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EDIT: Petzl MYO 3 Headlamp - Chad Fike

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  • Roger Caffin
    EDIT: Petzl MYO 3 Headlamp - Chad Fike Hi Chad A good review. I ve got some edits for you, but mostly they are small detail things. We have some general
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 2, 2005
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      EDIT: Petzl MYO 3 Headlamp - Chad Fike

      Hi Chad

      A good review. I've got some edits for you, but mostly they are small 'detail' things. We have some general conventions
      such as avoiding the word 'you' or making recommendations, and I have flagged these cases for you. Sometimes the cases
      are borderline, I agree, but they are good general rules which avoid arguments.

      There is a bit of an unofficial convention some of us use:
      EDIT: you must fix this
      Edit: you should seriously consider fixing this
      Comment: just that.
      But feel free to challenge something if you think I have misunderstood. (But if I have, why have I?)

      When you have made the changes, could you please REPOST here and put the html version in the Test / Owner Reviews folder
      as well please, and let me know it's there. We do check it as well.

      Cheers
      Roger Caffin
      BGT OR Editor
      ---------------------------
      > Height: 5’10” (1.77m)
      > Weight: 150 lbs (68kg)
      EDIT: 5' 10" (1.77 m) and 150 lb (68 kg)
      You need some spaces and no s on lb.

      > City, State, Country: Oakland, MD, U.S.
      EDIT: foreigners won't know what MD stands for, so please spell it out.
      Comment: a style issue, and therefore ignorable, but 'USA' seems more common these days.

      > Backpacking Background: I have gone camping, usually very close to home,
      EDIT: we have a limit of 100 words for the bio, and yours reaches 111. But if you take out the sentence 'It seems to be
      hard to find time and partners to take longer trips.' which is irrelevant anyhow to what you actually DO, you will be
      there.

      > Listed weight- Headlamp =137g (4.83 oz.) + 4 AA batteries 100g =237g
      EDIT: just slightly confusing in text form, but if you change it to
      '4 AA batteries (100 g)' or maybe '4 AA batteries @ 100 g' it will be much clearer.
      EDIT: space between number and 'g' in all cases. So 137 g, etc.
      Edit: you switch between imperial/metric and metric/imperial. It would be better if you could stick to one of the two
      all the way through.

      > All of my hiking experience with the light has been under fair conditions.
      Edit: I think you mean 'under fair weather conditions' here?

      > around 5 F to 25 F( -15C to -3.88C)
      EDIT: you are only talking approximate temperatures here, so (-15 C to -4 C) would be right.
      EDIT: spaces between the numbers and the C symbol.
      EDIT: '25 F (-15C' - shift the spaces around.

      > The light also has a 3 year guarantee.
      EDIT: it would be better to move this up to the Product Information I think?

      > For backpacking, if you only plan on needing
      EDIT: we have a paranoia about 'projecting': saying what the reader might or should do. To avoid this we avoid the use
      of 'you' and instead put it into the first person. I agree this case is minor, but it would be good practice to change
      this here.

      > a smaller LED only light. Most LED only lights do not require so many
      EDIT: 'LED-only' (2 places) makes it a lot clearer.

      > problem if you like to lay in bed and read.
      Edit: 'lie in bed'

      > I would recommend this light to someone who wants an all purpose headlamp
      EDIT: we also avoid making 'recommendations' per se. Instead we often discuss 'whether I would buy the item again'.

      > I would not recommend this light to someone
      EDIT: ditto.
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