82346RE: RE: [BackpackGearTest] Edit/Approval -GSI Soft Sided Wine Carafe - Kathleen Waters
- Sep 8, 2013
I wonder if you could use the following: "It's not the carafe's fault - it's mine." Your fault instead of the carafe's fault. This should be technically correct, and it is a little more relaxed.
Is this the correct way to make suggestions? Should I even make suggestions if I am not the editor? Still trying to learn the Yahoo Groups world.
Newbie who's loving reading these reviews,
--- In BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com, <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
Thanks for your edits and comments. You are right about the cap opening. I added a couple of pictures as well as an additional (short) mention of the two-cap staging. Fixed the other edits except for the “it’s me”. “It’s I” while grammatically correct is just too stilted for my style of writing. Guess it was a good thing I never completed my pre-law, eh? <g>
I’ve uploaded in your newly-minted folder and deleted the test file.
Here are your edits in the standard EDIT/Edit/Comment format. After revising you may upload to http://tinyurl.com/l3t94tp
Cheers (raise a glass/plastic cup for me), Richard
###* Two-stage cap opening - wider mouth for filling plus an upper cap for
EDIT: I think you owe our readers a bit more detailed explanation of this feature. I have one of these carafes and know what you mean, but I think your description of filling it and drinking from it would benefit from a sentence or two or a photo.
### I often like to enjoy a celebratory summit toast - even when we don't actually "summit" - ###
Comment: I myself often toast the first Friday since Wednesday. It's always 5 pm somewhere.
### Temperatures have spanned 4 seasons now since receiving the carafe, ###
Edit: This would read better if you spelled out "four." A good rule with single-digit numbers in text.
### It's not the carafe's fault - it's me! ###
Edit: "it's I" is grammatically correct.
### I found if I blow strongly into the carafe before I start to fill it, the carafe will expand and the envelope bottom will change from knife-edge to a more stable shape I can then stand on a flat surface.###
Edit: a "that" before "I can" would help readability.
### Two of the most notable features of the carafe are its soft sides which
enable it to be packed in my backpacks more easily than a glass, plastic or
metal container and its negligible weight. ###
Edit: The two items in the predicate object [soft sides and weight] are of significantly different lengths. Adding a comma after "container" would set them off better and make this long sentence easier to read.
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