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EDIT: MSR Alpine Classic Cookware Set - Jennifer Koles

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  • pamwyant
    Jennifer, nice detail in your report. Here are your edits, and some comments on a few paragraphs I would like to see changed a bit to make the report read
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 30, 2006
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      Jennifer, nice detail in your report. Here are your edits, and some
      comments on a few paragraphs I would like to see changed a bit to
      make the report read more smoothly.

      > Backpacking Background
      >
      > I started taking overnight backpacking trips this past summer in
      the
      > Uinta Mountain Range in Utah. I found myself taking entirely too
      > much gear. I am finding out slowly how to minimize my needs and
      not
      > require extra luxuries. My previous outdoor experiences consisted
      of
      > 4 wheel-drive camping in primitive areas and day hiking. I have
      some
      > backpacking gear I purchased over the past few years. I enjoyed
      my
      > backpacking experience this summer. I plan to take more trips,
      > increase my duration, and reduce my pack weight from 45 lb.

      *Comment: This is a pretty good biography. I would suggest moving
      a few things around and combining a couple of sentences to make it
      read more smoothly. Example:

      I started taking overnight backpacking trips this past summer in the
      Uinta Mountain Range in Utah. I already owned some backpacking gear
      I had purchased over the past few years. Although I enjoyed my
      backpacking experience this summer, I found myself taking entirely
      too much gear. I am finding out slowly how to minimize my needs and
      not require extra luxuries. My previous outdoor experiences
      consisted of 4 wheel-drive camping in primitive areas and day
      hiking. I plan to take more trips, increase my duration, and reduce
      my pack weight from 45 lb.

      *EDIT: Also you need the metric conversion for 45 lb.

      > Product Information
      >
      > Manufacturer: MSR
      > Year of Manufacture: uncertain approximately 1999

      *EDIT: leave out the "uncertain". Approximately 1999 is
      sufficient. Also, in your HTML version this is a short dash/line
      over "Manufacturer" that needs removed.

      > MSRP: $39.95 US currency (current retail price)

      *EDIT: "(current retail price)" isn't needed. MSRP (manufacturer's
      suggested retail price) basically means the same thing.

      > Field Information
      >
      > I have utilized this cookware set in the backcountry and at
      various
      > campsites over the past 6 years.
      >
      > From the Pacific Coast to the Wasatch Mountain Range at elevations
      > from 15 ft-13,000 ft (4.6 m - 3962 m). In desert to mountain
      climates
      > in temperature ranges from 90 F (32 C) to 40 F (4 C).

      *EDIT: Please make your location descriptions into complete
      sentences.
      >To transport the cook set, I nest the cookware in the stuff sack
      with my MSR >WhisperLite stove inside the smaller pot. When I
      initially started using the cookware set >I did not even think about
      placing my stove in the smaller pot. Now I try to fit whatever
      >cookware items I can into the stuff sack with my cookware set and
      my stove.

      *Comment: This paragraph seems a bit repetitive. I suggest
      combining the sentences somehow. Perhaps something like this:

      When I initially started using the cookware set I didn't think about
      saving space, but now I nest my MSR WhisperLite stove inside the
      smaller pot and try to fit whatever other cookware items I can into
      the stuff sack.

      > I have dropped the cookware several times, too numerous for me to
      > count on various surfaces (rocks, concrete, tree stumps, gravel,
      and
      > the list goes on and on).

      *EDIT: I have dropped the cookware *too many times to count*…

      Looking at my cookware today it looks
      > almost brand new. I do not see any dings in the set and just a
      few
      > small scratches in the inside of one of the pots. Generally while
      > cooking I use a wooden multi-purpose camp spoon, so this helps
      > prevent scratching.

      *Edit/Comment: I suggest re-ordering this paragraph a bit to make
      it read in a more logical sequence. Something along this order:

      Generally while cooking I use a wooden multi-purpose camp spoon, so
      this helps
      prevent scratching, and looking at my cookware today it looks almost
      brand new. There are just a few small scratches inside one of the
      pots, but no dings or dents.

      > While cooking if I have the gas turned up too high on my stove
      > sometimes I will hear a popping sound from the pot. I have not
      > noticed any warping of any sort due to this. I need to learn how
      to
      > better operate my stove.

      *Edit/Comment: Again, I suggest some re-ordering and sentence
      combining to make the paragraph flow more logically, such as:

      While cooking if I have the gas turned up too high on my stove
      sometimes I will hear a popping sound from the pot. While this
      makes me feel I need to learn to operate my stove better, I have not
      noticed any warping of any sort due to this.


      > The food appears to cook evenly in both the pots and the fry pan.

      EDIT: both *of* the pots

      > This is partially due to the stainless steel surface. The cook set
      does not have a non->stick surface.

      EDIT: Combine these sentences, since you already stated earlier in
      your review the cook set does not have a non-stick surface. Such as:

      This is partially due to the lack of a non-stick surface on the
      stainless steel.

      >This problem can be resolved by boiling a little water in the pot
      and then
      > I scrape the food out with my multi-purpose camp spoon.

      EDIT: You change tense in this sentence. Either use: This problem
      can be resolved by boiling a little water in the pot and then
      scraping the food… OR I resolve this problem by boiling a little
      water in the pot and then I scrape …

      > The feature I like the most while using this cook set is the
      > functionality of the PanHandler. It grabs onto the pot near the
      lip
      > and enables you to lift the pot or the lid without getting
      burned.

      EDIT: and enables *me* or *the cook* to lift the pot. Avoid using
      the word "you" which results in projection. Always write from your
      perspective, not what others might do.

      > It also makes this task easier than attempting to hold the pot
      with
      > your hands.

      EDIT: Again, *my* hands or *the* hands instead of "your" hands.

      To use the PanHandler you just open the handles enough
      > to place it on the pot or the lid where you want to and then grip
      the
      > handles together with your hand.

      EDIT: Replace "you" and "your" as needed to reflect your personal
      perspective.

      > The lid can be
      > paced on the pot to keep the excess food warm for short periods of

      EDIT: *placed* instead of "paced"

      > time (approximately 10 minutes). I use the lid placed on the pot
      to
      > decrease the amount of cooking time required to fully cook or heat
      up
      > my food. This also enables me to save stove fuel.

      Comment: Again I suggest a little re-wording to make the paragraph
      read more smoothly. Such as:

      I use the lid placed on the pot to decrease the amount of cooking
      time required to fully cook or heat up my food, enabling me to save
      stove fuel. The lid can also be placed on the pot to keep excess
      food warm for short periods of time (approximately 10 minutes).


      > Things I do not like:
      >
      > · Sometimes the cleanup in the field can be difficult due to
      > the stainless steel surface.

      EDIT: Sometimes cleanup (remove "the" before cleanup)

      Once you've made the changes, please REPOST to this group and load
      the new HTML version into the test folder.

      Pam
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