80998EDIT: OR -Ergo Baby Performance Baby Carrier - Erin Foudy
- Mar 2, 2012Hi Erin,
You get me for an editor again. (I think I have adopted you and Alex;-) Thanks for the review, your edits are below. You know the drill now, please repost here and put a corrected version in the test folder.
By the way I think it is so cool that you are getting your little guy out with you. Nice job mom.
EDIT: in the title and everywhere else throughout the review the spelling should be ergobaby as that is the way the company has it. (That is their company name too.)
***The Ergo baby performance Baby Carrier is made for active parents who want to get out with their babies.
EDIT: As it is made for anyone that wants to carry infants (grandparents, uncles, strong friends of single moms...) how about putting this into the first person? Or, as I see you are pretty much quoting the web site, just give ergobaby the credit for it like I do here. (Plus see the spelling corrections I did also)
ergobaby says that the Performance Baby Carrier is "made for active parents who want to get out with their babies."
***The Ergo is named for it's ergonomically conscience design
EDIT: its (no apostrophe) and I see that throughout the review you call the carrier "the Ergo". As it is really called the Performance I would suggest changing this. Or say something like I do to the effect that "the ergobaby Performance (hereafter referred to as the ergo) is "
*** and a padded waist strap to help make hauling my 25 lb. baby
EDIT: need the metric conversion (and no periods after the abbreviations please)
***Special Features (From manufacturer's website):
EDIT: Erin, we really don't like people to just paste in the manufacturer's info from the web site. The reader can get those themselves. This is about writing our own reviews. You are about to test a pack. (Something is is very rare to be given to a newbie by the way.) Packs are one of the harder items to review/test just because they have a lot to discuss up front. You should be writing about this in your own words. Here is an example.
Carrier body: Durable, high-performance Ripstop water-repellant polyester outer layer, ideal for outdoor activities.
Rather than just paste this you should incorporate this into your description:
"The outside of the carrier (baby-holding pack) is made of blue water-repellant ripstop polyester. It feels (describe the feel, heavy-duty, course, etc)."
Don't say that it is durable here (that is for later when you tell if it was durable or not in your use of it) or that it is "ideal" for anything. Manufacturers can put all the hype they want in their descriptions. We stick to the facts and later discuss the performance of it. Take a look at some pack reviews from veteran testers to see what we are looking for.
***Temperatures: 75 F to 85 F
***Elevation: 5,400 ft
EDIT: you are missing metric conversions for all your trip numbers.
*** I wanted a versatile carrier that would work for hiking as well as for times when astroller would not be convenient.
EDIT: "a stroller"
*** During a two night car camping trip we decided to do the short 5 mile hike around the lake.
EDIT: need the metric conversion
*** Wearing the Ergo carrier on your front is quite similar to wearing a back pack on your front.
EDIT: "backpack" and you need to keep it in the first person. (No "you" "your")
*** My one complaint about the Ergo and specifically about wearing the Ergo on the front of one's torso
EDIT: front of "my" torso (You keep jumping out of a first person view)
*** Having a warm baby strapped tightly to your core on the front of your body prevents airflow or any means of cooling down.
EDIT: the "you" thing again
*** During this tripmy son was about seven months old
EDIT need a space after trip
*** The first day we did a 6 mile hike early in the morning
EDIT: need the metric conversion
OK, I am going to stop now as it is getting a bit long. Fix what I have listed and then look at the rest of your review and see what else you see that is more of the same. (There is a lot.) I will watch for the repost.
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