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82583EdIT/Approval - Therm-aRest Navis - Ray Estrella

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  • richardglyon@att.net
    Dec 29, 2013
    • 0 Attachment
      OK Ray, one more BP for 2013. A few edits in the standard format; after revising you may upload to http://tinyurl.com/3a7zko

      Happy New Year!

      Richard
      ______________________________
      ### The outer shell made of orange 30 denier nylon ripstop with a DWR (durable water repellent) finish. ###
      EDIT: is made of

      ### They use the sewn-through here as this part corresponds to the users coat/sweatshirt/fleece top ###
      EDIT: user's [possessive – with an apostrophe]

      ### This is the warmest way to use down as it eliminates the possibility of cold spots at seams.###
      Edit/Comment: eliminates? Or "greatly reduces?"

      ### It is a bit stiffer and course feeling than I am used to seeing used for linings. ###
      EDIT: coarse [spelling]
      Edit: coarse-feeling [With a hyphen. Or simply "coarser."]
      Edit: "seeing" isn't really the right verb. Touch is the sense involved. How about "feeling" or "experiencing?"

      ###Running around the top opening of the Navis is a huge 4 in (10 cm) down filled draft tube ###
      Edit: down-filled [with a hyphen]

      ###When lying flat I measure the top opening of the Navis at 30 in (76 cm) wide, ###
      Edit: This is what my favorite English teacher called a dangling modifier. At first read I thought that you were lying flat when measuring. Consider moving "when lying flat" to immediately after "Navis."

      ###When I first saw the prototype sleeping bags from Therm-a-Rest at the Outdoor Retailer show it was the Navis that peaked my interest the most. ###
      EDIT: piqued my interest [spelling]

      ###I told them I would go one better and give all of you, my wonderful readers the feedback at the same time. I call it a review. ;-)

###
      EDIT: Please delete this sentence. BGT doesn't allow a promise of an OR for free gear. I know that this is a joke but none of us wants to mislead our testers.

      ### On those trips the Haven was great. ###
      EDIT: the Navis was great [If the Haven refers to another bag, you'll need to explain that.]

      ###Plus years of quilt use has taught me to stay put on my pads anyway, so I did not put the straps to use.###
      EDIT: have taught me [years . . . have]

      ###Once the temps started dropping it really shone.###
      Edit: the Navis really shone

      ### I also brought a light insulated jacket, the Helly Hanson Odin Isolator. ###
      EDIT: Helly Hansen [spelling]

      ###I am going to suggest it to UL and light-hiker friends that don't like the openness of a quilt ###
      Edit: friends who don't like
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