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82342RE: [BackpackGearTest] Edit/Approval -GSI Soft Sided Wine Carafe - Kathleen Waters

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  • Kathy Waters
    Sep 8, 2013
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      Richard,

       

      Thanks for your edits and comments.  You are right about the cap opening.  I added a couple of pictures as well as an additional (short) mention of the two-cap staging.  Fixed the other edits except for the “it’s me”.  “It’s I” while grammatically correct is just too stilted for my style of writing.  Guess it was a good thing I never completed my pre-law, eh? <g>

       

      I’ve uploaded in your newly-minted folder and deleted the test file.

       

      Kathy

       

      From: BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com [mailto:BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of richardglyon@...
      Sent: Friday, September 6, 2013 9:09 AM
      To: BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com
      Subject: [BackpackGearTest] Edit/Approval -GSI Soft Sided Wine Carafe - Kathleen Waters

       

       

      Kathy,

      Here are your edits in the standard EDIT/Edit/Comment format. After revising you may upload to http://tinyurl.com/l3t94tp

      Cheers (raise a glass/plastic cup for me), Richard

      ###* Two-stage cap opening - wider mouth for filling plus an upper cap for
      drinking ###
      EDIT: I think you owe our readers a bit more detailed explanation of this feature. I have one of these carafes and know what you mean, but I think your description of filling it and drinking from it would benefit from a sentence or two or a photo.

      ### I often like to enjoy a celebratory summit toast - even when we don't actually "summit" - ###
      Comment: I myself often toast the first Friday since Wednesday. It's always 5 pm somewhere.

      ### Temperatures have spanned 4 seasons now since receiving the carafe, ###
      Edit: This would read better if you spelled out "four." A good rule with single-digit numbers in text.

      ### It's not the carafe's fault - it's me! ###
      Edit: "it's I" is grammatically correct.

      ### I found if I blow strongly into the carafe before I start to fill it, the carafe will expand and the envelope bottom will change from knife-edge to a more stable shape I can then stand on a flat surface.###
      Edit: a "that" before "I can" would help readability.

      ### Two of the most notable features of the carafe are its soft sides which
      enable it to be packed in my backpacks more easily than a glass, plastic or
      metal container and its negligible weight. ###
      Edit: The two items in the predicate object [soft sides and weight] are of significantly different lengths. Adding a comma after "container" would set them off better and make this long sentence easier to read.

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