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EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton

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  • Roger Caffin
    EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton Hi Ralph For your sins you get me again. Luck of the draw actually. You wouldn t be a lawyer by any chance? Not insulting
    Message 1 of 4 , Dec 1, 2005
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      EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton

      Hi Ralph

      For your sins you get me again. Luck of the draw actually.

      You wouldn't be a lawyer by any chance? Not insulting lawyers by any means, but your prose reads like legalese. A
      simpler style would be much more suitable for BGT readers, so I have gone to town with some EXAMPLES of improvements.
      Basically, shorten the sentences and make them more direct. Hope you don't mind this interference with your style.
      Remember: we write for posterity!

      A repost is indicated this time as the changes recommended are largish. But otherwise all is fine.

      Cheers
      Roger Caffin
      BGT OR Editor
      ---------------------------------
      > Owner Review: Trangia Spondonical or Billy Grips
      > Date of Review: 27th November, 2005
      EDIT: we would prefer the following format if you don't mind:
      Owner Review: Trangia Spondonical or Billy Grips
      Ralph Ditton
      27th November, 2005
      (suitably formatted of course)

      > My purchase price: AU$8.50
      EDIT: only MSRP, not local shop price. Omit this.

      > The spondonical has the appearance of a pair of pliers with a bent head
      > that is designed to grip onto pots, billies, bowls, fry pans and lids to
      > assist with the lifting off a stove when hot and to hold onto said
      > objects to prevent spilling when stirring the food being cooked.
      EDIT: A bit awkward as the sentence is too long and changes focus.
      A very minor rewrite as follows would improve it: exact details left to you. Caps to highlight MY example changes.
      "The spondonical is designed to grip onto pots, billies, bowls, fry pans and lids to
      LIFT THEM off a stove when hot and to hold THEM to prevent spilling when stirring the food being cooked. IT has the
      appearance of a pair of pliers with a bent head."
      You could replace 'designed' with 'a tool'

      > The top handle has eight small holes of 5 mm (0.2 in) with four aligned
      Edit: I would refer to the picture here as well.

      > The manufacturer states that the holes in the spondonical minimize both
      EDIT: another long sentence. It needs to be simplified a bit. A first pass at this follows, but it is just for
      illustration.
      "The manufacturer CLAIMS that the holes in the spondonical minimize both
      heat CONDUCTION and weight. I have never felt any heat from the STOVE
      through the handle, EVEN when holding onto a fryING pan for lengthy periods cooking sausages and bacon. "

      > The notch formed in the jaws of the head is designed to fit over folded
      > rims on billies, pots, bowls, pans and fry pans and when I squeeze the
      > handles together the tool grips the object being either held in place to
      > stir food or lift off a stove because it is hot.
      EDIT: sentence too long. Example follows:
      " The notch formed in the jaws of the head is designed to fit over folded
      rims on billies, pots, bowls, pans and fry pans and GRIP THEM when I squeeze the
      handles together. THIS LETS ME HOLD the object to stir food or lift it off a stove."

      > This method of removing the lid aids in generating greater pulling power
      EDIT: this sentence now goes around in a bit of a circle.
      " This method of removing the lid aids in generating greater pulling power which helps me overcome the slight vacuum
      inside the billy caused by the steam inside cooling down if the billy has gone off the boil. This sometimes happens when
      the water boils quicker than I expectED and I am not fully ready."

      > To keep the lid in place. I place the spondonical on
      > top and that way I always know where the spondonical is
      Comment: funny: I do that myself for the same reason.

      > fry pan
      EDIT: I think the better term is 'frying pan'. This occurs in many places.

      > I have found it necessary to use the spondonical as a handle on a fry
      EDIT: very awkward sentence! For example:
      "I have found it necessary to use the spondonical as a handle on a fryING
      pan when cooking sausages, bacon, steak and onions due to the constant
      stirring and turning of the food. When I do not hang onto the
      fryING pan it can came off the stove in an ungainly manner, causing much
      gnashing of teeth. This has happened on three occasions when the support arm
      of the stove moved out of position, tipping the fryING pan onto the table
      and spilling the food."

      > There have been occasions when other campers did
      not have a spondonical due to either being a novice or left theirs at
      EDIT: ' novice or having left theirs "

      > initials on the inside of the bottom handle near the axis. The
      Comment: Better maybe to paint the handle safety orange?? :-)
    • Ralph Ditton
      Hi Roger, Thanks for picking up the OR. I will attend to the edits over the next few days as I am flat out at work at present. I will do a bit each night. No,
      Message 2 of 4 , Dec 1, 2005
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        Hi Roger,
        Thanks for picking up the OR.
        I will attend to the edits over the next few days as I am flat out at work
        at present. I will do a bit each night.
        No, I used to be a "bush lawyer" in the Trade Union movement as an
        Industrial Officer for the Bank Employees looking after Credit Unions and
        putting up Draft Awards for each enterprise and see them through the
        Industrial Commission and become registered Awards.
        Now I run two businesses as I am self-employed, Security/Flyscreen repairs
        and a Window Cleaning business and this is my frantic time with hot weather
        and Christmas. I do not have to do much writing in my business hence my T.U
        writing style has still remained unfortunately.
        Cheers
        Ralph


        -----Original Message-----
        From: BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com
        [mailto:BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Roger Caffin
        Sent: Thursday, 1 December 2005 6:04 PM
        To: BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com
        Subject: [BackpackGearTest] EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton

        EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton

        Hi Ralph

        For your sins you get me again. Luck of the draw actually.

        You wouldn't be a lawyer by any chance? Not insulting lawyers by any means,
        but your prose reads like legalese. A
        simpler style would be much more suitable for BGT readers, so I have gone to
        town with some EXAMPLES of improvements.
        Basically, shorten the sentences and make them more direct. Hope you don't
        mind this interference with your style.
        Remember: we write for posterity!
      • richardglyon
        Roger - Oh go ahead and insult lawyers. We have all developed thick skins from listening to clients all day. Richard ... any means, but your prose reads like
        Message 3 of 4 , Dec 1, 2005
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          Roger - Oh go ahead and insult lawyers. We have all developed thick
          skins from listening to clients all day. Richard

          --- In BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com, "Roger Caffin"
          <r.caffin@t...> wrote:
          >
          > EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton
          >
          > Hi Ralph
          >
          > For your sins you get me again. Luck of the draw actually.
          >
          > You wouldn't be a lawyer by any chance? Not insulting lawyers by
          any means, but your prose reads like legalese. A
          > simpler style would be much more suitable for BGT readers, so I
          have gone to town with some EXAMPLES of improvements.
          > Basically, shorten the sentences and make them more direct. Hope
          you don't mind this interference with your style.
          > Remember: we write for posterity!
          >
          > A repost is indicated this time as the changes recommended are
          largish. But otherwise all is fine.
          >
          > Cheers
          > Roger Caffin
          > BGT OR Editor
          > ---------------------------------
          > > Owner Review: Trangia Spondonical or Billy Grips
          > > Date of Review: 27th November, 2005
          > EDIT: we would prefer the following format if you don't mind:
          > Owner Review: Trangia Spondonical or Billy Grips
          > Ralph Ditton
          > 27th November, 2005
          > (suitably formatted of course)
          >
          > > My purchase price: AU$8.50
          > EDIT: only MSRP, not local shop price. Omit this.
          >
          > > The spondonical has the appearance of a pair of pliers with a
          bent head
          > > that is designed to grip onto pots, billies, bowls, fry pans and
          lids to
          > > assist with the lifting off a stove when hot and to hold onto
          said
          > > objects to prevent spilling when stirring the food being cooked.
          > EDIT: A bit awkward as the sentence is too long and changes focus.
          > A very minor rewrite as follows would improve it: exact details
          left to you. Caps to highlight MY example changes.
          > "The spondonical is designed to grip onto pots, billies, bowls,
          fry pans and lids to
          > LIFT THEM off a stove when hot and to hold THEM to prevent
          spilling when stirring the food being cooked. IT has the
          > appearance of a pair of pliers with a bent head."
          > You could replace 'designed' with 'a tool'
          >
          > > The top handle has eight small holes of 5 mm (0.2 in) with four
          aligned
          > Edit: I would refer to the picture here as well.
          >
          > > The manufacturer states that the holes in the spondonical
          minimize both
          > EDIT: another long sentence. It needs to be simplified a bit. A
          first pass at this follows, but it is just for
          > illustration.
          > "The manufacturer CLAIMS that the holes in the spondonical
          minimize both
          > heat CONDUCTION and weight. I have never felt any heat from the
          STOVE
          > through the handle, EVEN when holding onto a fryING pan for
          lengthy periods cooking sausages and bacon. "
          >
          > > The notch formed in the jaws of the head is designed to fit over
          folded
          > > rims on billies, pots, bowls, pans and fry pans and when I
          squeeze the
          > > handles together the tool grips the object being either held in
          place to
          > > stir food or lift off a stove because it is hot.
          > EDIT: sentence too long. Example follows:
          > " The notch formed in the jaws of the head is designed to fit over
          folded
          > rims on billies, pots, bowls, pans and fry pans and GRIP THEM when
          I squeeze the
          > handles together. THIS LETS ME HOLD the object to stir food or
          lift it off a stove."
          >
          > > This method of removing the lid aids in generating greater
          pulling power
          > EDIT: this sentence now goes around in a bit of a circle.
          > " This method of removing the lid aids in generating greater
          pulling power which helps me overcome the slight vacuum
          > inside the billy caused by the steam inside cooling down if the
          billy has gone off the boil. This sometimes happens when
          > the water boils quicker than I expectED and I am not fully ready."
          >
          > > To keep the lid in place. I place the spondonical on
          > > top and that way I always know where the spondonical is
          > Comment: funny: I do that myself for the same reason.
          >
          > > fry pan
          > EDIT: I think the better term is 'frying pan'. This occurs in many
          places.
          >
          > > I have found it necessary to use the spondonical as a handle on
          a fry
          > EDIT: very awkward sentence! For example:
          > "I have found it necessary to use the spondonical as a handle on a
          fryING
          > pan when cooking sausages, bacon, steak and onions due to the
          constant
          > stirring and turning of the food. When I do not hang onto the
          > fryING pan it can came off the stove in an ungainly manner,
          causing much
          > gnashing of teeth. This has happened on three occasions when the
          support arm
          > of the stove moved out of position, tipping the fryING pan onto
          the table
          > and spilling the food."
          >
          > > There have been occasions when other campers did
          > not have a spondonical due to either being a novice or left theirs
          at
          > EDIT: ' novice or having left theirs "
          >
          > > initials on the inside of the bottom handle near the axis. The
          > Comment: Better maybe to paint the handle safety orange?? :-)
          >
        • Roger Caffin
          ... Now, now ! Naughty naughty ! Anyhow, I wasn t meaning to insult lawyers at all. It s just that after writing patents for years, I recognise the style. It
          Message 4 of 4 , Dec 3, 2005
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            Richard wrote:
            > Roger - Oh go ahead and insult lawyers. We have all developed thick
            > skins from listening to clients all day. Richard

            Now, now ! Naughty naughty !
            Anyhow, I wasn't meaning to insult lawyers at all.

            It's just that after writing patents for years, I recognise the style. It may be OK for legal things, but it's not so
            good for gear reviews for non-legal types. Ralph and I discussed this off-line, and he was not upset at all.

            Cheers
            Roger Caffin
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