the dog's spine and
      mid back, this part needs removed.
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