68599RE: [BackpackGearTest] EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton
- Dec 1, 2005Hi Roger,
Thanks for picking up the OR.
I will attend to the edits over the next few days as I am flat out at work
at present. I will do a bit each night.
No, I used to be a "bush lawyer" in the Trade Union movement as an
Industrial Officer for the Bank Employees looking after Credit Unions and
putting up Draft Awards for each enterprise and see them through the
Industrial Commission and become registered Awards.
Now I run two businesses as I am self-employed, Security/Flyscreen repairs
and a Window Cleaning business and this is my frantic time with hot weather
and Christmas. I do not have to do much writing in my business hence my T.U
writing style has still remained unfortunately.
[mailto:BackpackGearTest@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Roger Caffin
Sent: Thursday, 1 December 2005 6:04 PM
Subject: [BackpackGearTest] EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton
EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton
For your sins you get me again. Luck of the draw actually.
You wouldn't be a lawyer by any chance? Not insulting lawyers by any means,
but your prose reads like legalese. A
simpler style would be much more suitable for BGT readers, so I have gone to
town with some EXAMPLES of improvements.
Basically, shorten the sentences and make them more direct. Hope you don't
mind this interference with your style.
Remember: we write for posterity!
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