68598EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton
- Dec 1, 2005EDIT: Spondonical by Ralph Ditton
For your sins you get me again. Luck of the draw actually.
You wouldn't be a lawyer by any chance? Not insulting lawyers by any means, but your prose reads like legalese. A
simpler style would be much more suitable for BGT readers, so I have gone to town with some EXAMPLES of improvements.
Basically, shorten the sentences and make them more direct. Hope you don't mind this interference with your style.
Remember: we write for posterity!
A repost is indicated this time as the changes recommended are largish. But otherwise all is fine.
BGT OR Editor
> Owner Review: Trangia Spondonical or Billy GripsEDIT: we would prefer the following format if you don't mind:
> Date of Review: 27th November, 2005
Owner Review: Trangia Spondonical or Billy Grips
27th November, 2005
(suitably formatted of course)
> My purchase price: AU$8.50EDIT: only MSRP, not local shop price. Omit this.
> The spondonical has the appearance of a pair of pliers with a bent headEDIT: A bit awkward as the sentence is too long and changes focus.
> that is designed to grip onto pots, billies, bowls, fry pans and lids to
> assist with the lifting off a stove when hot and to hold onto said
> objects to prevent spilling when stirring the food being cooked.
A very minor rewrite as follows would improve it: exact details left to you. Caps to highlight MY example changes.
"The spondonical is designed to grip onto pots, billies, bowls, fry pans and lids to
LIFT THEM off a stove when hot and to hold THEM to prevent spilling when stirring the food being cooked. IT has the
appearance of a pair of pliers with a bent head."
You could replace 'designed' with 'a tool'
> The top handle has eight small holes of 5 mm (0.2 in) with four alignedEdit: I would refer to the picture here as well.
> The manufacturer states that the holes in the spondonical minimize bothEDIT: another long sentence. It needs to be simplified a bit. A first pass at this follows, but it is just for
"The manufacturer CLAIMS that the holes in the spondonical minimize both
heat CONDUCTION and weight. I have never felt any heat from the STOVE
through the handle, EVEN when holding onto a fryING pan for lengthy periods cooking sausages and bacon. "
> The notch formed in the jaws of the head is designed to fit over foldedEDIT: sentence too long. Example follows:
> rims on billies, pots, bowls, pans and fry pans and when I squeeze the
> handles together the tool grips the object being either held in place to
> stir food or lift off a stove because it is hot.
" The notch formed in the jaws of the head is designed to fit over folded
rims on billies, pots, bowls, pans and fry pans and GRIP THEM when I squeeze the
handles together. THIS LETS ME HOLD the object to stir food or lift it off a stove."
> This method of removing the lid aids in generating greater pulling powerEDIT: this sentence now goes around in a bit of a circle.
" This method of removing the lid aids in generating greater pulling power which helps me overcome the slight vacuum
inside the billy caused by the steam inside cooling down if the billy has gone off the boil. This sometimes happens when
the water boils quicker than I expectED and I am not fully ready."
> To keep the lid in place. I place the spondonical onComment: funny: I do that myself for the same reason.
> top and that way I always know where the spondonical is
> fry panEDIT: I think the better term is 'frying pan'. This occurs in many places.
> I have found it necessary to use the spondonical as a handle on a fryEDIT: very awkward sentence! For example:
"I have found it necessary to use the spondonical as a handle on a fryING
pan when cooking sausages, bacon, steak and onions due to the constant
stirring and turning of the food. When I do not hang onto the
fryING pan it can came off the stove in an ungainly manner, causing much
gnashing of teeth. This has happened on three occasions when the support arm
of the stove moved out of position, tipping the fryING pan onto the table
and spilling the food."
> There have been occasions when other campers didnot have a spondonical due to either being a novice or left theirs at
EDIT: ' novice or having left theirs "
> initials on the inside of the bottom handle near the axis. TheComment: Better maybe to paint the handle safety orange?? :-)
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