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EDIT: OR - Sea to Summit Thermolite Reactor - Ralph

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  • Nazdarovye
    Ralph - Welcome to the group, and thanks for a fine first Owner Review. You ve got all of the required information, so my edits focus on editorial minutiae and
    Message 1 of 5 , Mar 31, 2005
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      Ralph -

      Welcome to the group, and thanks for a fine first Owner Review. You've
      got all of the required information, so my edits focus on editorial
      minutiae and some style preferences.

      I've provided the edits below; please make these changes, then upload
      your edited report to the list with the word "REPOST" included in the
      subject line.

      With these changes in place, I should be able to approve your review
      quickly. Good work! (By the way, I own and use this product myself, and
      your review is right in line with my experiences; I think it's a nice
      product too.)

      Regards
      Steve
      BGT Edit Moderator

      [EDITS FOLLOW:]

      I have been walking the Bibbulmun Track in sections, some sections more
      than
      once, and usually in the opposite direction, and my goal is to complete
      the
      964km (602.5miles) and become an End to End walker.
      ***EDIT: please add space between "964" and km, and "602.5" and "mi"
      (the preferred abbreviation here). Your call on the numbers, but it's
      accepted practice here to round to match significant digits in
      conversions (thus, you could say "603 mi")

      ...

      So far I have completed approximately 2/3 of the Track from North to
      South, and ¼ South to North.
      ***EDIT: this may simply be a matter of a bad character conversion in
      eMail, but one of "2/3" was spelled out with three characters and "¼"
      with one; you should make these consistent if possible (e.g., just
      spell out "1/4" the same way).

      ...

      I have evolved from a very heavyweight (averaging 28 kg [61.5 lbs])
      backpacker to a midweight backpacker, averaging on the first day out,
      18 kg
      (38 lb) and I am aiming to go lower, funds permitting to purchase more
      lightweight gear.
      ***EDIT: use "lb" as the abbreviation in your first conversion here, as
      standard usage on BGT as well as for consistency with other uses in
      your report

      ...

      Fabric : Thermolite by Dupont
      ***EDIT: "Thermolite® by DuPont"

      ...

      Thermolite is a soft, stretch fabric, which is supposedly odour
      resistant.
      ***EDIT: "stretchy" sounds like the better usage for this sentence

      ...

      Locking the drawstring into place is a spring - loaded toggle.
      ***EDIT: "spring-loaded" (no need for extra spaces)

      Warmth is increased by up to 8 C (15 F) depending on individual
      metabolism,
      and when last eaten before going to sleep.
      ***EDIT: What is the source of this claim? If your estimate, say that;
      if directly from the manufacturer, provide the quote; also, I believe
      "eaten" should be "ate", though the sentence could be further reworded
      for clarity (e.g., "and when the individual last ate")

      ...

      The appearance of the Liner is one of an oversized pantihose, not silk
      nor
      nylon, but of that other material that elderly ladies wear on their
      legs.
      ***EDIT: "pantyhose", unless your spelling is standard usage in your
      area

      ...

      The Liner was used every night in conjunction with my Supermini
      Sleeping Bag
      made by The Great Outdoors in New Zealand, which has 150 gm (5 oz) of
      White
      Goosedown 90/10 fill which is rated +2 C to + 7 C (35 F to 45 F).
      ***EDIT SUGGESTION: I always prefer active voice to passive (e.g., here
      you could say "I used the liner every night...")

      ...

      The clothing used to sleep in was thermal top and pants.
      ***EDIT SUGGESTION: Ditto on the passive voice; this would be clearer
      as "I slept in thermal top and pants."

      ...

      I have used the Sleeping Bag without the Liner at these temperatures and
      have still been comfortable , however, the Liner is primarily used as
      protection for my Sleeping Bag as I do not want to wash a Down Bag and
      risk
      damage to the feathers.
      ***EDIT SUGGESTION: "...I primarily use the liner as protection..."

      ...

      Although the night time temperature was lower, I still wore the same
      type of
      thermal, slept in the same Supermini Sleeping Bag and added a Beanie
      for my
      head to stop loss of heat from my head.

      Comfort and a good night’s sleep was enjoyed.
      ***EDIT SUGGESTION: "I was comfortable and enjoyed..."

      ...

      The Liner keeps the airconditioning breeze off me so I don’t get a
      chill whilst
      asleep, or wake up cold.
      ***EDIT: "air-conditioning" or "air conditioning" is what my dictionary
      shows; I'm happy with the combined word if it's truly standard usage
      now

      ...

      Getting in and out of the Liner.
      ***EDIT SUGGESTION: This sentence fragment may be redundant, given the
      preceding header; consider removing it.

      ...

      As there are no side openings, I have to
      thread myself into the Liner feet first, and when I want to get out at
      night
      for a nature call, I found it easier to get out of the Sleeping Bag but
      still inside the Liner, then peel the Liner off me, leaving it on top
      of the
      Sleeping Bag.
      ***EDIT: you've mixed tenses in this sentence; consider saying "...I
      find it easier..."

      ...

      I tried getting into and out of the Liner whilst it was inside the
      Sleeping
      Bag and all I achieved was a tangle and I lost a lot of residue heat
      from
      the Sleeping Bag trying to wriggle into the Liner and untangle it, so it
      took a lot longer to get warm again.
      ***EDIT: this is an awkward sentence; consider rewording or breaking it
      into two sentences (e.g., end the first after "tangle", then say "I
      lost a lot of...")

      ...

      No wear is visible, but you do have to be careful and make sure that
      your
      Toenails have no jagged edges to catch on the material and create a
      ladder.
      ***EDIT: "...but I do have to be careful and make sure that my
      toenails..."

      ...

      Feartues I dislike about the Thermolite Liner :
      ***EDIT: "Features" and remove extra space before colon

      ...

      In addition, it is an excellent warm weather sleeping bag on it’s own,
      thereby, eliminating the need to carry a Sleeping Bag on warm night
      trips.
      ***EDIT: "its own, thereby eliminating" (no apostrophe; eliminate
      second comma)

      [END OF EDITS]
    • rcaffin
      ... I believe we do not really require the (R) symbol as it is legally sufficient to capitalise the word Thermolite. But it might be as well to check American
      Message 2 of 5 , Apr 1, 2005
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        Steve:

        > Fabric : Thermolite by Dupont
        > ***EDIT: "Thermolite® by DuPont"
        I believe we do not really require the (R) symbol as it is legally
        sufficient to capitalise the word Thermolite.
        But it might be as well to check American requirements.

        Cheers
        Roger Caffin
      • Nazdarovye
        Thanks, Roger. There were two issues here: proper internal capitalization of DuPont, plus the ® symbol. My understanding is that the ® is supposed to be used
        Message 3 of 5 , Apr 1, 2005
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          Thanks, Roger.

          There were two issues here: proper internal capitalization of DuPont,
          plus the ® symbol.

          My understanding is that the ® is supposed to be used with the first
          mention of a registered name in text, and may be omitted thereafter.

          In practice, many people omit it.

          - Steve

          On Apr 1, 2005, at 2:51 AM, rcaffin wrote:

          > Steve:
          >
          >> Fabric : Thermolite by Dupont
          >> ***EDIT: "Thermolite® by DuPont"
          > I believe we do not really require the (R) symbol as it is legally
          > sufficient to capitalise the word Thermolite.
          > But it might be as well to check American requirements.
          >
          > Cheers
          > Roger Caffin
        • jetriple@rockwellcollins.com
          Actually, the consensus we reached a while back is no trademark symbols . Period. It adds clutter and is not necessary. That being said... If someone has
          Message 4 of 5 , Apr 4, 2005
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            Actually, the consensus we reached a while back is "no trademark symbols".
            Period. It adds clutter and is not necessary. That being said... If
            someone has them in their features list at the beginning of a review, they
            probably are okay. If they appear everywhere throughout a review the
            reviewer will be asked to remove them. If they aren't there... they
            should never be asked to add them. Brand name capitalization should
            always be correct... and edited accordingly.

            James T.
            BGT Edit Moderator

            ----- Forwarded by James E Triplett/CedarRapids/RockwellCollins on
            04/04/2005 08:10 AM -----

            James E Triplett/CedarRapids/RockwellCollins wrote on 04/04/2005 08:09:55
            AM:

            > Date: Fri, 1 Apr 2005 08:33:49 -0800
            > From: Nazdarovye <nazdarovye@...>
            > Subject: Re: Re: EDIT: OR - Sea to Summit Thermolite Reactor - Ralph
            >
            > Thanks, Roger.
            >
            > There were two issues here: proper internal capitalization of DuPont,
            > plus the ® symbol.
            >
            > My understanding is that the ® is supposed to be used with the first
            > mention of a registered name in text, and may be omitted thereafter.
            >
            > In practice, many people omit it.
            >
            > - Steve
            >
            > On Apr 1, 2005, at 2:51 AM, rcaffin wrote:
            >
            > > Steve:
            > >
            > >> Fabric : Thermolite by Dupont
            > >> ***EDIT: "Thermolite® by DuPont"
            > > I believe we do not really require the (R) symbol as it is legally
            > > sufficient to capitalise the word Thermolite.
            > > But it might be as well to check American requirements.
            > >
            > > Cheers
            > > Roger Caffin

            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          • Nazdarovye
            Thanks for the clarification! - Steve
            Message 5 of 5 , Apr 4, 2005
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              Thanks for the clarification!

              - Steve


              On Apr 4, 2005, at 6:14 AM, <jetriple@...> wrote:

              > Actually, the consensus we reached a while back is "no trademark
              > symbols".
              > Period. It adds clutter and is not necessary. That being said... If
              > someone has them in their features list at the beginning of a review,
              > they
              > probably are okay. If they appear everywhere throughout a review the
              > reviewer will be asked to remove them. If they aren't there... they
              > should never be asked to add them. Brand name capitalization should
              > always be correct... and edited accordingly.
              >
              > James T.
              > BGT Edit Moderator
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