75275EDIT: BLACK DIAMOND TRAIL TREKKING POLES - YI-JIEN HWA
- Mar 10, 2008EDIT: BLACK DIAMOND TRAIL TREKKING POLES - YI-JIEN HWA
Welcome to BGT. This is a good start, and you are doing well. Welcome to the
I have some edits for you to fix, and these are listed below. Please do not
be offended by the terse manner used in spelling out the edits: that's just
how I find it easiest to list them.
When you have fixed these matters please REPOST the plain text of your OR
here on this channel.
At the same time would you please put the new HTML version in the Tests /
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EDIT: you must fix this to comply with BackpackGearTest standards,
Edit: you should seriously consider fixing this in some way,
Comment: usually just that, although you might want to make a change as a
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BGT OR Editor
> I backpacked a few times in high school and college, but only got "intoComment: normally I would suggest that your bio contains too much of the
future, rather than being based on where you are now. Howvere, as you are
new to walking , fair enough.
> I normally pack between 40-55 lbs (18-24 kg).Comment: Heavy!
> * PRODUCT INFORMATION *EDIT: include length range here please
> * INTRODUCTION AND PRODUCT DESCRIPTION *EDIT: this reads very well, but we would prefer you separated out the
Product Description and kept it fairly technical. Feel free to wax poetic
after that section :-)
> However, there some egronomic and economic issues with this new passion.EDIT: ergonomic
Comment: economic - yeah, sigh.
> I started with 55lbs (25 kg) that trip; and by the end of the 2nd day,Comment: I suspect it was more likely the unaccustomed day-l;ong exercise
> my knees felt like a pair of rusty hinges from grandpa's shed. At the
rather than the load which your legs were feeling, but it reads very well
> They have basic, egronomic foam grips on the top of the poles,EDIT: ergonomic
> PicturesComment: while it is not a 'requirement', I reckon your pictures would be
even more valuable if they had captions. I was left wondering what
particular feature you wanted to highlight with each picture. Yes, there
seems to be a caption in the plain text, but it does not appear in the HTML
> steep slopes.The poles also come withEDIT: space after period
> I'm not sure why they call the tips of the pole it a "Flex" Tip becauseEDIT: delete 'it' after pole
> It's a matter of physics: While I could indeed use my poles at theirEDIT: physics: while
> but this is far too much work for Joe SchmoeEDIT: after some thought I feel that this section should come out. It is not
> I-can't-decide-if-I'm-going-up-or-down trail. (And those Joe Schmoes of
> the world are indeed many).
about YOUR experiences, and we don't want to insult our readers ...
> (Or perhaps BD might consider eliminating them altogether.EDIT: 'them' is plural, but the first part of the sentence is singular. Two
> warranty--but at those prices , which are scarcely more than buying aEDIT: delete space before comma
> new basket (US$ 6-8), and are less than what most manufacturers chargeEdit: I think you could probably remove a few commas in the paragraph?
> A bit of screwing with them gave me confidence that theyEDIT: ah ... the term does have several meanings... and in this context is
not very clear either. Can you improve?
> and throws the occasional tantrum of running lava down her side, theEDIT: poetic, but the sentence bocomes awkward.
> remainder of whose tantrums chewed them up better than Lassie could.
> changeable, so, you can replace them when worn or swap the Long FlexEDIT: first person: change 'you' to 'I'
> Tips for short ones if you like.
> anything more than an irritation. At the the price point, especially ifEDIT: At the the
> - Extended grips that reduce your work for hilly terrainEDIT: best to change the 'you' for something else - 'projection' etc.
> - Cheap spare shafts will keep you in business till the grips go.
> - Lack of shock-absorbency (you get what you pay for)
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