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EDIT: REPOST Moonstone 800 Lucid

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  • edwardripleyduggan
    Hi Will, Hope you had a good Spring vacation! Never any call to apologize for heading out to the mountains. Thanks for the explanation regarding the change in
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 1, 2005
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      Hi Will,

      Hope you had a good Spring vacation! Never any call to apologize for
      heading out to the mountains. Thanks for the explanation regarding the
      change in specs--I'd guessed that might be the case, but wanted to
      make sure there wasn't a mix-up. It's the nature of gear manufacturers
      to keep switching things around, not always for the better. Then,
      having finally got it right, they discontinue... <g>

      Edits follow. A few are repeats, so try to pick them all up. I'd like
      to ask you to repost, then we can consider taking a look at an HTML
      version. Despite the number of edits, this is a big improvement over
      the last edit. Please don't change anything that I haven't suggested
      editing (this sometimes happens, though you are not guilty of it)!


      BGT OR editor

      > Reviewer Biography: I have been and
      ### an
      > avid backpacker
      > for over 8
      ### eight (spell out numbers under ten in this kind of context)
      > years and also have interests in mountain
      > biking, rock climbing, and kayaking. The majority of my hiking
      > experiences have taken place on the Appalachian Trail
      > in northern Georgia and western North Carolina. I prefer to travel
      as light as possible,
      > but I am guilty of hauling the kitchen sink on shorter
      > weekend trips.
      > Most of my trips range from 3 to 4 days of about 16
      > miles per day. I enjoy sleeping late and going to bed
      > early and a nap at lunch is always time well spent.

      ### Thanks for adding the bio. I do need this bought down to 100 words
      (as stated in my original edit), while keeping the essentials. You are
      at 177 words. I've made some suggested cuts above which, I think, keep
      to the spirit of your original text but drop the length down to an
      acceptable 108 words. Feel free to play around with this as you
      desire, just do keep the word total down and keep the essentials in.

      > d. Listed weight: 1lb 12oz (795 g)
      > e. Weight as delivered: 1lb 13oz (822 g)
      ### Please place a space between integer and unit with the imperial
      units too
      1 lb 12 oz (795 g)
      1 lb 13 oz (822 g)

      > f. Bag length: regular 5' 9" (1.75 m)
      > g. Stuff size: 7.5" x 8" (19cm x 20cm)
      ### (19 cm x 20 cm)
      > h. Outside fabric: 30D Pertex® X-Ray 1.1
      > Field Information
      > I used the Moonstone sleeping bag in a variety of
      > climates.
      ### I have used the Moonstone... (watch the tense, otherwise it makes
      it sound like you no longer use it)

      I used the bag for a couple of winter trips
      > in the cold and humid mountains of western North
      > Carolina. On my winter trips I have used the sleeping
      > bag inside a shelter, inside a tent, and under the
      > stars. All of the winter trips got below 30 degrees F
      > (-1 C) at night with two nights under 25 degrees F (-4
      > C). I also used the bag for a two week
      ### two-week

      > canoe trip in
      > The Lucid only
      > weighed 2 or 3 ounces (55 or 85 grams) more than bags
      > that cost over $100 (USD) more, so I saved my money
      > and bought the Moonstone 800 Lucid
      ### to avoid repetition, maybe just "...bought the Lucid."

      > The bag is so
      > light that I actually thought the box was empty when I
      > picked it up off my doorstep.

      > This fabric is very light weight
      > which makes me suspicious of its durability.
      ### Please delete this sentence unless you have specific evidence that
      the durability is poor. In that case, please provude details. I
      touched on this in the last edit as this is a form of projecting.

      I have
      > found that the fabric handles regular beating
      ### how about "wear and tear" instead of "beating." You'll have the
      SPSB (Society for Protection of Sleeping Bags) after you... <g>

      such as
      > fluffing and stuffing, and performs fine as long as
      > you sleep on a ground cloth or pad.
      > The side seams in the Lucid are at ground level, which
      > helps the bag fit over your body better and retain
      > heat more efficiently. The variable fill levels means
      ### try substituting "ensure" or "are designed so" instead of "means"

      > that there is more down in the baffles at your chest
      > and feet and less in areas like your hips that don't
      > get cold as easily.

      > Moonstone's advanced
      > technology in the variable fill levels and ultralight
      > fabrics
      ### You can simply say "The construction helps keep this bag light..."
      and lose the portion of the sentence above without any loss of
      substantive content!

      help keep this bag light, and the 800+ fill
      > enables the bag to stuff to a small size. The regular
      > length for this bag is a bit shorter than most. The
      > bag is supposed to fit people up to 5'9"
      ###5' 9" (don't forget that space--it's missing in a few mwasurements
      below, too)

      (1.75 m), but
      > if you are 5'9" it will be a tight fit. This bag
      > provides the perfect amount of extra room (2-3 inches)
      > for my 5'6" (1.68 m) frame.
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