EDIT for "Owner Report Leki Super Makalu Trekking Poles" by Keith Riggle
- Hi Keith
The following are the official edits for your first Owner Review.
You have some good stuff here.
The main area you need to fix is the structure. This lacks a fair bit of
what is required by the Survival Guide (SG). You should download this from
the BGT web site and read it carefully before doing all the edits. You may
also find it useful to download a copy of the Owner Review Checklist as
well. It contains a short list of common mistakes.
In particular, you need a more defined Product Information section. The SG
lists the requirements. You should have a look at some other ORs to get a
better idea of the required layout.
When you have made the changes, please repost to the BackpackGearTest list,
with REPOST in the heading so I can catch it for a second reading.
> Owner Report Leki Super Makalu Trekking Poles*** Owner Review
> Personal Biographical Information*** The table is fine, but the text section is too long. We like bios to be
about 100 words. This can be difficult, I know.
As this is a review of an object, many of us put our bio at the end, and
start with Product Information. That way the readers get the info they are
looking for fast. But this is up to you.
> Product Information - Leki Super Makalu Cor-Tec Trekking Poles*** It is normal to start this section with information from the
manufacturer's web site or brochures: what they claim for the item. It
should be brief, but serves as a framework for your comments. Where you
quote dimensions from the manufacturer we appreciate your measurements as
well, as you have done. Check the SG for details, and some other recent ORs.
> Hiking sticks can, in many respects, be equated to man's bestYou wish to fetch a snake? The reader may be puzzled by this. Many of the
> friend. A good hiking stick can fetch (i.e., trail side trash,
> hot pots, and snakes)
snakes in my country (Australia) are highly venemous.
> The Super Makalu trekking poles are three piece, collapsible,*** Grams should be abbreviated "g", not "gm". You can check the Conversion
> aluminum poles which are advertised to weigh a mere 317.5 gm
Tool on the BGT web site for the abbreviations we use.
*** You also need an imperial conversion here.
> Leki has helped define the state-of-the-art trekking poles by*** As written this implies that you KNOW this yourself. You need to move
> incorporating useful, action packed features such as high
> strength aluminum, ergonomically positive angle composite
> Cor-Tec grips, adjustable wrist straps, anti-shock technology,
> and replaceable carbide Flextips.
this into the Product Information section as it really comes from the
> I used a tape measure to derive the following dimensions in order*** This information (and lots more from further on) should also be in the
> to better describe the shape of the poles. The upper section of
> the pole has an outside diameter of 2 cm (0.8 in) and is 55.5 cm
> (21.9 in) long.
Product Information section. Have a look at some other Reports and Reviews,
and you will see this section normally starts with listings along the lines
Dimensions (claimed): xxxx
Dimensions (measured): yyyy
While not mandatory, this 'bullet' form gets the info across fast, and it
makes it easy for you and the Editors to ensure you have all the required
info as well.
> The middle and lower pole sections are marked*** We try to avoid the use the words "you" and "your" as these can lead to
> in increments of 5 cm (1 in), which is very useful for quickly
> adjusting the poles to your individual needs.
what is termed "projecting". Big No-No: You cannot tell what the reader
might or might not do or think. It is best to always write in the first
person: "adjusting the poles to my needs".
> After hiking approximately 160 km (100 mi)This IS the sort of comment we want from you. Good stuff.
> in the mountains of East Tennessee, I have not had a
> single instance of accidentally collapsing the poles.
> The 15o positive angled grips on the Super Makalu trekkingMany good first person observations.
> poles do seem to relieve stress on my wrists and elbows when
> ascending steep hills.
*** The degree symbol does not always come out very well. Consider writing
out 'degree' for clarity.
> The slight 15o positive angle fits the natural bend of a wrist*** You need to clarify whether this is your observation about your wrists
> better than a straight pole and relieves stress to the wrist.
or taken more or less from the manufacturer's claims.
> I do not like the shocks when going down hill because*** I stumbled a little here (and following) over what you meant by
'shocks'. Had you written 'shock absorbers' I would have had no trouble.
> Field InformationThis is all good stuff.
> the same experience with the Fextips*** Missing 'L' in Flextips
*** this section should be broken into several paragraphs to make it easier
for the reader.
> Leki really dropped the ball when printing their information cardOne needs to be able to support any criticism, but in this case you have
> on how to use the anti-shock system. The instruction card didn't
> mention the fact that there were three adjustments, or the effect
> of changing position.
done so very well. This is fine.
> but hiking with high tech trekking poles is much safer.*** This should be 'high-tech' as it is a compound word.
It would be more consistent with BGT philosophy if you wrote something like:
'but I find that hiking with ....'
> Overall, I would give the Leki Super Makalu trekking poles a*** We do not 'rate' gear as such; just give our own impressions. This would
> thumb's up.
fit better if you were to say something like whether you are happy with
them, or whether you would buy them again. Check a few other ORs to see how
people say this.