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81656Edit/Approval - Kelty Grand Mesa 2 tent - David Willoby

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  • richardglyon@att.net
    Oct 12, 2012
    • 0 Attachment

      Well done and thanks for sticking with me on this. I have only a few edits (same format as before). After revising you are cleared to upload to http://tinyurl.com/99a3dzn Don't forget to delete your Tests/OR folder copy, and to click on the "Owner Review" box when uploading.

      A suggestion (no more than a suggestion; you did well with a tent as the subject of your first OR): for your second OR, choose a simpler piece of gear. I think that will expedite the editing process.

      Congratulations on completing your first Owner Review!

      Cheers, Richard

      <<I started backpacking just over a year ago. The majority of my trips are 3-day, 2-night excursions in the Midwest or Appalachian regions in 3-season weather.>>
      Edit: This is a style issue only, and strictly up to you. When using cardinal numbers in text, consider writing out single-digit ones. "three-day" rather than "3-day" This makes the text easier to follow.

      <<We try to keep to moderate trails, and usually about 10 miles (16.10 km) per day. My pack weight usually ends up at about 45 pounds (20.41 kg.) >>
      EDIT: (16 km); (20 kg) [If the Imperial is approximate, the metric should be as well.]

      <<We camped between Breathed Mountain and the Red Creek.>>
      Edit: Why "the" Red Creek? It's unclear if that's shorthand for something else ("the Red Creek campground" or "the Red Creek trail junction," say) or unnecessary.

      <<I've used this tent for about eight nights in all during 2012. I used the footprint (sold separately) every night, >>
      Edit: I'd delete the parenthetical as redundant, as you've already identified the footprint as an add-on. Or "the optional footprint."
      Comment: A good example of writing out the cardinal number.

      <<I used the tent two nights in which it rained. >>
      Edit: "when it rained" reads better.